Holy crap.
Things have been quite weird the past couples weeks—actually since mid-December, to be honest. I’d started (and since finished) an autobiography on someone I’ve followed throughout most of my life, and though elements of the book had been somewhat “annoying,” other elements of the book really hit home in unexpected ways. Which got me to thinking…why is it that some people get what they go after in life and others don’t? Even when they do all the right things, think the right thoughts, live the right life?
I know I wax philosophical and get all high and mighty, sometimes, but I try not to. I try to be open and understanding and all that. But I do have my opinions, just like many of you out there. Basically, I try not to be a jerk. And though I do believe that we all create our own lives, our own realities (I don’t believe Anyone else creates it for us, God, All That Is, or some powerful Universal Turtle), I don’t have to always understand every little minutiae associated with it.
And, apparently…I don’t.
I believe God, All That Is, and that powerful, Universal Turtle provide the support system (perhaps in the case of the Turtle, literally…) for us to this have other stuff, but I believe They want us to create our own lives and to take responsibility for it. I believe They do not want us to blame or fall back on Them for our lives. We have to step up to our own lives, our own responsibilities. But, whatever, this is not my point and I’m not gonna debate it, cause we all have our beliefs, so more power to all of you for what you believe in.
But, weird things have since happened to me, one that is life impacting, and I’m not going to go into, here (or yet). Other things followed, like massive computer problems. It seems every time I try to get into this new manuscript of mine, some weird shit happens, seeming to always try to keep me from continuing to get into it. Like the computer problems…and some other issue that I really really want to vent on but won’t, because it’ll get me into trouble. But…I’ll be (and am, now…) okay. I just took a sucker punch, a haymaker, and an upper cut (in that order) and it got me a little on the ropes. A bit dazed and confused.
So, good God, there isn’t enough time in the day…it’s ticking away…and I’m in some massive Twilight Zone warp of change and whatnot. I can’t please everyone, I try to entertain some, try to learn some, try to be good person, and try to have some fun along the way.
Sun’s up…moon’s setting…and the day is begun.
I’m looking forward to a nice walk/hike later.
I’ve always found that a nice walk always improves my perspective on things!
Yeaaaah, gotta agree with you! And what a beautiful day it is! :-]
Yurtle the Turtle — and are you talking about M.E.?
Negative…talking about the “Divine Turtle”: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_Turtle. :-]
I guess it happens to the best of us – I’m in a similar situation. All kinds of “weird shit,” as you eloquently put it! 😀 I’ve always been a bit jealous (I’ll admit it) of the people who know exactly what they want in life and get it. It seems like the best laid plans don’t exactly work for me. Not that I don’t try, and I don’t blame anyone either – I just think “what the hell?! For instance, I got the bachelor’s degree, the master’s degree, the job to go with the last degree…and now I’m not satisfied. No, worse – I’m depressed about it. *sigh* I’m taking the walks as well – even if it is cold, cloudy and mucky out. Keep calm and carry on, right?
Not to be dismissive or flippant or superficial or anything else about your issue, but have you tried meditation (http://fpdorchakrealitycheck.wordpress.com/2013/03/03/meditation/)? Talking to others, professionally or personally? Don’t let the depression take over. It’s easy to wallow in our own mud…but you (heck—ALL of us…) really have to find some way to pull yourself up and out of it. Have to find some way to keep going while we’re making our lives better, or making changes to our lives. Try to focus on ALLOWING your inner self (or whatever your spiritual/religious beliefs) to show you an answer. And don’t expect the answer in any one form; it may come in a dream, in a mailer, in a TV commercial, of a design of Cheerios in your bowl of cereal and milk. Just allow yourself to be OPEN to change, OPEN to a new direction. A lot of this stuff can sound trite, and is not something to be dealt with in a mere blog posting, but if we really want change, we first have to open to it, and allow it to manifest in our lives. Then, we must reexamine our lives and make the appropriate choices. Sometimes we just have rough spots we have to muscle through, too. Wish I could offer more….
Now, if your depression is getting serious, I highly recommend seeing someone professionally…finding a Life/Career Coach/Counselor, or doing SOMETHING. Usually doing anything (legal, non-life threatening, etc.) is better than nothing, and at least helps you feel you’re taking steps to correct your situation. I can’t tell how depressed you really are, only you know that, but don’t be dismissive about how you feel. Do not let that get away from you. Don’t force the issues down deep and try to ignore them. Deal with them now. Do not take this lightly.
Thanks for being so open and sharing.
Sorry – didn’t mean to pull the attention over to me! What you wrote just resonated with me.
I’m not very good at meditation, but I am trying to talk about it with my sister…a little. I’m resistant to “professionals” right now – I tried a career coach (a waste, unfortunately), and I’d hate to take pills to get me through work! I’m still kicking though – I know I’ve got a lot more than others and am grateful in that respect. I’m planning on going BACK to school to learn a “useful” trade this fall, in hopes that learning something totally new will shake me up a bit (in a good way). So I’m trying to be open, thinking I won’t be “trapped” forever! I’m not ignoring the problem, but it will take some time, and I have to fight it a bit.
I have a trip to Ireland scheduled in a few months, so that should cheer me up considerably! If the Irish can’t cheer you up, no one can – right?
I really appreciate the concern. I didn’t mean to be worrisome. Heck, I’m still here (and on Twitter), so you’ll know I’m safe! I think that’s part of the reason I came back to Twitter – I needed the POSITIVE “escape” (doing my best to filter out the haters) and the interaction with you lovely people!
Well, practice makes perfect, when it comes to meditation, and it sounds like it might be useful to you. One of the statement I try to run around my head is “I only accept positive, constructive energy in my life,” then try to live your life that way.
But, all in all, do what you have to do to feel better about yourself and your situation—wish you all the best! :-]