F. P. Dorchak

Speculative Fiction Author

Going Indie — What I’ve Learned (So Far) — Quit Askin For Stuff!

by

Okay, so this is what I’ve learned over the past couple of years of what promotion I’ve been able to do for my novels:

  1. Stop asking for things!
  2. Creating “events”? Only for romance authors and/or people (aka “women”) with friends!

All the conferences and discussions I’ve had about what to do or not do in the promotion of one’s work usually hits upon the above two immutables. “Immutables” because I’ve always heard that you should always ask for readers to write reviews and that in getting book signings, one should create an “event” and not just sit around like a bump on a log.

Well, I’ve tried to employ both of these directives. And in both cases I’ve: 1) felt cheap and telemarket-y, b) felt more than I really am, as in do I fancy myself a “Rick Castle“?, and lastly…have been overruled by the location-in-question.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

  1. In today’s Day and Age, if people like your work, they’ll volunteer or actually just do the review. It’s a thing now, for chrissakes. Everyone reviews everything. They review the weather, their relationships, their own reviews. I’ve found that if I’ve e-mailed the question, people who don’t want to review your work will simply avoid the question altogether. Yup, they’ll just ignore you. It’s like my wife asking me to clean out the garage (again). If you ask face-to-face, “Sure,” they say they will…as their tone drops and they don’t look you in the eye and scratch behind an ear (or check their Galaxy Samsung for sudden phantom messages–“Hey, gotta take this text!“)…and you feel cheap for having had to ask. So, quit frigging asking for reviews! Okay, fine. I hated asking for them anyway.
  2. Events?! Who the <expletive> wants to come to an “event” to buy a book? In fact, who the hell wants to be in any way bothered by that guy or gal behind the imposing desk with a saccharin smile on their scared little face? Nobody knows how to write anymore—so a signed book? What does that even mean? If they want anything signed (“Uh, do you mean that verified/trusted electronic security certificate thingee?“) they’ll either swoop down from behind your position and shove an iPad into your face…or they’ll go to the quiet book shelves deep within the inner Sanctum Sanctorum of the store…find your book…then search Amazon or Nook and download it—thank you very much, Signing Person, for bringing it to my attention! Now, go—get thee away from me and leave me alone—I’ll go find it elsewhere and NOT have to physically interact with you…but, um, I will tweet I walked by your table (unless you’re off-the-charts hot or are a famous Romance Author with chocolate or brownies and a frigging rose-in-a-vase on your oh-so-cutely decored table)…. #AuthorAvoidance.
  3. It seems that most of the locations I can get into are small and cozy. I get that. Heck, I even really like that. I’m not into pomp and circumstance and never have been. Local bookstores do like to cater to the local author and will do what they can, but: 1) they’re small…they don’t have enough room for “events,” 2) they’re cozy and their clientele like “cozy”…they don’t do things that annoy cozy, and 3) see 1 and 2. Cozy is good. I like cozy! Why are you bothering me with these “event” questions?! What—my own? Maybe not. Locations that do do “events” are Big Box. I’ve never yet gotten into a Big Box. I don’t sell enough. I don’t have enough friends (keeping reading).
  4. Who the heck do I think I am, anyway? Richard Castle?

And as I’ve further considered the above items-of-interest, I’ve realized that I’d never heard any of these things uttered from, well—don’t shoot me, now—a guy.

Yes, a guy.

There, I’ve said it.

I’m not one of those who hammer on gender differences (am not a fan of those who do), but this really is quite pronounced and can be proven in a court of law. I’ve heard these directions uttered from legions of female authors (and most writers/authors I know are women…um, as are the agents, the editors, and well, you get the picture…). Usually somehow affiliated or associated with romance (friends, Romans, or Country…women…).

Now, don’t get me wrong, I always say more power to the author who can sell any of their wares, especially on a recurring basis. But, these romance authors are writing to an audience that is, well, there really is no other term for it—rabid—about their world. Their genre. <Expletive>, their authors! So, it comes as no shock to me that “creating events” and asking their readers to review their work is not out of line.

In fact, I was at a conference once (I wasn’t) and had seen (as far as you know…) where a romance author was in conversation with a rabid reader fan (RRF), had (“casually”) brought up the subject of reviews, and before the author had completed her sentence, the RRF had shouted “Done!“, arms thrust high into the air (nearly dislocating her shoulders—I saw the tears creeping out her right eye), one hand holding her Nokia like a Crusaders’ sword, shouting,”Reviewed! 5,000 likes!”

Or maybe I didn’t. Can’t remember. The Fog of Conference.

As to the having tons of friends part, that also is usually tied to women.

Sure, you say, guys have friends.

No. Not really. We don’t.

We have buddies.

There’s a difference. Guys don’t flock en masse to anything that doesn’t involve beer or sports, and still, we don’t “flock” and we don’t “attend events.” We just all happen to end up at the same place. At once. To drink beer. Yell. Fart, belch, and slap each other (briefly) on the shoulder and move on to the next beer. Quote sports stats. Where’s the BBQ?

Women are supportive of each other.

Men drink beer. Eat grilled meat.

So all this only works if you’re a woman, a romance author, or have tons of friends.

Or are Richard Castle.

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Comments

  1. I totally wallowed in the fun writing here! What a funny and (likely) true observation about shameless (or shameful) promotion. I was cracking up. Women do have an advantage perhaps, romance writers perhaps, but not all of us estrogen-rich (or not) have (or want) hundreds of friends. And some of us like chowing down on a spit-BBQed cow thigh. About all this? Pull off your big boy pants, stuff a bra, and focus….focus….ooh baby….ooh baby….get your genre straight!

  2. Oh Frank, blood of my blood, it’s not about whether an author is male or female, or a romance writer. In fact, it’s not about YOU at all. It’s about your audience, knowing who they are and where they live. Okay, not literally where they live, that would be creepy.

    Wendi and I are by no means “romance writers”. We could be, if we chose, but we made a conscious decision not to be. We’re writers who have a story that has some romance, some action, some flat out horror, but a whole lot of soul. Our Packmates are “rabid” because they crave the story, the characters have come alive for them. They have spent whole nights reading until dawn, finding excuses to get out of work, anything to get back to the Saga. Not all of our Packmates are female, either.

    This goes for just about any genre out there.

    Events? We’ve done them in cozy little mom and pop stores and chain stores, conventions where I thought we wouldn’t stand a chance. The key? Being personable, making connections. The support of fans showing up is wonderful, but going into a store where no one knows us? No problem. We talk to people and nine times out of ten, end up making a sale after spending a few minutes talking about nothing but the person we’re talking to. Saccharine smiles…pfft…try a genuine one. And leave the fear at the door.

    We know who our people are. We know exactly who we’re writing for and where they live. It may not be the same place we live, but we go anyway. We learn the lingo, explore the culture, and like Jake in Avatar, become one of the N’avi. Do our readers prefer digital over print? Okay then, next time we won’t bother with print versions (luckily more often than not, the dedicated readers are rabid for their print books)

    And that, dear cuz, is the best advice I can give you. Find your tribe, find your people, know your genre, find what works best for you, and everything else falls in line, even if that means holding a tailgate party in the bookstore parking lot with a grill full of assorted meats, a cooler full of beer and conducting a belching contest.

    Actually, that idea doesn’t sound half bad…

    • Dear Blood-of-my-blood:

      While some of this is true (I’m NOT going to ask people to do review anymore; I figure they’re smart enough to just know to do this in today’s world, and if not—my loss—but I do feel awkward and cheap in asking for it, just like “Hey do you Like me? Yes or no? Please check one…”) the hyperbole in this piece is real if missed. Of course it doesn’t matter what sex you are, what you write, or if you have grilled meat at your event (okay, I lied, you have a grill and beef, and I’m THERE…). What you say is true….and I *am* full of shit…or, pardon me—MYSELF—for those who can’t stomach “shit.” Again, ignore that last word and substitute the former. But I really needed to write something for yesterday, had nothing, and this idea popped into my head, I need to pay the mortgage, buy that new Corvette Z06, and I was shooting for the “Pitty Party” vote. Were I to run for elected office. Any office. Were there one I could actually run for.

      Thank you for setting the record straight (and even you, Karen, for getting me to trade in my Big Boy Pants for a stuffed bra)! I needed that slap across the face. I’m better now. Please…everybody…ignore what I wrote above. I wasn’t in my write mind.

      Humbly, and signed with a single blue rose-in-a-vahse,

      Me

  3. Or you could organize your own author event.
    At a park.
    With meat and potluck sides brought by other authors.
    (you can’t supply the beer though – then you have to get a liquor license).

  4. Sounds like you keep getting better at what you do, Frank! That calls for some beer and grilled meat, if you ask me. 🙂

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