I just discovered that I have a new “Clowns” review on Amazon.com! Thank you so much, Queen Farm Chick!
on April 6, 2017
Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase
New “Clowns” Review!
Clowns
Give The Gift of Fear!
Okay, I know, it’s the holiday season…Merrry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and all that…and that being the case, I am shamelessly self-promoting a wonderful gift—for yourself.
The gift of fear!
Yes, what better way to say “I love me” than to give yourself a story to scare the unmentionables out of you! It tells your self, “Self…I trust you SO much that I will allow you to scare the unmentionables out of me!”
Why is that?
Because you know you will be there to comfort yourself, keep you safe, and tell yourself how freaking brave you were to read a scary story all by your lonesome…at night…with but a lone, meager light on to illuminate the pages. Well, okay, it’s an e-story, so you don’t even need a light!
Ha! Be brave!
Might I recommend, oh…I don’t know…a clown story?
How about “Clowns“? It’s short, sweet (in sooo many ways…), and spooky. And it’s got five stars (from two reader reviews—come on, let’s add to this tally…)!
And if clowns aren’t your bag, might I suggest some other stories?
So, come on—don’t be skeered! Or, actually, be very skeered! Skeer the unmentionables right out of you! Buy some skeery stuff! And I’m not even talking for other people—do this for YOU.
You deserve it!
Because, with all you’ve been doing for everyone else this Holiday Season, don’t you deserve a little something extra just for yourself? Go on…indulge. I won’t tell…especially if you do it in the dark. It’ll be our little secret! Give yourself…
The gift of fear!
Disclaimer: the opinions, claims, and shameless self-promotion of the author are not necessarily (but probably are) those of the author or his publishing house (again, the author). The author probably isn’t even very funny or a good writer (though he can take some cool pictures, if you’re not into his writing)…but come on, at least try his one freaking short short story single—it’s only $0.99! You can’t go wrong! You spend more than that on, well, anything else in your life and probably won’t even get half the fun out of all that other stuff as you will out of this short story!
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL!
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Clowns (fpdorchak.wordpress.com)
Kirschner Cover Art: "Clowns," by F. P. Dorchak
Okay. Yes. I know…shameless, shameless self-promotion!
But I’ve wanted to talk about this cover since I first laid eyes on it…or it had laid eyes on me….
As I’d previously mentioned, I’d been (and still am) messing around with short stories, and had come across this one and decided to published it as its own stand-alone story. So, I turned to Lon Kirschner, who’d done a couple of my other covers. As always, Lon turned out a fantastic cover! It even reminded me of The Grievers, the cover he’d done for Marc Schuster, back in 2012 (and also involving clowns, by the way).
So, of course I want to talk about it!
When I first opened the file and looked at it, the very first thing I saw was the clown’s face…and I thought, ewwww…how frigging creepy! But…why is it starting at me through a slit?…a narrow opening…a…waaait a minuuute—
BOOM!
It hit me, just like that—the clown was staring at me from the blade of a knife!
I bust out laughing.
How frigging perfect!
I was walking around the house with my tablet looking at this thing and laughing my ass off. I just couldn’t take my eyes off it! What a perfect cover for my short-short story! The creepy clown face, the purple from its little clown-doll outfit, the kitchen knife, the script of the title—including the red “S”—all on a black background, which to me symbolizes the night/unknown! It was such a clean, subtle, no-nonsense creepy (have I mentioned this?!) cover!
I mean, our clown…the silly little dresser-top doll…the subtle way it’s peering out at us from the shiny knife blade is just like how I believe these little bastards are peering out at us from our dresser tops! Oh-so slyly…are they…or are they just staring ahead with their lifeless, beady little eyes?
Of course they’re staring at us!
This is what Lon had to say about creating my “Clowns” cover—which, by the way, was the first time he’d ever created a cover for a short story—I think you’ll really get a kick out of this:
“It did creep me out. I don’t really mind real clowns (although they are a little odd) but clown dolls are what I really find creepy. I also find some other types of dolls creepy but that might be just me. When we were kids we had a set of Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls that my Aunt sent from her travels in Europe. They sat on the old radiator that was in the bedroom I shared with my sister when we were very young. I would wake up some times in the middle of the night and I would see them staring at me. Like your story. I still think they moved.
“The other issue with this cover was I knew you had high expectations for this and I felt a little under pressure to produce something that hinted at the story but didn’t give it all away.
“I wanted it very, very simple but have that disturbing feeling. I went back and forth with the alternate “S” in ‘Clowns.’ At first I thought it was a bit cliché, but then I thought it was a good way to bring in that murderous element without being overly gruesome and it did offset that typical circus lettering.
“My own clown issues and creating a successful piece all combined to create something a little difficult to work on, but in reality, once I got going it all fell into place rather quickly.
“I always start with some sort of rough idea. I knew I didn’t want to see the whole clown face and I knew I needed a knife, I just wasn’t exactly sure how they would all meld together.
“This is how I have always worked. Some people sketch it all out exactly but that never worked for me. I do make little sketches on Post-it notes to sort some things out, but that is usually as far as I go. I find the fun in moving things around and making my adjustments on the fly. I think I moved the image of the knife over at one point about a sixteenth of an inch. Then I was satisfied!”
I love this line: “I still think they moved“!
I also like how Lon didn’t want to “give it all away,” which I could see might be a little difficult to do in a quick short short story of less than 800 (713) words! But, he did it, I’m proud of him and his result, and I am still beside myself over the cover!
So…I hope you’ll excuse me for analyzing one of my own, but I’ve been wanting to talk about it since I got it. With my next Kirschner Cover Art post, I’ll go back to talking about other author covers….
But…for now…sleep with one eye open!
Do you know where your knives are?
*******************************************
Lon Kirschner may be contacted at:
Phone: 518/392-3823
E-mail: info@kirschnercaroff.com
Book Cover Site: http://www.lonkirschner.com/
Related Articles:
- Kirschner Cover Art: In Pinelight, by Thomas Rayfiel (fpdorchak.wordpress.com)
- Kirschner Cover Art: Grace, by Howard Owen (fpdorchak.wordpress.com)
- Cover Artist Lon Kirschner Interview (fpdorchak.wordpress.com)
Clowns
What makes a good clown go bad?
I had originally intended to release my short story, “Clowns,” for free on my site, here, but got the idea to release it through Amazon’s Kindle Select. I’d read a short story by Bonnie Ramthun, called “The Little Hitchhiker” (a fun read, by the way), and thought, okay, I gotta try this! And I was working on this story at the time and just felt oddly compelled to use it.
Oddly.
So, I rounded up my “usual suspects”: my proofer, Mandy, my formatter, Pam, and my Cover Guy, Lon.
So, now, you’re gonna pay.
Dearly.
Well, 99 cents, anyway.
Click here for “Clowns” KDP Select Link.
This story got such a chuckle from me when I reread it 28 years later—I’d actually forgotten all about it…though not in concept. I mean, I’d thought I’d written a “killer clown” story, but just had never followed up on it to see what I’d actually written. Isn’t it funny how the mind works? Some people can remember everything, while others, well, do not. And I’d written this (and most of the others I’m posting here) a lifetime ago! You’d think since I’d written this stuff…but, as I go back over all my short stories, it appears that I’d just been banging these things out (for good or ill) and flying onto the next idea…apparently forgetting to submit some of them in the freaking “fog of writing”!
And the purple clown that had inspired this story? Gone. I’d had it for the longest time, but must have given it away—
Or it’d walked away.
Some people have an actual fear of clowns (called “coulrophobia“), and after having written this piece, I can see why. “Clowns” is one of my earliest stories, written in 1987, and I had literally not touched it since then. So, for this digital version, I did go over it with fine-toothed blade—I mean comb—and a second set of eyes. And I love it! It is “the decidedly creepy clown story.” When she was done with editing it, Mandy had this to say about it:
“Damn, nasty-ass clowns.“
Yeah, I don’t really get a “fear” of clowns from her….
But, to continue with the weirdness surrounding this story, after Lon had finished the cover (which he said “creeped him out” as he worked on it…) he had this creepy little real-life story to tell me:
“When I was a kid (7 or 8) my father used to take me to the amusement park arcade where they had a dancing Peppy the Clown. You would put in a quarter (or most likely a dime) and music would play. You would then press the buttons and freaking Peppy the Clown would sing and dance. This scared me to death and my father though that this was a real riot.
“Fast forward 20 years. My father is dead. I am antiquing in upstate NY with my girlfriend. We are walking around the store when all of a sudden the hair on the back of my neck stands up and I started to sweat. I turned around and right behind me was a Peppy the Clown for sale.
“I felt him before I saw him.
“I hate him.”
Isn’t that just great?
Clowns….
In the back matter of the KDP Select of “Clowns” there’s a picture of me from my modeling portfolio, back in 1988. I wasn’t going to include a picture in “Clowns’s” release, but my formatter, Pam, included it on her own, and it kinda compliments the story. There’s an irony because though the picture is black and white…I’m actually wearing a purple tux and a purple bow tie.
And because the clown in the story is purple.
Anyway, this is just such a fun story! You’ll think me mad for saying that, perhaps, but wait until you read it….just before going to bed…while you’re in bed…the only light the glow from your e-reader….
I dare you.
You’ll see.
You will.
And so will your clown…sitting over there…on its shelf…
Watching you. With beady little porcelain or fabric eyes.
Plotting.
What makes a good clown go bad?
Don’t know.
They just do.
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Lon Kirschner Articles:
- Kirschner Cover Art: In Pinelight, by Thomas Rayfiel (fpdorchak.wordpress.com)
- Kirschner Cover Art: Grace, by Howard Owen (fpdorchak.wordpress.com)
- Cover Artist Lon Kirschner Interview (fpdorchak.wordpress.com)
Lon Kirschner may be contacted at:
Phone: 518/392-3823
E-mail: info@kirschnercaroff.com
Site: http://www.kirschnercaroff.com
Book Cover Site: http://www.lonkirschner.com/