F. P. Dorchak

Speculative Fiction (New Weird) Author

Seth material

St. Vincent

by

Bless Us All. Every One. (Image by CC BY 4.0 [http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0], via Wikimedia Commons)
Bless Us All. Every One. (Image by CC BY 4.0 [http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0], via Wikimedia Commons)

I follow a belief system that is not traditional. I don’t say I follow “XYZ” because I don’t like attributing labels to what I believe in. But some of its concepts can be quite a reach for many: that we create and control our own lives, not a divine being (though I feel the Divine Being is the medium, love, and impetus for our very existence). That we are not at the mercy of others…but attract into our lives all that we get…that we set up our own challenges…and one statement in particular really inspired this particular story…

I think you’ll figure out which statement.

This story was originally published in Black Sheep #40, the April-May 2001 issue.

Saint Vincent

© F. P. Dorchak, 1995

 

Vince ground his booted-heel into the Arizona sand, thoroughly pulverizing the beetle beneath it.

“Must have been your time to go…just like me.”

I raise my head and look up to the scorching sun, smell the fumes of my still-burning Camaro, and feel the heat where I stand. “Why’s everyone so afraid of dying? It’s just part of living.”

I lift my dusty .44-caliber, Dan Wesson to eye level and blow off loose sand. I look it over. What was really responsible here? Me, or this miraculously crafted piece of stainless steel? This wonder of human engineering?

I chuckle.

What a work of art, indeed, from its utilitarian lines to its perfect heft and balance. I drop my hand and weapon back to my side and think about the trooper burning away within the remains of her vehicle and mine. I hadn’t meant to kill her, but she came at me and I just didn’t want to go. Yet. I probably did her a favor. She would have died some other time, under the hand of one who didn’t care nearly as much as I did.

At least I meant well.

I limp away from Route 93 towards the jagged precipice ahead. I stop and turn one last time to consider the wreckage of my ‘67 Camaro and the trooper’s brand new Camaro. Life can be so funny sometimes.

Must’ve been her time.

 

So why doesn’t anything matter?

We’re born, we die; if we’re lucky, we get laid now and then…maybe have a family or two…pay taxes from a job we more often than not can’t stand…then die. I’m not finding any answers, damn it, and I’m damn near the end of my rope—

I move off the pavement.

Vince climbed ever higher up the crags, his gun tucked into the rear of his jeans, waves of heat radiating off the rocks and sand beating into him. He sucks in thick gulps of air into aching, straining, lungs…

Where had I first heard—or read—it? The statement still plagues me like a festering wound: Fact is official fiction.

I mean, who comes up with this shit?

All my life I struggle…try to do the right thing…be the nice guy…and I’m told that everything, everything I’ve ever believed in, everything I’ve ever worked for…is false?

Fact is official fiction, all right.

If we make it all up, then what’s right (is there even a “right”)? Are we actually alive or mere characters? Me killing someone isn’t really killing since I’m not really taking anyone’s life—it’s all an illusion, fiction. There isn’t even a God because we make it all up.

Try to prove it otherwise.

Faith doesn’t work because we create that, too—sure, we create the ideas as well as the substance. It’s all part of how life works—am I the only one who sees this? But, no, it gets better, since we made up this idea of killing, now we must create the idea that if you kill someone—an untruth to begin with—you have to pay for it—another untruth.

Why? Why?

So am I really crazy…or is crazy just another made-up fallacy? And if I’m not real, then others can’t do a damned thing to me, right (and I can’t do a damned thing to them, either)?

Look at me so far: I’ve told my boss to go to hell (punched out the idiot, in fact) then robbed an all-night supermarket. So, several hundred miles, four days, and three dead bodies later, here I am, stuck out in the middle of the Arizona desert, drying up from the summer sun, and hungrier than a circling buzzard.

Yet, here I am.

Vince climbs higher, but never sees, or hears, the Arizona troopers below who block off the road. His mind swarms with tortured, philosophical arguments full of possibilities, probabilities, and inspirations. Finding a particularly good handhold, he pulls himself up and finds a ledge large enough to allow him to stretch out…but which also extends back out of the reach of the sun under an outcropping of rock.

I pull myself onto the ledge and enjoy the feel of the rock. I sense how it reaches out to me as I grab for it. I smell the dryness and timeliness of the earth. Even though my fingers, arms, and legs scream with pain, I enjoy where I’m at and how I’ve gotten here. I settle in on my ledge and stretch out. “So what have I really done?” I casually ask the rock walls. “Have I really robbed anyone…really killed anyone?” If there’s nothing to rob, then I didn’t really commit the crime, now, did I? If there’s nothing to kill, then I didn’t really commit a crime there either, did I?

Then why do I feel so damned guilty?

How can it all feel so genuine if it’s all so illusional? I feel like I’m watching myself—or someone else is—like I’m a-I’m a character in a book, or a movie. I feel like there’re these gigantic faces peering down at me from some ungodly distance….

Why can’t I figure this out?

In a sudden burst of anger, I toss my weapon away—only to realize a moment later what I’ve done—but it’s too late. I watch as my beautiful piece of utilitarian artistry flips and sails through the air…end over end, roll after roll…until (ages later) it clatters and bounces and discharges twice off the rocky escarpment below. The discharges echo wildly and I continue to watch stupidly, even after it has settled quietly somewhere in the rubble below.

“So…what did that mean?” I again ask the rocky walls.

Did that have any significance? Was that just some random act of man, God, or nature? Someone or something guiding me? Why would I do such a thing—and furthermore, would I require further use of the weapon? If no one’s ever really killed what need do I have of the thing?

If there‘s no death, then do I need to fear for my life? Do I need a killing machine to protect a life that can’t be taken away—

This is all so damned confusing.

Why is this happening to me? Am I missing something? Getting a vital part of the equation all fouled up and confused?

I fold my legs before me and clasp them with my hands. I look about. Feel the gentle breeze that softly caresses my skin—it doesn’t care what I have or haven’t done. I enjoy my solitude—that I’m alone on this ledge—just me, nothing else, and revel (did I actual use that word?) in the fact that I got myself here. I never would’ve considered doing something like this before, climbing sheer rock walls.

I try to relax, and inhale deeply; close my eyes. When I reopen them, I notice some strange little creature, like a scorpion, but without that menacing, curving, tail, curiously checking me out. It also doesn’t seem to know what I’ve done, what I’m capable of. It cautiously approaches; stops. Comes a little closer…then again stops. It’s quick. We look at each other. I know not what this thing is, and curiously enough, feel no need to kill it.

Why is that?

I reach out to it and it scurries back a step or two, then stops. I keep my hand where it is, and it reapproaches…pauses…then touches my skin.

I feel nothing.

It takes a tentative step or two with its little legs up onto my hand—then scurries the rest of the way up. I lift my hand to eye level and examine it. Whatever it is, it, too, is magnificently crafted and suited to whatever is its purpose. I smile, but suddenly feel sad, and lower my hand back to the dirt ledge. I allow the creature to hop off and continue on in its adventures.

Maybe I’ve misinterpreted everything. Maybe—

I consider suicide.

Launching myself from this ledge to soar like my gun, until I, too, strike the rubble below…but know I could never do such a thing.

Is suicide different from so-called “natural” death?

If fact is fiction, and we make up everything, then doesn’t that also apply to death, that we choose our own time of passing? If this is so, then how is suicide any different from dying from a heart attack? Either way we take our own lives. Could it be our own perceptions that make things right or wrong…our intents—

This is too weird. If I’ve figured it all out, then what am I still doing here? There has to be more…has to be something I’ve missed….

I again close my eyes and lay back against the rock.

“Oh, God—if there is a You—this feels soooo good.”

No deadlines…no hassles…no worries—current philosophical dilemmas notwithstanding. I feel like that book, Catch-22. How can I say I’m crazy, because if I say I am, am I? I wish I had that book here, now, I never did finish it.

I shuffle my hands through the dirt alongside me and touch something unexpected for my surroundings of sand and stone. I look down and find a paperback novel. I pick it up and read its title.

Catch-22.

It’s a worn copy…just like the one I last remembered reading.

“Wait a minute…this…this can’t be…unless—”

At that precise moment a rifled bullet slams through Vincent’s forehead, fired from the muzzle of an Arizona State Trooper’s rifle, and Vincent achieves sainthood. It was also then that I realized I was telling my own story…and that though I was a character in that story—as are any of us—characters need to care about themselves, just as readers need to care about them. It’s not about nothing—or even fiction—it’s about love, emotion, and experience—all that and more. It’s what each story means to each individual, each character. We all get out of our stories what we put into them. This is my story.

What’s yours?

Related Posts

The Reincarnational Conundrum

by

Life's Rabbit Hole. (Image by Amanvanasparesort [CC BY-SA 4.0, http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0], via Wikimedia Commons)
Life’s Rabbit Hole. (Image by Amanvanasparesort [CC BY-SA 4.0, http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0%5D, via Wikimedia Commons)
On my last post, Karen, a friend of mine, posed the following:

“You know I’ve had these types of experiences (though not visualizing what I might have been – just having the results of those experiences bleed over). What I’m curious about though is whether you think a simultaneous or future life affects you now to prevent problems, warn of them, improve your understanding of them…. If so, why wouldn’t they also solve the problems of the other lives (the pressing, for example) unless we are supposed to go through pain for some reason.”

She raises some good points, points that I’ve heard many times over the years. I will try to clarify my stance on the matter in as succinct a manner as possible without getting all “book length” on the matter (which I really wasn’t able to do, as you’ll see), but in order to do so I must give some “background” information first….

On the one hand, yes, we all are better in our current point-of-view (POV) life because of something we’ve “already experienced” in another life, past or future. This can be a physical thing, like superb physical conditioning, to nonphysical abilities, like mental or emotional prowess. But even this answer is far more “trite” and superficial than Karen’s answer requires, because there are so many variables to both the question and the answer.

So many, many “rabbit holes” to explore!

All of the below are my beliefs…beliefs I’ve cultivated over my life from reading and employing all I’ve learned (I’ve studied religion and philosophy in college and on my own, as well as physics and metaphysics)…so I’m not going to caveat each statement with “This is my belief, but…,” I’m just gonna state each response as a statement. Take it or leave it, but these are my views.

Note that while some of what I’m about to say below may appear to conflict with other things I say…there really is no contradiction. Once you really assimilate what I’m talking about…step back and look at it from as outside of Human perspectives as much as is possible that any Human can do such a thing…all probabilities can co-exist. Again, I have not come up with this stuff on my own…but I’ve come to see the reality behind these concepts in action…in play in my own life. I’ve even written about these to varying degrees in my work.

Simultaneous Time

There is no inherent Time.

There is only our interpretations of physical events, known as “Time,” because we are so “close” to the corporal (“physical”) aspects of this life that this “closeness” is interpreted as “Time.” It’s not a bad thing. It’s actually quite a cool thing. I feel this is quite important for all of us who inhabit this Space/Time Continuum. For instance: if we didn’t have Time, we couldn’t consider or reconsider our actions: you hate a person for whatever reason. If there were no Time how might this “hate” manifest? It’d probably immediately “act” itself out…but, given that we have “Time” that act does not need to be immediately acted upon…but allows us reflection. Sure, others do act on such impulses, but the great majority of us do not…and the ability to reflect still exists whether or not it is chosen.

Time is really our “Safety Net.”

The Point of Power Is In The Present

This means that whatever else exits out there…however many other lives we’re living…none of those lives control who we are in the present, current moment. No other person or “entity” controls our lives.

The current moment is our “me” conscious POV of NOW.

The ME here, now, writing this…having the thoughts I’m putting down on this post…is NOT controlled by any other “me” out there. We can influence each other through “bleed throughs” (explained below)…inspire each other…but no one [other] self controls another self.

So…the “point of power” is always with the current POV’s self.

I realize this gets funky fast…like looking into a mirror that’s reflecting back  mirrored images into infinity…but there’s no contradiction here. Since there are multiple you’s and me’s out there, this applies to all of them. It’s like considering all aspects of God and S/He/It…how could God always exist?—where did he always exist?!

Again: your conscious POV is the point of power of all Life Control. This is also where the “Free Will” card resides. This is your free will…your point of power.

We need this kind of focus to really learn on WHAT to focus…and to focus CLEARLY only upon that which we really want to focus upon. To DIRECT our focuses in ways that we can’t even imagine…but certainly are learning how to….

Bleed Throughs

All of life is energy…which is never destroyed, but “merely” changes states. And since there is no Time (only our perception of it)…all energy interacts with all energy. It’s like electromagnetic waves. Heat waves. Ripples in water when objects are thrown into them. It all radiates outward in whatever dimensions exist….two-dimensional water ripples…three-dimensional radio waves…multi-dimensional Life Energy (for lack of a better term, which presently eludes me…). Our thoughts are energy. The movement of our arms…eyelashes. Internal digestion. It’s all formations and transformations of energy.

So…anything we do—anything—our thoughts, our actions, our emotions…all radiate outward and affect everything else out there.

Yes, it can truly be maddening thinking about all the possibilities/probabilities… but that is the wonder of Life!

Know Thyself

You know yourself. You do.

You may not admit it to anyone…you may not admit it even to yourself…but you know who and what you are on a basic, Human level. All your weirdnesses…your loves, your likes and dislikes.

Your beliefs.

Do you believe in struggle? Religion? War? Love? Sleep? Ants?

You weed out things you do not believe in for things you do believe in…and there are certain things the majority of us have to believe in as a basis of our very existences, like breathing air. Kissing. Eating. Dying. These are the “lowest common denominators” of our accepting Life in this plane of existence. Sure, there are exceptions and some can “bend” the rules a little, but on the whole if we all didn’t agree upon a certain set of pre-existing rules, we couldn’t BE.

As an adult you believe in things you didn’t believe in as a child—and vice versa. Apply this to the different versions of You out there in all your other existences. You’re all different…yet YOU. They (all the other “you’s”) have the very same thing…and just because they are a “you,” does not mean “you” think the same way…or even agree with…each other. Just like the “you” now may not agree with the “you” at 73 or 13. You may not even like some of the other you’s out there. So…just because one “you” out there thinks or knows something doesn’t mean YOU (the one reading this) will agree with it or even take notice, because it goes so counter to your beliefs and et cetera. And really, none of us are “perfect” in any definition of the word (see below). We all make mistakes or occasionally wake up on the wrong side of the bed and make misinformed decisions….

Our conscious minds are our filters. We choose what we want to believe…what we want to perceive, and this also works on an unconscious level. And those other areas of ourselves don’t really know that well…we are learning about….

Barriers

There are obvious physical, mental, and metaphysical barriers to life.

But, again, there really aren’t.

Only the perceptions that there are barriers. So they exist.

Perception is reality…more than you may realize.

Perceptions are every bit as real and solid as concrete footing. They’re not to be ignored. Why so-called barriers are there is too long a subject to get into…but just know that they exist. We can peek behind and around them, but for the most part they are there for a reason…one of which is to allow us the ability to focus on who and where we are NOW. If all the barriers were open, it would be such a flood of information…and our current selves are not equipped to handle that…in this probable existence.

Probable Existences

No one reality—even our “me POV” life—is THE “standard,” or “rock bed” reality. Each reality is as important as the others. Each POV is the POV for that POV.

Sounds silly, but think about it: you’re considering your current POV as The Standard. That all the other POVs are spin offs from you. To be perceived BY you. But each of those other POVs are doing the same thing…and you’re all correct.

Slightly mind-blowing?

Every action spins off a result. Every thought. You think it…”it” takes off. You cannot call it back. Whether or not you follow it, it has taken on a life of its own, much like when you approach a fork in a road. You consider taking the other path, but you take the one you’re on. Well, your considerations spawned an alternate, probable reality where you did take the “other” path…and the path you took became the probable reality.

I know…it hurts to think about. But that’s why there are barriers!

Pain

Pain is not meant to be endured and muscled through as some sort of glorious badass activity. “Pain” is meant to let you know that something you are doing is affecting you in a way that is exhibiting itself as “pain”…an unpleasant sensation to you. You are meant to stop doing whatever it is that is so affecting you as “pain” and reexamine what it is you’re doing.

The attributes of “pain” are not “good” or “bad.” They are just the attributes that manifest in our physical existence as they do…like “bitter” or “sweet” exhibit themselves are not good or bad…they just are. But pain is meant to have you reflect upon what you are doing and to make appropriate changes.

Nobody’s Perfect

We are all learning how to wield the energy of our lives, so we will and do often make mistakes. Misdirect our energies. We are learning the responsibility of our actions…our thoughts as well as their exteriorized (physical) manifestations. We are learning the sanctity of Life. We are learning all this and more…and we are dong so in a medium (physical life) where, for lack of a better description, we have “room for error” on the cosmic scale of things. If we blow ourselves and our Earth up…we only blow up our version…our probably-reality-of-many-Earths-and-lives up. Other versions of Earth and us go on to exist quite well in other probable existences.

That does not make our actions any “less” than any other actions—they are all each extremely important and not to be dismissed.

End Game

Okay, so putting all this together…yes, you can get bleed throughs from your other lives, and yes, even “warnings” or anything else you want to label them, but it’s up to you whether or not you acknowledge and accept them, let alone act on them. But by the same token, there are so many variable to all lives, with the fluidity of life/energy, that circumstances are ever-changing.

So, in answer to Karen’s queries:

  • I’m curious about though is whether you think a simultaneous or future life affects you now to prevent problems, warn of them, improve your understanding of them….
    • All time is now and there are endless probabilities. All variations are given their sway. What you avoid in one probability, you confront in another. But, as contradictory as it sounds, yes, to all of the above…if you are open to said input and acknowledge “the knowledge,” you can “prevent” and “be warned.” And you can definitely improve your understanding of anything related to “all this.”
  • If so, why wouldn’t they also solve the problems of the other lives (the pressing, for example)
    • All probabilities are given expression…it just depends on your focus. Knowing yourself…how not everything YOU do is perfect and correct…apply that to every other version of you out there. And it’s not so much a case of “solving problems” as it is one of learning and growing…and yes, we all learn and grow through all of our experiences, “good” and “bad.” Think of a movie…the crap characters go through, but after the movie they’re none the worse for wear, and hopefully have learned something from their experience in the movie. But, yes, you could “solve” problems in one probability or another…while the “problems” still exist in other probabilities.
  • unless we are supposed to go through pain for some reason.”
    • See all of the above!
    • We are all learning how to use the energy that is available to us…and as anyone can see…we have a long way to go! We have the definition of “pain” above. “Pain” is not meant to be endured or to “go/power through”…it’s meant to be a signal to change something.

I hope I have helped clarify at least my stance on the matter, though I know all of you have your own beliefs…which is as it should be. I’m no guru, have no desire to even peripherally “touch” upon that kind of status…I’m just trying to work my way through life like every one else out there…and on the way give another perspective about how things may be. How I’ve seen things work in my life. Take what makes sense to you and ignore the rest, it doesn’t matter to me in that sense…yet matters to me a lot in the sense that we’re all Humans, all in this together, all trying to do our level best in our own ways as we make our way through life. I learn from others and I want to help others learn from my over 40 years of quite considered thought and down-right analysis.

We all benefit from learning from each other.

Related Articles

 

Meeting My Oversoul—In Person

by

I'll Give You A Memory! The Education of Oversoul 7, © 1973, Jane Roberts (First Pocket Books printing, December, 1976)
I’ll Give You A Memory! The Education of Oversoul 7, © 1973, Jane Roberts (First Pocket Books printing, December, 1976)

Okay, this may well get you all wondering what the hell’s going on with me, but I had one of the coolest metaphysical experiences happen to me the other night. Sure, if I were you, reading this, I’d have the same questions, but I’m not…I was at the receiving end and know what I experienced.

I went to bed early Wednesday night after rereading some of the novel, The Education of Oversoul 7. I was reading a section that talked about the Oversoul Seven character annoyed that one of its earthly personalities only saw him as an older guy with graying hair.

So, I go to bed.

About an hour or two later, I’m awakened by this guy my age or older—with gray in his hair—leaning out/down to me. He’s reaching out with his left hand with a focused concentration and tapping me on the forehead as I lay in bed!

I then actually (I physically did this—it wasn’t a dream) reached up trying to block his tapping, and said something like “Oh, come on…” or “Nooo!” because he was waking me up, for Godsakes!  You see, I’ve been having trouble sleeping the past week and I’d had a good sleep…even if for only that hour or two then!

The man’s face was neutral…not smiling nor angry. It was actually very intent—focused—as in trying to get through to me.

This has meaning.

I’m sure many of you think this totally fictional, another byproduct of the all-illusionary hypnogogic state brought on by the novel I was reading. And that’s okay. But I don’t feel this to be the case. It was far, far too coincidental. Stuff like this doesn’t happen to me where I see something, watch a movie, read a book, then dream about it. My dreams just don’t work that way (and I’m quite aware of what I dream about and have been logging them since I was a kid, so I do know what I’m talking about, here).

This has meaning because I’ve recently been hoping I could have more dreams where I meet my oversoul—and remember it. Then the new novel I’m beginning work on caused me to return to this particular novel. Then, given the passage I’d just been reading, I have the experience just described.

It’s all part of a series of related events. As I always say, everything’s related to everything else.

This has to be my oversoul making “an appearance.” It’s been a year or more where I haven’t had an obvious dream about him/her and remembered it. It’s just too “coincidental,” and I don’t believe in meaningless coincidences.

And given the intense look of “focused concentration,” well, it’s one I obviously did remember!

What does it mean?

It means that there is another “entity” out there listening to me…and trying to help out in the background. Back behind the curtain of life. S/he (the male/female form presented is not the only form “they” [being “them”] wear) came at a perfect time…and with a perfect array of physical circumstances…my need, the novel, the passage within the novel…it’s all beautifully laid out if you think about it! Perfectly executed, with even a flair of not only the dramatic, but humor!

Really—tapping me on the forehead?!

It’s something my dad would do… but if that doesn’t get one’s attention….

All very much like who I am (dramatic: writing; humor: me). I just can’t convey how utterly perfect the execution enough!

I’d been so busy (mentally and physically) this week, it didn’t really hit me until yesterday how cool the execution…how dramatic an event it was! This happens in our physical existences, where we get so caught up in the daily minutiae of life. But we all have the ability to step back and pause: re-evaluate our days. Our actions. Our experiences. Many couch their similar experiences in religious clothes—or even outright ignore them—and that’s okay. We all have our personal beliefs and our experiences will be so filtered to match those beliefs. But that we have these experiences at all…that some of us are open to them and their many and varied interpretations is what’s important. You may think I saw an angel…or a hypnogogic character from a novel I was reading—and that’s your interpretation. Nothing wrong with it. But it’s not mine. And there’s nothing wrong with my interpretation. We all interpret our lives as we will and must. It’s one of the reasons we’re put into physical reality. It’s our own personal and individual path toward growth.

Be open the to weird. It has wonderous things to show you!

Released: Psychic—The Ultimate Conspiracy Theory!

by

© Psychic (F. P. Dorchak and Duvall Design, coming mid-2014)
© Psychic (F. P. Dorchak and Duvall Design, coming mid-2014)

A hotline psychic.

Ghost children.

A lost teenager.

JFK.

A man-in-black.

Remote viewers.

A Man With No Name.

The 1990s.

After 20 years, it’s finally making it out into the world!

Psychic.

I started with the idea and began taking notes and research and all that back in 1994. I started actually writing the book in earnest, in 2000. And now—in 2014—Psychic is finally released! My longest (published) work so far, at 328 pages. It has been a long, hard road, and (I must say) I’m quite happy with the result…looking forward to how it will be received!

Psychic is now available at both the  CreateSpace eStore and Amazon.com. It will be available at the following outlets in the following timeframes:

  • Amazon.com: 3-5 Business Days (already available!)
  • Amazon Europe: 3-5 Business Days
  • Expanded Distribution channels: 6-8 Weeks

I’ve talked about this a little before (I’m sure, in some other post besides this one, but can’t seem to find it…), but Psychic was not an “easy” book. No, not at all. Nearly all of my manuscript first drafts were “easy” in that I just wrote them out—without an outline—I’d just sit down, put my fingers to the keyboard, and out came the story. I like to say I “vomit out” first drafts (ask me about my “fish” story—I love to tell it!). First drafts have taken me about a month or less, but it would be in the next several years where I’d work and rework the heck out of those manuscripts. None of them was any trouble, though…it was just the necessary mechanics of putting in the time, the research, the effort.

Psychic was different.

To be honest, it was a slog. Even as I wrote the very first words, the first draft, it was like running through water…or (more like) a swamp. I can’t explain it. It was the first manuscript that took any real effort on my part. And the antagonist, Victor NMI Black…he actually scared me. Whether or not it was the actual character or the idea of such an evil man like him possibly existing out there (physically or nonphysically…). I remember taking a walk one day, in the brilliant Colorado daylight, thinking about this guy…how nasty and “evil” he was…and actually got nervous…felt…uneasy—even while chiding myself in broad daylight that he was just a frigging character in a novel I had created, and I had control over him….

But did I…really?

The very idea of this guy scared me. He was flat-out mean. It surprised me that feeling of momentary fear I felt during that walk. To the story, well, that will remain to be seen from its readers if I did the proper job of transferring that image into the novel,  but, to me, on a nonphysical, conceptual level, this character was extremely distasteful and scary.

It was like the idea of him was far too real.

Anyway, it’s not so much that I had “problems” with the story, the work, or anything “about” it, it’s just that it had a totally different energy about it. The novel involves messing around with the nonphysical in the physical. About fucking around with our sense of what’s real and what’s not. Our ability to utilize abilities that might well be considered out of our moral range. Not to mention such considerations, like, can facts change? If I really wanted to get all weird about it—all conspiracy theory on your asses—it was almost as if there really was some weird psychic conspiracy trying to keep this novel from coming out…actively and continually interdicting and meaconing me away from my efforts….

But I don’t really believe that.

Not now.

<checking outside my office…the rest of the house…all locks are locked—it is oh-dark-thirty right now….>

Sure, such considerations and stories make for great promotional copy, but the reality of it is that each book is different. Each book has its own energy, and given the nature of the story, what I experienced was and is totally in keeping with the nature of the story’s energy. The whole absolute weirdness of it all. In fact, while working on the formatting of the manuscript for upload, my formatter, Pam Headrick (of A Thirsty Mind), sent me a strange e-mail: “Wow, Frank, what did you do?” She mentioned that there were all kinds of “odd anchors” and “strange text placement,” to which I replied I’d forgotten how I’d actually had problems with the file months ago (after a system upgrade) and had to save the file in a slightly different format to get it to work. How the system kept hanging and saves took, like, 15 minutes!

Find your happy place…find your happy place….

Psychic is “an extension” of Sleepwalkers. I could call it a series, but I don’t know that that would be quite right. Sleepwalkers is quite a different book than Psychic. Sleepwalkers is a pleasant metaphysical road trip, funny, philosophical, even a bit Richard Bach-ish, while Psychic is a nasty trip on the wild side of psychic activity. More dense. I’d use the term “complicated” but am finding that term overused and trite. And the only character common to both novels is the Man With No Name. Granted, perhaps less has been made of calling a collection of books “a series,” but I just prefer to think of them as “related.” Maybe I’m just resistant to the whole “series thing,” given how trad publishing is glutting the market with them, I don’t know (and I’m really resistant to being told what to do—real or implied). So…

I’ll bill Psychic as the ultimate conspiracy theory, and leave it as that.

It’s an alternate reality not only to Sleepwalkers (and deals with the Man With No Name’s origins) but to our “known” reality. Deals with the dark side of life we may never really know about…what goes on in the shadows of our so-called truths….

It’s about obfuscation.

The evil men can do.

Perceptions.

Probabilities.

Metaphysics.

Have you ever felt a different version of you (the “you,” here and now, not in some other reincarnational existence) did something else? Behaved differently? Maybe even died earlier than the you reading this, now?

What do we really know about our reality? Our facts? How aware are we of what we think we know? How much of what we hear and read are true—or were true at some point?

Do we notice when things…change?

Or do we dismiss the seeming inconsistencies in our lives and immediately discount them, because they don’t make sense with everything else we think we know and see in our lives? What we think is a solid “fact”? Hey, I put my ring right there—where the hell is it?

Psychic says, don’t discount this stuff. Do not ignore. Pay attention. The devil is in the details. Do you absolutely remember something that is different from what everyone around you is remembering? I’m telling you, no, you may not be crazy.

Pay attention.

One might well ask: so what? What does it all mean and why should I care? Can we actually do anything about any of this? Can we effect any real change in a world that seems to be running amok?

The easy answer to that is that I’m an eternal optimist. I’ve plugged away at this novel for 14 years of my life, 20, in one way or the other. I always believe we can effect good and positive change in the world…and I believe once you’re made aware of “things,” made aware that, yes, facts really can change—that each and every one of us can change them—it opens up a new, exciting world for all of us. And…

What do you believe?

Will Psychic change the way you believe? How you perceive the world? Your life? That’s up to each reader. Life is all about beliefs.

What we believe drives how we behave.

In the end, Psychic is “just” a novel. It’s fiction. Victor Black…fictional. Yes, there are lots of facts in there, even a few facts from my own life. Weirdness, like the ring scene (yes, that really did happen, as did another similar experience, “The Grape“). And the “rototiller” and “Woomera” scenes. Facts, as you’ll see, aren’t always what they appear to be…if they ever were.

I do have a bunch of people to thank in getting Psychic released, and they’re all on my Acknowledgement page in the book, but I have to spotlight a couple of them: lots of thanks to Karen Duvall, of Duvall Design for the cover, to Pam Headrick, of A Thirsty Mind Book Design, for formatting the files…and to Joyce Combs and Mandy Pratt for copyediting and proofreading! With all the back and forth I’ve done, initially setting the novel in milieus, like 2005, then updating it for the likes of (man…the years, they pass by oh-so-quickly…) 2007, 2010, 2012, and even 2014…I finally settled upon 1994. Adding and removing all the details  for each of those years was time consuming, to say the least, and it was here that Mandy did a great job keeping me on track and proofing my work!

I am currently only doing a trade paperback book. I find that e-books really aren’t selling all that great (for me), so am putting off creating those for later. So, don’t despair, at some point in the future, I’ll do the e-book version.

Where do I go from here?

I do still have some unreleased work in the various dark places within which I keep things like these, and will be revisiting yet another one. This one will be #7 in my list. Yeah, the “unnamed” one. We’ll see how that one goes and whether or not it will get released. After that one, I may get back to work on the one I started in 2011 (#11), but that’s so far into the future and who knows what the “facts” will be by that time…where I will be in my probable and alternate realities…but I do have a ton of work to keep me busy for a number of years, and would even love to compile a collection of my short stories….

With any of my work, feel free to pass on any of the graphics from my blog posts, tweets, Pinterest, et cetera (though I ask that you render proper attribution). If you need a book or a speaker at your local library, book club, or writer’s group, either in person or via phone/Skype, please, feel free to contact me, at fpdorchak “at” fpdorchak dot com (or leave a comment in a blog post). Post reviews at your favorite websites (if you’d like a book for a book review, please contact me at the above email). Need to fill a blog post? Interview me! Direct me to a library and I’ll send them some free copies. If you come up with any ideas, again, contact me at the above e-mail address. If you’d like a signed copy, send it to the following address: F. P. Dorchak, P. O. Box 49393, Colorado Springs, CO 80949. Take my books to work or the gym and flaunt their covers! Tweet and blog about them! Any way you can all help out to get the word out is hugely appreciated! Mention me to radio shows. Local writer conferences. Reader groups. Send my social media links.

As always, thank you for all your support! I can’t thank you all enough! Publishing is a team effort, and I always manage to find a great team—but part of that team is also the readers! I love what I’m doing and all the support I’m getting from all of you!

And again…pay attention to the details of your lives…let nothing escape your notice, however “insignificant” those details may appear.

What does it all mean?

I think that’s up to each of us to figure out.

Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/fpdorchak/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/fpdorchak

Twitter handle: @fpdorchak

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/F-P-Dorchak/624941894190230

Psychic Cover "Flat" (© F. P. Dorchak and Duvall Design, 2014)
Psychic Cover “Flat” (© F. P. Dorchak and Duvall Design, 2014)

Related articles

The Ghost Inside My Child

by

“Airplane Crash! Plane On Fire! Little Man Can’t Get Out!”

I read about James Leininger (now, a full-fledged Eagle Scout teenager) years ago (around 2000, or so), when the story about the young two-year-old reincarnated from the downed WWII pilot, James M. Huston, Jr, first came out, and have been following his progress ever since. Read the book, Soul Survivor,  his folks published.  The other two stories of reincarnated children on this video are new, and I’d never heard of them before but are just as riveting. I don’t want to say anything about them, so you can enjoy the discovery on your own, in the above, 41-minute video, which was just posted on the Leininger blog.

Not shown in this video, because it’s about children, is another pretty incredible story, involving Jenny Cockell. I highly recommend checking out her and her books, one of which is titled, Across Time And Death, A Mother’s Search For Her Past Life Children.

The thing about reincarnation is that everyone does it. It’s not just those who’ve died nasty deaths…but those who have died nasty deaths are probably more apt to recall past lives, because the circumstances had been so horrible upon their deaths. I’ve also read that some souls, upon death, immediately turn around and jump back into physical life—that doesn’t mean they’re reborn in the same year, that next second, but that they just don’t take any time to “relax” or assimilate their deaths…and jump right back into physical reality in whatever time period they chose (and in James’s case, he describes a little about that briefly in Soul Survivor…about how he, essentially, “floated around” for a period of time looking for the right parents, and observed them for a little before choosing them—note, I said choose).

And, as you watch the above video, consider this…those personalities who have reincarnated into our time? They were also reincarnated in their lives.

Ever consider that?

We all “reincarnate” throughout all our lives, in that (in my humble opinion) we all live multiple—and simultaneous—lives. Life is far too intricate and wondrous to be limited to one, single life. We all have far too much to learn, and we just can’t fit it into one life. I’ve talked about this before in other posts.

It’s disheartening that situations like these arise and the parents involved are not equipped to deal with them. Need to “make it better” or can’t “fix” it. There’s nothing to fix…only to understand. And in understanding, it’s not about the previous personality taking over the current one’s life. It’s simply a matter of understanding what’s happening, fully addressing it, helping the child understand…but also understanding that your life is yours…not anyone else’s…not even that previous personality’s. One should not be worried about a child talking about “another mother”…or that that “other mother” will take over your affections. Don’t you see this can be Daisy-chained ever farther backward, with each previous person’s reincarnational lineage? To everyone? What matters is your present life. What matters is you as a parent or uncle or friend schooling the children with these memories that it’s okay and natural to have them. It is…but you’re in a new place now, those memories cannot really hurt you. Children cry and wail for all kinds of reasons, and we soothe them. Sooth them, here, too. I know there haven’t been tools or guidelines out—until recently—on how to deal with this kind of behavior, but with an open mind and a little research you can understand what’s going on through venues like this, books like Soul Survivor, and so many others. A past life does not have to take control of your child…reliving its memory is one thing, and is healthy to the greater understanding of who we are, why we behave as we do…why we’re afraid of flying, or water, or have  a penchant for music, alcohol, or wide, open plains and Mongolian barbeques. We need to understand these things, not stomp them down into our unconsciousnesses, where they will never really go away, but breed and fester and somehow manifest into symptoms we can never truly understand and end up medicating for the rest of our lives.

Reincarnation also shows how we are all so intimately connected.

Maybe a parent in one life is our spouse or child in another. It should give us a far greater appreciation of each other, that we are all not that different, no, not at all, not even all that separated from each other, no matter that we live on different sides of the planet. That death is not permanent. Life situations are not permanent. That our souls actually do survive beyond death and that, hey, here’s a shocker, we not only choose the lives we live…but also our parents…our family members.

Reincarnational memories usually happen before six years of age, usually around ages 2 or 3. For many, these memories eventually fade after 6 years of age…unless one makes an effort to keep them. I have one instance when I was about six years of age that involved the Civil War, but have had other feelings and predispositions, like an interest in B-17s.  The problem with getting these later is that they’re more filtered by your current life’s beliefs and minutiae, so the memories are not as fully developed, not as complete.

Don’t let reincarnational memories frighten. Be smart about them and learn from them. Be open to them…and be open to your children about them. If you think children can’t handle them, consider what they’re already going through…what they’ve been through in a previous life. Be a parent and guide them through it. If they’re already talking about “my other mother,” describing gruesome death scenes, it’s probably a pretty sure bet they can handle the conversation you control. It’s probably a pretty sure bet that all the good you tell them they can handle. If you don’t understand it, tell them you’re not sure, but together you will both find out what it is, what’s going on, and explore what your child is trying to tell you…but that memories cannot hurt them. Ignoring them, stomping them down can.

Be a parent.

Apply the same techniques you would with any other situation that children are having a hard time with, or are afraid of. Just don’t ignore it. There’s so much to learn and grow from.

Related articles

In Memoriam to Jane Roberts (May 8, 1929 – September 5, 1984)

by

Jane Roberts
Jane Roberts, 1929 – 1984 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Today marks the 28th anniversary of the death of Jane Roberts, who, along with Rob Butts, compiled the Seth material. I didn’t personally know Jane, though had written to her when I was a kid (and, well, read most of her work). I did know her husband (he had responded to my youthful letters), and we’d corresponded for many years, until his death in 2008.

Here’s to remembering Jane and her work!

  • Roberts, Jane (1956). The Red Wagon, short story. Publisher: The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, December edition.
  • Roberts, Jane (1957). The Canvas Pyramid, short story. Publisher: The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, March edition.
  • Roberts, Jane (1957). First Communion, short story. Publisher: First Communion Fantastic Universe, March edition.
  • Roberts, Jane (1957). The Chestnut Beads, novella, (Bundu series). Publisher: The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, October edition.
  • Roberts, Jane (1958). The Bundu, novella, (Bundu series). Publisher: The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, March edition.
  • Roberts, Jane (1958). A Demon at Devotions, short story. Publisher: The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, September edition.
  • Roberts, Jane (1959). Nightmare, short story. Publisher: The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, April edition.
  • Roberts, Jane (1959). Impasse , short story. Publisher: The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, July edition.
  • Roberts, Jane (1963). The Rebellers, novel. Publisher: Ace Books.
  • Roberts, Jane (1964). Three Times Around , short story. Publisher: The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, May edition.
  • Roberts, Jane (1966). How To Develop Your ESP Power. Publisher: Federick Fell. (Later retitled and reprinted as The Coming of Seth.) ISBN 0-8119-0379-6.
  • Roberts, Jane (1970). The Seth Material. Reprinted, 2001 by New Awareness Network. ISBN 978-0-9711198-0-2 .
  • Roberts, Jane and Robert F. Butts (1972). Seth Speaks: The Eternal Validity of the Soul. Reprinted 1994 by Amber-Allen Publishing. ISBN 1-878424-07-6.
  • Roberts, Jane (1974). The Nature of Personal Reality. Prentice-Hall. Reprinted 1994, Amber-Allen Publishing. ISBN 1-878424-06-8.
  • Roberts, Jane (1975). Adventures in Consciousness: An Introduction to Aspect Psychology. Prentice-Hall. ISBN 0-13-013953-X.
  • Roberts, Jane (1975). Dialogues of the Soul and Mortal Self in Time. Prentice-Hall. ISBN 0-13-208538-0. Poetry.
  • Roberts, Jane (1976). Psychic Politics: An Aspect Psychology Book. Prentice-Hall. ISBN 0-13-731752-2.
  • Roberts, Jane (1977). The “Unknown” Reality Vol. 1. Prentice-Hall. Reprinted 1997, Amber-Allen Publishing. ISBN 1-878424-25-4.
  • Roberts, Jane (1979). The “Unknown” Reality Vol. 2. Prentice-Hall. Reprinted 1997, Amber-Allen Publishing. ISBN 1-878424-26-2.
  • Roberts, Jane (1977). The World View of Paul Cezanne: A Psychic Interpretation. ISBN 0-13-968859-5.
  • Roberts, Jane (1978). The Afterdeath Journal of An American Philosopher: The World View of William James. Prentice-Hall. ISBN 0-13-018515-9.
  • Roberts, Jane (1979). Emir’s Education in the Proper Use of Magical Powers. Prentice-Hall. ISBN 1-57174-142-9. Children’s literature.
  • Roberts, Jane (1979). The Nature of the Psyche: Its Human Expression. Prentice-Hall. Reprinted 1996, Amber-Allen Publishing. ISBN 1-878424-22-X.
  • Roberts, Jane (1981). The Individual and the Nature of Mass Events. Prentice-Hall, ISBN 0134572599. Reprinted 1994, Amber-Allen Publishing, ISBN 1-878424-21-1.
  • Roberts, Jane (1995). The Oversoul Seven Trilogy. Amber-Allen Publishing. ISBN 1-878424-17-3. Edition: Paperback; May 1, 1995 (originally published as three separate books: The Education of Oversoul 7 (1973); The Further Education of Oversoul Seven (1979); Oversoul Seven and the Museum of Time (1984).
  • Roberts, Jane (1981). The God of Jane: A Psychic Manifesto. Prentice-Hall. ISBN 0-01-335749-2. Reprinted 2000, Moment Point Press. ISBN 0-9661327-5-0.
  • Roberts, Jane (1982). If We Live Again, Or, Public Magic and Private Love. Prentice-Hall. ISBN 0-13-450619-7. Poetry.
  • Roberts, Jane (1986). Dreams, Evolution and Value Fulfillment. Prentice-Hall, two volumes, ISBN 0-13-219452-X and ISBN 0-13-219460-0.
  • (1993). A Seth Reader. Vernal Equinox Press. Compendium edited by Richard Roberts. ISBN 0-942380-15-0.
  • Roberts, Jane (1995). The Magical Approach : Seth Speaks About the Art of Creative Living. Amber-Allen Publishing. ISBN 1-878424-09-2.
  • Roberts, Jane (1997). The Way Toward Health: A Seth. Robert F. Butts (Foreword), Amber-Allen Publishing. ISBN 187842430.
  • Roberts, Jane (2006). The World View of Rembrandt. New Awareness Network. ISBN 0-9768978-2-2.
  • Roberts, Jane (1997 and after). The Early Sessions (Sessions 1 through 510 of the Seth Material). New Awareness Network. Edited by Robert Butts. Nine volumes. ISBN 0-9652855-0-2.
  • Roberts, Jane (2003). The Personal Sessions. New Awareness Network. Deleted session material. Seven volumes. ISBN 0-9711198-4-8.
  • Roberts. Jane. The Early Class Sessions. New Awareness Network. Two volumes.

Thanks to Wikipedia for a listing of Jane’s work (I have not cross-checked all references, so pardon for any omissions).