F. P. Dorchak

Speculative Fiction (New Weird) Author

Life

Short Stories–What Have I Learned?

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Upon Reflection.... (Photo © F. P. Dorchak and Jan C J Jones, 2016)
Upon Reflection…. (Photo © F. P. Dorchak and Jan C J Jones, 2016)

After spending the past year going back over all my short stories, what have I learned?

I’ve learned I was a young testosteroned-fueled writer, writing about sex and violence and all-things-weird. There are definitely some things that are going to remain hidden, but those I’ve released and will release 2017 in my short story collection are the best of my efforts.

I’ve learned that all is not all as it seems.

That the veil between our present and the past (and for that matter, the future…) is far thinner than many realize. Well, I already knew this, but as I ventured back and relived my stories—hell, my life—though I may not have remembered writing some of these things, wow, I was instantly transported to and reliving my twenty-something, thirty-something selves! My teenager self! It was weird. In a very real way…my stories are a reflection of my life. Who I was…what I wrote about. How I wrote. How I felt. It’s like I remembered everything, and was as easy as sliding on a well-worn, “experienced” glove.

Isn’t aging fascinating?

There are different perspectives to the decades of our lives. If you’re in your twenties and thirties, wait until you hit your fifties. If you’re in your forties and fifties, wait until you hit your seventies and eighties. Perhaps “wait” is a bad term to use…do not “wait” for anything—live. Live your life to its fullest. And that doesn’t mean becoming an extreme sportster, never sleeping, or being impatient with people and things. It just means being the best person you can be and being in the moment. Discover and understand who you are…and be true to that. Internalize it. Then do what you’re made to do. Discover and explore your hidden little talents…do you secretly like to dance? Do photography? Visit with the elderly? If so, then be that person. Be fully aware of your present moment.

Perhaps others have other derogatory terms for aging, but I do find “the process” fascinating. The shell of our body shows age first…but the soft, chewy center also shows changes—if you admit to it. I don’t believe it’s so much about “staying young at heart,” as it is to be who you are…and you should change as you age. You should wisen…but also keep your sense of wonder, your sense of adventure about you! Retain your elements of joy and fun! It should not just be six and twenty-year-olds who remain physically and imaginatively active and alive! If you’re “not like that,” then try to develop a sense of adventure and curiosity, if you have any interest in doing so at all. But to place so much importance on youth…of being a person you were in the past…is assigning all the power of who you are to the past and dismissing who you are in the present.

If we were meant to be twenty forever we would forever be twenty.

And, no, I would not want to do it all over again. I had a fun and exiting journey…a truly wonderful life…but I am ready to move into my present’s future. To find new adventures, new perspectives. Though elements of that Past Me remain, I am not that me any longer…and some of those short stories (two immediately come to mind) are actually kinda hard to read because of the events that inspired them. But most…most were wonderful with which to reacquaint myself!

I learned (perhaps “re-experienced” is a better term) that I’d taken chances writing my stories. I learned that just because someone tells you to “Do these 12 steps to get published!” does not mean you will get published. That just because you do anything will get you more of anything. It’s a little trickier and fickle-r than that…and metaphysical….

I learned that I am not above incorporating “awkward topics” (e.g., sex) into my work for the proper telling of a good story. Or a little violence…if it’s absolutely necessary. I don’t like writing about violence, especially for extended periods of time, which was why I left writing straight-horror (I call my current work “paranormal fiction”). But all good stories involve elements of conflict…some romantic and emotional…some physical and violent. I’ve written in both arenas.

I have to be true to the stories I decide to write.

A corollary to this is that I am not my stories or their characters. I have a vivid imagination. Period. I read, I observe, I learn. I try to portray things as realistically as possible, so that readers can walk away and think, “Yeah, that really could happen!” If I am compelled enough to write something up, I sometimes have to go places I don’t like to go. Just like all of us out there in our daily lives and jobs sometimes you have to do things we don’t particularly like doing.

And you just can’t please everybody.

I learned that I had not read all my short stories out loud, which I learned later in my writing career to do. It could have saved me some embarrassingly obvious issues! #OMG

I learned (it was actually pointed out to me by Mandy, my copy editor) that I use car wrecks a lot in my stories to off characters. Huh. No shit. I really do? Never realized that!

I also learned that in my short stories I used the name “Phil” a lot. It was a placeholder for a name. “Philip” is my middle name. Not an ego thing, it just kept me from having to “think hard” for character names at the moment.

So, my retro/introspective complete, I’m moving forward! I have new work I’ve started, new stories to tell…and I do have to get this short story collection out there (which will have some brand new stories in it, like “A Beautiful Summer’s Afternoon,” a new story I’m currently working)….

Thank you all for your support, and have an outstanding “Holiday Season”!

Short Story Links

Links to all my posted short stories are here.

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You-Turns

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You-Turn. (By Eric Kilby from USA (Confusing Sign Uploaded by xnatedawgx) [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons)
You-Turn. (By Eric Kilby from USA [Confusing Sign Uploaded by xnatedawgx] [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons)
I always used to say “I hate regurgitating myself.”

And this is a true statement…I really haven’t liked redoing my work or, well, anything. I’ve figured once I’d done something, it’s done…time to move on.

Then reality would intervene.

Never say never.

It doesn’t mean that everything I’ve done was perfect and not to be trifled with…what it means was that I’m done with whatever I’ve done, either a job or a manuscript; whatever: got that T-shirt. Time to move forward. But as my life progresses and I get older I find that the energy behind my life seems to beg to differ. It seems much of my life bears repeating.

My writing. Job hunts. TV reruns. Reincarnation.

I posted a list of my writing projects over the years…and how I’ve gone back and reworked several of them to publish. Most of my published history (all of my novels) is work I’d done years ago. Maybe this is nothing new to authors in general…but to me, well, it’s the subject of this post.

Take a look at this post: I did one about my short-lived modeling career. Retrospective.

And there’s my current work in progress (WIP) that I’m looking to publish in the coming months. More retro.

Oh, and in my daily life…my day job…there’s a certain line of energy that seems to have me revisiting the past. Returning to that which I’ve “come from” in a certain fashion. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with the work I’m doing or have done in the past…it’s just that I’ve returned to it a couple times over the years.  It’s the whole “retro argument” I’m making here….

However and curiously…as I’ve grown older I don’t seem to have as much “against” going retro in and of itself anymore…I guess it’s only natural that after you’ve lived “some life” and gone down all those roads paved-and-otherwise it’s only natural to revisit some of those journeys as all the roads you’ve traveled cross and weave in and out. When you’re younger you’re afire with boundless energy and ready to frickin’ carve (not just carve, but frickin’ carve…) your name into the world…but after a while (if you live long enough) you come upon those carved-names in the strangest of places…places you’d never dreamed of every seeing again….

Life has a way of getting you to reflect.

Everything changes.

And eventually those changes transition the physical world…so enjoy life while it’s happening. There are far worse things that can befall a soul than having to, you know, redo a thing or two.

Enjoy life. Enjoy the journey.

Enjoy your You-turns.

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If Today Was Your Last Day

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What would you do if today was your last day?

Would you do anything differently?

Would you live every moment as if it was your last?

The sentiment of this question and questions like this are meant to get our collective asses in gear and re-evaluate and reboot our lives. To shed the unimportant.

Be kinder.

More understanding.

More loving.

More helpful.

Reconnect with what’s important to each of us.

Concerns like this usually hit people at funerals, job changes, divorces, and other major life changes. We reflect. Go internal. Wonder what has become of our lives…our passions…our goals.

Us.

We all get caught up in the minutiae of having to eat, sleep, and clothe ourselves…most of us feeling with have to “settle” for rungs of the ladder that fall far short of our lofty goals…then we fall into depressions…cultivate shitty attitudes…and grow into miserable old men and women nobody wants to be around….

But does it have to be that way? Is there a better way?

If today was your last day on earth, what would you do differently—and why aren’t you doing it now?

While each of us are still alive, we can always change our lives. It’s never too late. But (I maintain) it all starts with our attitudes. I’ve said this before, but everything exterior begins with our interior. We don’t just blindly take action to anything without first having an internal consideration: thoughts. So, to change our exterior, with need to change how we think. Our attitudes.

If we want a better life for ourselves, it starts with thinking differently about ourselves.

Sure, we’ve made decisions throughout our lives that have taken us to “this” point in our lives…but it’s never too late to change. To say “no” or “yes” and make a life (it doesn’t have to be “major”) change. We all have to do something while we’re walking or crawling this oxygenated rock orbiting an average yellow star…but, in the interim, we can effect changes to our lives by taking the first step inside ourselves. Changing our point of view about ourselves…changing the way we think about our lives, while looking for new avenues to explore. Being open to new opportunities that “suddenly and miraculously” present themselves, once we’ve changed our attitudes.

Life…if nothing else…is about change. So, why not have that change work for us?

But don’t look to others for those answers…for the answers to changing your own life…only you can do that. Each of us are the only ones who can change our own lives…and having more money or children or shiny new anythings won’t change any of that.

Giving things away isn’t the answer. Sending philosophical confetti upon the masses won’t do that—though makes for great music videos.

Understanding who you are…taking a concerted stock in your own life…

Feeling loved.

Loving others.

If today was you last day?

Make it the beginning of an entirely new life.

2014 Graduation Speech: Were I To Deliver One

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Give Your Life Some Serious Thought! (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/9d/Graduation_Thinker_LuMaxArt.jpg)
Give Your Life Some Serious Thought! (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/9d/Graduation_Thinker_LuMaxArt.jpg)

Perusing through the Sunday paper, last week, I was inspired by an article that talked about graduation speeches. I’ve never been called upon to deliver one, doubt I ever will, but I thought, hmmm…what would I like to hear in one, were I, once again, graduating from Saranac Lake Central High School or Northern Arizona University…and my life was still ahead of me?

To The Graduating Classes of 2014:

Take control of your life.

When you leave here, setting out for your course through life, you will have all sorts of choices. Some of you will enter the military or government services. So will become celebrities of one kind or another. Some will become academicians. Journalists. Managers. Writers. Film makers. Some will lead simple, quiet lives.

But you will all, eventually, die.

We all will.

How will you look back on your lives at the end?

Will you be satisfied? Even have time to do so? Will you have helped make life a better place to live?

Here is what I ask: be yourself, and don’t cave into the fear mongering that’s out there. Create the world you would like to see, to live in, and spread the joy.

There’s a lot of “evil” out there, and evil is as evil does…but there is also far more good. If there wasn’t, we wouldn’t be here. We would not be enjoying what freedoms we do have, however meager you may, now, feel we are or are not enjoying. Now, there are a lot of arguments out there about protecting those liberties, and the “mechanics” behind said protection, but I’m here to tell you of a very simple way we can all practice without putting ourselves into harm’s way or debating global politics.

Focus on the good in your own minds.

Now, this might sound all Pollyanna nonsense, but think about this: nothing becomes exterior in your lives that has not first existed within your minds.

There is a quote by Joe Queenan, columnist in the Wall Street Journal (not sure if he still is), who said, “People are…sensitive about what they put into their bodies…but will put anything into their brains. They eat free-range chicken, but they watch TV shows about headless suburban demons. They ingest loads of parsnips but never Picasso. Call me a hidebound traditionalist, but the brain as every bit as important as the small intestine.”

I substitute “mind” for “brains,” but the sentiment is adequate.

You put out what you think about, what you concentrate upon. If you think the world a bad place to live, you think everyone’s out to get you, absolutely every one of your actions will telegraph that. Spew that. Absolutely everything you do will be to that end. Consciously or unconsciously, this will be your experience.

If you believe we all get sick the older we get, this will happen.

If you believe all politicians are all corrupt, this will happen.

If you believe in living in fear, this will be your experience.

There is much truth to this on a Zen level, but on an everyday level it also bears itself out. You will not look for optimistic, beneficial solutions. You will only look and see and select the negative side of things. You will only see fear and only do things that will attract and corroborate fear mongering. Because you cannot see past it.

If, however, you look outside the box, as the phrase goes, if you open yourselves up to the optimistic, you have now given yourself at least twice as many options. While living in fear, you only see half the coin. Flip that damned thing over. Put as much effort and energy into the rest of the equation, into positive approaches to living and creating life.

On the Zen side, we’ve all heard the other time-worn phrase that like attracts like. Where do these trite phrases come from? Might there not be some truth to them?

Haven’t you ever notice that when you were in a bad mood, a sick mood, everything appeared dour and wicked…while in a great mood and enjoying yourself, everything seemed happy and optimistic? It’s not just brain chemicals, no matter what your science courses may have tried to impress upon you. Sometimes the effects are real, not just chemically induced hallucinations.

Simply stated, there is a lot to be said for sunny dispositions. Positive outlooks. Even medical and psychological sciences are beginning to see this. Sub-atomic physics.

Find new and creative ways in expressing this philosophy that fits into your life.

Take control of your life.

Change the entrenched paradigms of fear and negativity that seem to be permeating the media. Turn off your damned cell phones and look up, as that one video rapped. Look around, look down. Look into the faces, the eyes, of the people and places you meet. If you’re going into the film or video business, quit making films that degrade or cheapen the human experience. There’s a lot of talk about whether or not video games or movies make killers out of people…but if all you do is immerse yourself into violence and depravity…whether in a movie or video games…all day, and that is the sum total of your daily experience, tell me, what the hell else do you expect of that person when they go out into the real world? In fact, what is real, what becomes real, to someone like that? What the kind of output do you actually expect from that kind of mind? You honestly expect that person to become a preacher, a teacher, a kind and caring parent?

If all you watch are news reports about death and destruction, do you really expect to have a positive outlook in life?

Take control of your life.

If we can all take control of our lives in more positive ways…the benefits will be enormous. Earth- and life-shaking. It can, literally, change the direction of all our lives. Because, and this is another Zen thing, there are things called probabilities out there. Roads not taken, waiting to be taken. And they all intersect, so one road not taken at one point, can certainly be taken later on down that other road taken. Not everything talked about has to be manifested into physical reality. Wars, droughts, climate change. Sometimes they can be manifested in the nonphysical, the mental landscapes of Humanity…and sometimes both. There seems to be a lot of angst and fear out there…and through all this—all I’ve had to say, here—I ask that all of you out there steer clear of that fear and angst. “Go around the rocks,” as I’d once read. Expect a different probability than what we are all currently experiencing. A more positive one, free from wars (or lessened conflicts, at the very least). Where we can all live among each other, tolerating each other, trying to make a go at this thing called life, but not at any others’ expense. Wish for the best, and the best will come. Maybe not completely (not everyone is a saint…but not everyone is a sinner, either…), maybe not exactly as you might expect it to be, but it will come. If we all focus and act in the best possible ways, then what else can one reasonably expect—even if you don’t buy into all I’ve said 100%? What could it hurt? Even 10% is doable. Would make a difference.

Try it.

Take control of your lives.

Congratulations to all of you, I wish you all the best. And congratulations, Alek!

Having It All—A Reality Check

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This Is Your Life. (Photo: Wiki, Five-set Venn diagram, by Branko Grünbaum)
This Is Your Life. (Photo: Wiki, Five-set Venn diagram, by Branko Grünbaum)

The title of this site is “Reality Check,” so I’d like to “reality check” something I recently read somewhere and to which I do hear mentioned a lot out “in the wild” of life. This, and another issue, had been buzzing around in my head all week.

Having it all.

What does that mean?

Can you really?

When I was in my twenties I tried to “have it all.” I was an Air Force officer, I began putting in serious, daily efforts in fiction writing (even took a Writer’s Digest correspondence course), and I did the following physical activities in a typically weekly cycle (certain activities, like skiing and road biking,  were obviously seasonal, but I did run in the snow and cold and hiked as weather permitted):  weight training (heavy!), martial arts (two styles), running, [road] biking, swimming, skiing, hiking, softball. I think that’s everything. And, for a period of time, I was getting four hours of sleep (I don’t recall how long I was doing this, but I did experiment with it; as I remember it, I did pretty good with it, just don’t recall for how long–and no, I don’t do that now). I had a resting heart rate in the 40s, was around 185/190 pounds at just under six feet.

I thought, yeah, man, I really can do this! If I keep this up, keep working out, I’ll be in superior shape in my later years and will look and feel and be better in my 40s+ than most people my age, and won’t tweak myself picking up a glass of water.

In short…I thought I could have it all.

You know what happened?

My joints started killing me.

Even in my twenties, my body couldn’t take it. Sure, it was fun, I had a blast, but I learned that in our physical existence, we have to make choices. In fact, I’d go so far as to say, that we’re not meant to “have it all.” We’re meant to make choices from the vast array of life experiences and focus in minute detail on that which we choose. Now, I do make the argument that in my belief of living multiple, simultaneous lives, there we can “have it all,” in that all the different versions of ourselves will make different decisions. That they will take the paths not traveled, the forks-in-the-road, not taken. And those decisions will lead to other decisions and choices undreamed of.

I also believe that those experiences bleed across our simultaneous lives to enrich the other lives, because, as I always love to say, all things are connected. Everything is tied to everything else. I also believe we can all see this in ourselves, if we look to our latent-but-not-use talents. Tangential interests. Daydreamed and nocturnally dreamed activities.

Do you have an interest in art, but are a Forest Ranger?

Does your vision correct to 20/10, but you’re myopic?

Are you a “natural” in the cockpit of a plane and unafraid when you lost altitude and the instructor pilot told you you better pull up?

Are you a Cubicle Warrior, but love the outdoors and find nature skills easy to learn and put into practice?

Look within yourselves and see what latent abilities, what likes and dislikes you secretly harbor and wonder about. They could very likely belong to another “Probable You,” running around out there this very minute…and day dreaming about you.

To be blunt, there is no physical way any of us can “have it all.” Let’s face it, we’d be God. We’re not God. Any idiot can tell you that by just turning on the TV. We are who we are, we’re here for whatever purpose, but within the Venn diagram of all this, we have to make decisions. We have to have some things, reject others.

We have to learn from our choices, live with our choices.

If you feel such a burning need to “have it all,” ask yourself…why? Do you understand the ramifications of such thinking? The damage it will do not only to your personal well-being and physical body, but also to your life and those in orbit around you? We all need time to recuperate, physically and mentally, and I don’t see a lot of that these days. I see a lot of literally violent, explosive behavior. Now, I’m no psychiatrist, but I would heavily wager that many of us are becoming so mentally stressed out, so pushed beyond the edge by the super-sized overloaded and the “have it all” society that we’re short circuiting.

So, I ask that we all aim for a “quality of life,” not a “have it all” attitude, factor in some down time, turn off the electronics, and save some activity for your Probably Yous.