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F. P. Dorchak

Speculative Fiction (New Weird) Author

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Short Stories

The "You Belong" Anthology 2016

September 14, 2016 by fpdorchak

You Belong 2016 Anthology, Edited by Steve Kenworthy, ©2016 (ISBN 978-0-692-77438-0) Used with permission of Steve Kenworthy.
You Belong 2016 Anthology, Edited by Steve Kenworthy, ©2016 (ISBN 978-0-692-77438-0) Used with permission of Steve Kenworthy.

I was first included in the Longmont Public Library’s first anthology back in 2012. It was an honor to have been selected by an organization I’d never before heard of, especially since I don’t live by them! I’ve forgotten just how they found me, but they did, and it was an honor to have my short story, “Tail Gunner,” included in their collection.

This year, I was again included in their fifth anthology, You Belong 2016, Words and Images from Longmont Area Residents!

As Steve Kenworthy, anthology editor, explained to me they had gone more “in-house” with their last four anthologies, and rightly so. They wanted to keep it more local. But with the fifth collection, they decided to again extend their reach outward to those who had been in the first one. The release of the fifth anthology was in conjunction with their library festival, and a handful of us read from sections of our stories on September 8th. All proceeds from the book go to supporting the Longmont Public Library, and I am proud to have helped them and even bought 15 of their books. I gave out a bunch of them at the RMFW Colorado Gold Conference that following weekend.

My entry into this year’s anthology is my story, “Broken Windows.” It’s an emotional and tragic tale of a woman’s reconciliation with her dead father. Of course, since I wrote it, it’s paranormal. I don’t write “normal.” After the reading, as I was on my way out to make the hour-and-a-half return trip home, a lady came up to me and complimented me on being brave enough to face my emotions like that. I thanked her…but carefully told her this story was not about my family. Eeeee…I always hate to point out when someone has made an error when I’m being complimented, but it goes to show you how powerfully I’d done my job in writing that story. Wow. I’m so glad it hit at least one reader like I’d wanted it to! Sure, I used elements from other people’s lives, but it’s a story. I did, however, tell the lady that up until the present (I started this story—the first four pages—in 1997, but finished it a few months back), every time I finished reading the story, I cried.

Cried?

Yes.

Outwardly. And not on the inside, like I joked about at the closing keynote at the RMFW conference! Actual tears.

See, ladies, I really can weep….

This story is that emotional for me. So, thank you, ma’am, for your compliment.

Of note, my story, set in Kansas, fits in beautifully with the cover image! How serendipitous!

I love the Longmont area and its library, have now been there twice. Terrific people! And the stories that I’d heard at the reading were wonderful and heartfelt. It was fun! It also hit me as I sat there that except for Steve Kenworthy I didn’t know another soul in that room! That just hit me kinda funny.

So…thank you…Steve and the staff at the Longmont Public Library…for inviting me to your 2016 anthology and including some of my work! It is an honor to have been thought of and included! I truly feel that I belong!

To get a copy of this or the other anthologies, contact:

Steve Kenworthy
Head of Technical Services/Systems Administrator
Longmont Public Library
409 4th Street
Longmont, CO 80501
303-651-8614
steve.kenworthy@longmontcolorado.gov

Related Articles

  • The “You Belong Anthology Read (fpdorchak.wordpress.com)
  • The “You Belong” Anthology (fpdorchak.wordpress.com)
  • “Tail Gunner” accepted in Longmont Library Anthology (fpdorchak.wordpress.com)

Filed Under: Leisure, Short Story, To Be Human, Writing Tagged With: Anthologies, authors, Barb Walter, Books, Colorado, Kathleen Thompson, Longmont Public Library, reading, Short Stories, Steve Kenworthy

Freefallin’

August 12, 2016 by fpdorchak

Into the Clouds. (Image by Radikaltech; [CC BY-SA 3.0, http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0], via Wikimedia Commons)
Into the Clouds. (Image by Radikaltech; [CC BY-SA 3.0, http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0%5D, via Wikimedia Commons)
I’ve done three static-line skydives, never done the freefall, but still was intrigued with the possibilities detailed within this story. It still gives me the heebie-jeebies re-reading it. Yeah. My palms are still sweating….

This story originally appeared in Black Sheep #60, August-September 2004

 

Freefallin’

© F. P. Dorchak, 2004

“Crazy my ass,” Ronny Flynn hissed, as he hurtled his body out the Beech 18, at 20,000 feet. The day was gorgeous, with puffy, billowy cumulus clouds set against an intense, deep blue sky. Skipping the standard arch, Ronny set himself rigid as a board and angled his head downward, trying to escape the other jumpers as quickly as possible.

I’ll show them who’s crazy!

Ronny, arms tucked tight against his body and legs together, shot like a bullet for the ground. Just because his wife had perished in a skydiving accident on this date last year and that he swore he kept hearing her voice since then didn’t mean he was crazy. Just because he kept having dreams about her did not mean he was insane. Just because—several times—he’d remarked to others how he couldn’t always tell fantasy from reality…tell real life from a dream…did not mean he had to be locked up. Many times he’d swore he was dreaming, but was actually awake…or thought Angela was still alive, because—in his dreams—she was. It was other people who kept bringing him down, bursting his bubbles. People dreamed about their dear departed all the time and were never declared crazy. Why was he any different?

Oh, right…something about his friends meeting him in a restaurant while he kept insisting Angela was just visiting the Ladies Room and would be returning any time now….

Well, what did they know.

Why, they’d seen her auger in, is what; they all had.

Angela wasn’t in the Ladies Room and she wasn’t ever coming back, and he’d better seek help or they’d be forced to take more drastic measures.

No, he would not allow himself to be locked up. Would not.

But he kept insisting that he saw her everywhere…and that had led to the intervention…the psychiatrist. Those words—not from the doc, that wouldn’t have been professional—but he knew he was thinking them. Of course he was, or else he wouldn’t have had to come back. Again and again and

Crazy?

He’s show them!

Glancing to his altimeter, Ronny angled toward a bank of clouds. Sport rules declared skydivers had to be able to see their dropzone and had to avoid jumping through clouds.

But he tired of rules.

Ronny disappeared into the cloud.

Whether because he was lost in his thoughts…or the pleasantly vertigo-inducing complete whiteness enveloping him…Ronnie lost track of exactly when he was promptly smacked—hard—in the gut…and bounced off something that couldn’t—mustn’t be—solid.

Not once…but twice.

Ronny abruptly found himself sliding down the length of the inside of the cloud’s bright white, homogenous interior, his hands and arms up and out before him like he was still falling. He slid for what seemed an eternity before coming to

A stop.

Either out of the fear–response habit, or reflex, he jerked his ripcord. The parachute popped out of his rig, then gently fell into a pile on the cloud beside him. He watched as cloud fog calmly swirled around the deflated chute.

Ronny lay there on his stomach, arms outstretched before him, mouth open and eyes wide. His senses told him he’d stopped moving…but his mind, his inner equilibrium told him he had to still be falling.

Had to.

He was (again, looking to his altimeter) still at 15,000 feet, but was, indeed, no longer moving. He should be screaming earthward at 120 miles an hour. Should still hear the howl of the wind in his ears, feel it against his body. Should feel his face contorted by the pummeling airspeed. He flicked his altimeter several times, but nothing changed, and realized that though he was as if lying on his stomach, he was still able to reach beneath himself as if he weren’t. Frantic, Ronny shot his arms beside him, sending more puffs of cloud vapor dancing around him.

He yelled out.

Nervously shot up to a one–knee kneeling position.

Confused, he mentally tried to retrace his actions and mentally reach out to the exterior of the cloud—to what he knew existed out there, outside all of this blinding white that surrounded (and now, somehow, supported) him. His surroundings looked exactly like common ground fog, key word ground. Solidity was now where it should never be. He should still be hurtling earthward by force of gravity, dammit, not suspended in the stuff of dreams and insanity.

Crazy?

He again smacked his gloved hands down beside him, but they still did not pass through the vaporous moisture, hitting soft, enigmatic solidity. More swirls of cloud vapor puffed up around him.

“No–no–no–no–no. This can’t be….”

Ronny shot to both feet—cautiously crouched—hands out before him like a blind man.

Any moment, now, any moment and he would continue on his downward journey.

He glanced warily about him. Felt the sweat, cold and copious, begin to pour out of him like a squeezed sponge.

This was scary.

Jumping out of a plane with a parachute was nothing. His entire body trembled, and he took several furtive steps about his position, circling and staring down at the damned white “surface” he stood upon.

(not falling!)

“Oh, my God….”

Clumsily, he again spun around, got tangled in his deployed chute’s lines and looked to them. They didn’t dangle beneath him, but also appeared held up by whatever buoyed him. He checked his harness. All still good; nothing loose. He felt for his reserve chute; still there, of course, but, why wouldn’t it? The only thing missing from this equation was sanity. He slowly stood fully upright, lowered his arms, and again stomped about in a tight circle. Again, more puffs of vapor but still no falling. He was undeniably stopped dead in mid-air. It was all white, blinding white, and he could actually see the cloud particles drifting about before him. Feel their moisture kissing his face, even beginning to fog up his goggles—which he couldn’t quite bring himself to remove.

Tentatively, he stuck out his feet, one, then the other, and edged his way forward. Where, he had no idea, it was all white. All…eerily solid. Cushiony, but solid. He was expecting Rod Serling to step out before him any moment now, taking a puff on his cigarette as he introduced him to his world and welcome to it, with that sardonic smirk.

“This is stupid…this can’t be happening,” he said. “I have to be falling, have to still be in descent…this–this—it must be hypoxia, that’s all—”

But, he thought, if this is the case, then…then, what if I don’t open my chute? What if I don’t see the ground coming, because it’s one looow cloud…and I won’t break out til 500 feet? The automatic activation device…the AAD’ll open my chute at 1300. I’ll be fine. But what about…what about….

All this.

How could any of this be even remotely possible? Even clouds didn’t go on forever…he simply had to keep walking until he found the end of it, then, what…jump?

But if he found himself where he presently was, what made him think he’d ever find an end to this freaky affair?

Ronny popped the harness’s D–rings to his main chute and released it, then sprinted into an all–out run. He closed his eyes, held his breath—and leapt.

And once again landed hard on his stomach, again knocking the air out of him.

Maybe I’m just too messed up, maybe they were all right and I am crazy—and I’m actually still hurtling toward the ground right this second and just don’t realize it—

Ronny stared into the swirling cloud.

“This can’t be…it’s all got to be a dream, that’s all it is—I’m dreaming again….”

 

Ronny was not much of one to scare easily, but taking off his rig to repack his chute—here—gave him the heebie–jeebies like nobody’s business. He pictured himself still falling out of the sky, hypoxic, and those on the ground observing his flailing body as he tried to remove himself from his rig. It sent shivers all through him, made his palms sweat, and his gut clench. What if—

But, he’d decided, what difference would it make? If he really was crazy and he really was still falling, then he’d never know it, would he? He didn’t know it, now, did he? Well, there you go. And if he wasn’t hurtling earthward and really was…here…then he’d better either repack it or forget about it, and since he was fifteen grand into the air (or somewhere) why not at least go through the motions—even if it all turned out to be some hypoxic mental aberration…or all in the dreamworld.

Ronny took off his rig, lay it on the fluffy white firmament that appeared to be solid, and went about the task of collecting and repacking his chute.

“Ronny?”

The voice came soft and sweet…like it always did.

“What do you want,” he asked, continuing to pack his chute without looking up.

“This really is real, you know. All of it.”

“Yeah, right. I’m just having another dream. A nightmare, and you’re part of it. All in my head. Can’t tell reality from fantasy anymore. Have a history of it, you know.”

He carefully placed the chute back into the pack, avoiding to look the voice in its face.

“But, I’m real, too. And I’m right here.”

Ronny chuckled. “Now, tell me, how can I really believe that? I can’t believe anything anymore. I mean, look at me! I’m putzing around inside a frigging cloud, for chrissakes, my cheeks should be flapping in the breeze!”

“But I’m right here. Look at me. See me.”

Ronny looked up. Saw her. Or at least a shadowy outline of her obscured by the cloud. She came closer.

“This doesn’t mean anything, you know,” Ronny lied. He felt the tears. Always the tears. “I dream of you every night. See you every night.”

“But this is different, honey, this isn’t a dream.”

Ronny chuckled, just about to expel a sarcastic comeback, when he froze as Angela emerged from the cloud vapor to stand directly before him. She was as he always saw her—only better. Ronny came to his feet. He could smell that hint of Red she always wore when she wasn’t going gonzo. And she had that little scar she earned from rock climbing on her left eyebrow, which he never seemed to notice during his dreams. And—by God—her freckles, her cute little freckles were even there, another thing overlooked in his dreams.

Angela took his hand. Squeezed it.

“See, silly, I’m real. I’m really here, not like in your dreams—though, to tell the truth, they did keep me alive. This time this isn’t a dream…it isn’t all in your head—I really am standing before you, and I really am real.”

“How—”

“I can’t explain it, honey, I only know I exist. Here, now. I don’t fight it and neither should you. Just give in to it—us—before whatever did this and put us together takes it away …okay?”

Those pleading eyes, that heart–wrenching voice….

Angela came in closer, bringing him to his feet and took both his hands into hers. She planted the softest, most loving kiss on his lips. He could smell her, dammit, smell her and feel her. And those sensations brought back all the longing and emotion that had been so severely cut off during that—that day….

Angela shook her head, placing a gentle hand to his. “Don’t think about that.”

“But…why?”

“Honey…you know why…please, don’t make me talk about it. It doesn’t matter anymore. You’ve more than made up for it, now.”

“But, why did you have to kill yourself? We could have worked things out…gone back to therapy. If I’d known how badly it affected—”

Angela smiled quietly. “You know yourself better than anyone else. Would that have worked? Honestly? You’ve always philandered. Nothing made you stop—until that day. I was the closest thing that kept you even close to honest—and I cherished every moment of our time together—like I do, now. Please…all that’s over. You’re a new person, now. A better one.”

Ronny collapsed back to his knees, sobbing. Angela knelt down beside him and cradled him in her arms.

“I really don’t know what to tell you, honey. I’m also deeply sorry about what I did. If I had the chance to do things over, I’d do things differently. Two wrongs don’t make a right. But I loved you so much, so damned intensely that I didn’t want to live if I couldn’t have you totally, body and soul.

“Look, we’re here…now…please, let’s not waste this time by rehashing old wounds. I don’t know how else to impress this upon you. Look at me. Love me—now. Let’s no longer waste the time we now have together….”

 

Ronny and Angela walked hand in hand through the swirling cloud bank, Ronny, his rig now packed and slung carelessly over a shoulder.

“So, that’s all you’ve been doing since…?”

Angela nodded, guiltily. “Yes. I’ve been reliving our lives over and over; my death, over and over. Emotionally trying to will things differently. Like you are in your dreams. A couple times I found other threads…probabilities…in which I pulled that ripcord, but they still never turned out to change the past I had already created in that life. But your dreams…your emotion and love…keep pulling me back…to you. Sometimes your emotion is so strong I don’t even know where I am. It…clouds my mind, I guess you could say. And then…one moment—because there is no time where I am—I find myself here. You here.”

Ronny smiled, tears filling his eyes, his face red and hot. He squeezed her hand harder. Felt the warmth of her palms. “Good God, we humans create so many needless problems for ourselves, don’t we? I am so sorry for everything—everything—I’ve ever done. I am so sorry you’ve had to relive all those moments of ours—I don’t ever want to live without you again!”

“But you must. It isn’t your time yet. You have to continue on with your own life, with the past we’ve created, the both of us. When it is your time, I’ll be there, know this!”

“But, what about all this? If we can do this now, might it mean we’re meant to be together? That we can be together, again—forever?”

“But at what price? How long will it last? I feel…something strange…about everything…unfinished. Like I said, sometimes your emotion is so strong, I get confused about whether or not I’m really dead. You’re so strong and you don’t even realize it. But no emotion—none—can ever be maintained forever. Eventually, it tires, exhausts itself out, gets…diverted. Just like life everything dies. Sometimes I feel that maybe—maybe you should let me die—”

Angela choked off and stopped walking. Ronny stopped and turned to her, taking her sobbing form into his arms.

“How can something so real as this—even if so utterly unbelievable—not be true? Not be lasting? I can feel the hotness of your cheek, your tears, smell the sweetness of your breath. I may have been diverted before, but this…this is different. I refuse to believe that this cannot survive the moment. That we can’t make it survive forever. I refuse! I will not lose you again!”

Ronny buried his face into her neck and hair, his gear falling into the mist at their feet. Just before he closed his eyes he had an instant’s surge of panic—that his rig had actually, finally, fallen through the cloud and he was left without it, holding onto his dead wife, three miles into the air with nothing more than his imagination.

But did he really care?

No.

If he couldn’t live with her why live at all? She had enough guts to at least do what she did—why couldn’t he?

He closed his eyes and let go…and all was right with the world. He once more held his loving, precious wife tightly in his arms. Felt their love for each other intertwine in ways he’d never felt before. If he truly had gone off the deep end, then he never wanted to know about it. Never wanted to wake up. Never wanted to leave this cloud—be it in his imagination …or reality.

Ronny sobbed uncontrollably into Angela’s shoulders.

 

“So…what do we do now?” he asked, as they both sat beside each other in the swirling vapors. “Do we know how long we’ve been here?”

“I don’t know, hon. I just know I’m happy to be with you, again. I love you so much. I was so lonely. So angry. Missed you like I’d never, ever missed you before, even though I know there’s this bright light out there waiting for me. I just can’t go to it, yet. I don’t know how long all this lasts, but I never want it to go away. I’d gladly wait an eternity, here, for you.”

“I’d rather die and be with you now then go back.”

Angela smiled.

“What? What’s this?” he asked, as he hit something in the vapor. “Oh, my God—my rig. How’d that get here? I left it way over—well, wherever.”

Angela looked to it. “You knooow…I always used to think you looked quite sexy in your gear.”

“You did?”

“You knew that. I told you all the time.”

Ronny smiled sweetly. “I’m just playing.”

“Hey, why don’t you put it on, again…one more time?”

“I don’t really care to.”

“Oh, come on…just once more. Then you can toss it over the side. Forever. You’ll never need it again, you know, if you stay here. Humor me. Goggles and all.”

“Could we, you know…if I do this?”

Angela, smiled coyly. “May-beee….”

Ronny found all his gear in a pile beside him. Something felt different about reaching for the equipment this time, but he did it anyway—for her.

He did it all for her, now. Everything.

He wished it hadn’t cost her her life for him to learn his lesson. He supposed if she wanted to see him one last time in his jumping rig he could certainly do that. After all, what else did they have to do…where else did they have to go?

Ronny put everything on, Angela assisting, and when he had one glove on, Angela stepped back, soaking in every last bit of him. Ronny, smiling, looked up just as he slid his hand into the last glove—but saw a suddenly sorrowful expression descend upon her face. She reached up a trembling hand to her quivering mouth.

“What is it? Honey? What’s the mat—”

No sooner had he put the glove all the way on than he fell through the cloud—all the air, all his will to live knocked out of him like a sucker punch.

He plummeted away…away…from his wife….

“NOOO….”

I love you, Ronny, forever….

 

Ronny hit quick and hard, landing with the wind at the airport’s dropzone. He (again) popped his D–rings and hurried toward the tarmac. Another plane was queuing up for another round of jumpers and he was going to be on it. The jumpers he’d jumped with were all around him, collecting their chutes, and also making their way toward the tarmac. No time had passed.

He’d landed with the same crew of jumpers with which he’d exited the plane.

Ronny was the furthest out of all of them and broke into a run, gruffly shouldering past those he used to include among his friends. Several heard him mutter about having to “get back up there.” Back to a cloud. To Angela. That’s when everyone tried to stop him, but Ronny wasn’t about to be stopped and swung out at the closest interlopers, knocking several to the ground. Then he all-out sprinted for the revving Beech that was making its turn onto the runway, with its new load of jumpers. Ronny reached the plane, leapt at the opening, and yanked out the jump instructor, who sat just inside the door. Wiping away tears, Ronny commanded the others to also get the hell out, then forced the surprised pilot to continue, his hook knife effectively placed against the woman’s throat. The crowd on the ground could only watch as the aircraft disappeared into the clouds….

* * *

Nothing came out of the sky, after that delivery, except for the Beech and pilot, and when the pilot landed she related the following:

Ronny had apologized for his actions, and said he wasn’t going to hurt her. He just wanted her to take him over to a particular cloud formation, that’s all, and quickly, before it dissipated. He was very specific about which cloud, the pilot added. He also kept mumbling Angela’s name…and how he was coming back so they could be together…forever. The pilot mentioned how she’d noticed that Ronny only wore half his rig—his emergency canopy—while his main chute’s compartment was empty. Once they got to the specific formation—Ronny calmed—appreciably—smiled…then leapt out of the Beech and disappeared into the cloud.

The pilot said his smile was the most peaceful, most serene (and unnerving) thing she’d ever seen on a man’s face.

She then circled around and under the cloud…but never found him.

“Did anyone see him land?” she asked. “Anyone?”

All shook their heads.

“Hey!” someone shouted out on the tarmac. “Come quick—look at this! Hurry!”

The crowd ran toward the field, looking skyward, when they saw it…tumbling, end over end—a parachute rig. No jumper in it…just an empty rig, falling dirtward. It had just appeared, suddenly out from underneath one of the fair–weather cumulus cloud formations that drifted lazily overhead….

Short Story Links

Links to all my posted short stories are here.

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Metaphysical, Short Story, To Be Human, Writing Tagged With: Clouds, death, Falling, Love, Love Stories, Parachutes, Publishing, Short Stories, Sky, Skydiving, Twilight Zone

Short Story Listing

July 11, 2016 by fpdorchak

What Lies Beneath...And Beyond? (Image by Jan C J Jones, Freelancer Ink, © July 1, 2016)
What Lies Beneath…And Beyond? (Image by Jan C J Jones, Freelancer Ink, © July 1, 2016)

Well, here it is, the complete listing of all my short stories and their dates…those already released on this site and those scheduled for release on this site…and their scheduled dates. As they get released I’ll update my Short Stories page, though this page may not be as quickly updated, if at all.

Admittedly, not all of these are short stories…some are poems, and one, “Nightdrive,” is an essay I put out on my Reality Check blog. And these are not every short story I’ve ever written. Just the better of them…and the ones I’ve found. There are many hand-written ones I haven’t gotten to, but those are the ones written during high school and earlier.

When I release my short story collection (scheduled for 2017), I will take only what I consider to be the best of the below-listed stories. My purpose in the free releases on my blog was to show the work in as close to their original form as possible, with only minor editing (though some did required more!), but when I put them into my short story collection I will edit harder…though (as it currently stands) I do not plan on updating them to present-day technology, et cetera. And yes, there are a couple new stories (2016) in this collection as well (“Rewrite” and “Broken Windows”…that latter started in 1997 [four double-spaced pages], but the remaining 19 double-spaced pages were written this year)!

The dates listed below are when they were released on my blog sites and is not their original creation (and copyrighted) dates. For those not-yet-released those are their scheduled release dates…though I may move them around. Short stories should technically be “quoted,” as in “Tail Gunner,” but I’m not gonna do all that; it’ll make it too busy looking, so I left all quotes off.

Feel free to forward or link to or reblog anything of interest, just give proper attribution.

Original copyright creation dates are all listed on the individual story postings.

Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read and comment! These have all been hidden away for far too long (well, some can’t be hidden away long enough, perhaps…), been toiled over for years, in some cases, and it was so much fun revisiting them and giving the best of them renewed life!

  1. Tail Gunner – 11/27/15
  2. The Death of Me – 12/04/15
  3. The World’s Greatest Writer – 12/11/15
  4. The Coming of Light – 12/18/15
  5. Dark Was The Hour – 12/24/15
  6. Tick, Tick, Tick, Tock – 12/31/15
  7. The Ice Gods – 1/1/16
  8. Rainy Nights and Christmas Lights – 1/08/16
  9. Fear – 1/15/16
  10. Spirit of Hope – 1/22/16
  11. The Ballad of fReD BeAn – 1/29/16
  12. Brains – 2/05/16
  13. Saint Vincent – 2/12/16
  14. Entombed…Resurrection…Unbound…. – 2/19/16
  15. Etched in Stone – 2/26/16
  16. Bone Poem – 3/04/16
  17. Clowns – 3/10/16
  18. Garden of the Gods – 3/18/16
  19. The Girl Who Chased Gargoyles – 3/25/16
  20. Snow Paper – 4/01/16
  21. Crypt of Vampyres – 4/06/16
  22. Nightborders – 4/15/16
  23. Red Hands – 4/22/16
  24. The Chain Letter – 4/29/16
  25. Contamination – 5/06/16
  26. A Conversation With Hell – 5/13/16
  27. Nightdrive – 5/18/16
  28. Walkers – 5/20/16
  29. Rewrite – 5/27/16
  30. Blondie’s – 6/03/16
  31. Allergies – 6/10/16
  32. For Whom the God <burp> – 6/17/16
  33. Bloodtales and Flies – 6/24/16
  34. What Dreams Are Made Of – 7/01/16
  35. Drive-Ins – 7/08/16
  36. The Running – 7/15/16
  37. Casa – 7/22/16
  38. Spiders – 7/29/16
  39. Plaything – 8/05/16
  40. Freefallin’ – 8/12/16
  41. The Way We Were – 8/19/16
  42. Jumper – 8/26/16
  43. The Lifter – 9/02/16
  44. Attention Span – 9/09/16
  45. Werewolf – 9/16/16
  46. Seeing Things – 9/23/16
  47. The Interview – 9/30/16
  48. Shelf Life – 10/07/16
  49. Blue Diamond Exit, Mile Marker 15 – 10/14/16
  50. Red Envelope – 10/21/16
  51. Love, What a Way To Go – 10/28/16
  52. The Hallowe’en Tree – 10/31/16
  53. A Sermon Unleashed – 11/04/16
  54. Please Have A Seat, Mr. Jordan – 11/11/16
  55. The Wreck – 11/18/16

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Filed Under: Fun, Leisure, Short Story, To Be Human, Writing Tagged With: Creepy, Essays, fiction, Flash Fiction, Poems, Short Stories, Tales From The Crypt, Tales From The Darkside, The Night Gallery, The Twilight Zone

What Dreams Are Made Of

July 1, 2016 by fpdorchak

Everyone Needs A Vacation Now And Then. (Image by By Deepshikha Sansanwal [CC BY-SA 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)], via Wikimedia Commons)
Everyone Needs A Vacation Now And Then. (Image by By Deepshikha Sansanwal [CC BY-SA 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)], via Wikimedia Commons)
Wow, when I first reread this at the end of June, it just blew me away! I’d forgotten about this story, but once I began reading it—not unlike the character in the story—I began remembering things… creepy, unsettling things. Well, about the story. But not all of it! I was thinking about placing this in November… then, when I finished reading it, I just had to place it sooner.

I love these kinds of stories!

I think you’ll see what I mean once you get into it—and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do! There are several instances in this story that are taken from real life: the scene where the character remembers a childhood moment about getting out in the rain to use a restroom and that talk about lights on the pavement—I still remember that moment as a kid as I was the one doing it…remember the lights sparkling on the late-night/early morning pavement; the talk about Dr Pepper…yup remember that day; the time my dad and us went camping on a small island—also true. I also remember at least one—maybe two?—times we went to a KOA.

And the van. Well, that’s taken from a time when I was a kid returning from swimming at the lake across from our house and a van pulled up before me…”asking for directions.” A guy opened the rear sliding door and leaned out to me in a really creepy mode and I suddenly felt quite uncomfortable. You have to understand that where we lived we got stopped many times during the summer and were asked for directions, mainly from Canadians, but never had I ever felt uncomfortable. This time I did. And there were three guys in the van. Right about then, my dad comes purposefully striding down our crushed-stone driveway with a mattock in one hand. “Can I help you boys with something?” my dad calls out from across the road.

They suddenly forgot their question. Sped off.

Years later I asked my dad about that situation and he said he’d asked his State Trooper buddies and they told him they’d found that van down the road a way, abandoned. That it had been stolen.

This story has never been published.

 

What Dreams Are Made Of

© F. P. Dorchak, 1994

 

Wake up, Harry, time to go!

Words that were more than a distant echo, they were pain. I tossed about, caught in blankets that refused release. It seemed an eternity before I finally broke free. It was so comfortable, the warmth of my bed. So unyielding.

Let’s go, Harry—

The words again. Do I know the speaker? I feel I should. Where am I? What time is it?

Summer. That’s right—summer. The first day of summer vacation. I’m home from my first year at Syracuse. Damn, but how those finals twisted your thinking around, getting you to believe there’s nothing outside of school. Nichts. Professors’d have you believe there’s only English Lit, Physics I (and lab), German for Beginners, and any of a number of other courses you’d rather forget. I’ve got big plans, so I bulked up this year. Twenty-one credits. It nearly killed me.

Where am I?

I open my eyes to find it dark, and feel movement. We’re in a car…but I just thought I was at home—the bed, the blankets—

It’s raining outside, a constant, soaking rain. A comforting sound if you’ve ever just listened to it.

I’m so tired!

The voice stops calling me, but reminds me of a time when I was a kid, about thirteen, I think. My dad and us would all pile into that red station wagon of ours at one in the morning. Our big vacation down into Pennsylvania. Amish country. We’d drive straight through, stopping only for potty breaks. Once we stopped at a gas station early one morning. It was also dark and raining. Dad had stopped and Mom had asked us (there were four of us) if we’d needed to use the rest rooms. My sister and I had, and we’d sprinted through the rain until we made shelter, did our business, then sprinted back. I thought how neat it had looked, lights sprinkled across the damp, rain-pockmarked pavement. The fact that it was maybe three in the morning, and the rest of the world was still snuggled away in bed. It was so peaceful, so mystical.

But now I’m traveling down an unknown road with my dad behind the wheel, and Mom, no doubt (because I haven’t actually gotten around to poking up my head yet), sitting against him, eyes closed; drinking in the steady hum and rock of the station wagon, as was I.

But I need to get my act together.

When did I get here? I remember how we’d talked about taking a trip when I got back from college, all of us, but I also remember something else, just outside the memories. I wasn’t coming straight back after school. I was going somewhere else first…a party. Yes, that’s what it was. There had been this party someone I knew was throwing, or maybe not someone I knew…but there was this party I was to go to. Only then was I going to begin my trip north…hitchhiking…to my home at Dead Bog Lake. Despite its name, a beautiful, deep lake that we lived directly across from, complete with boathouse and lakefront property. Dark waters. My dad’s a Forest Ranger. Mom works as an Administrative Assistant down at Land’s End, a rich folk’s estate. But something doesn’t feel right…isn’t complete…like I’m missing a crucial part to some puzzle.

Have I remembered something wrong?

The car’s slowing. We’re coming to a stop. Potty break. Not for me; I don’t have to go this time.

It’s still raining.

 

We’ve been going for several hours now, and I lift my head. Dad’s driving, his right arm around Mom, who’s fast asleep. He and Mom are all wet, as I notice, I am too. The car pleasantly smells of Borkum Riff pipe tobacco, the only brand my dad used. Smoking’s supposed to be bad for you, but I love that smell, especially that brand. Besides, he’s my dad; he’ll live forever.

“Almost there, Son,” my dad calls back. His voice brings out such deep emotional tones from me. I wonder where the rest of us are: Stephen, John—Lindsey. Is it just me on this trip? I guess they all had other commitments. It’s been a while since I’ve seen my folks—about a year. Christmas vacation I had to spend at an apprenticeship downstate. I didn’t mind—I knew I’d see everybody soon enough, and this was school—my first year, as I’ve already said. My first year as—

(how could I have forgotten?)

The car again slows. Mom’s up. She turns around to look at me, strands of hair matted against her face. She looks as if she’s been crying, but her voice betrays no such emotion. “Hello, dear,” she says, “did you have a good nap?”

“Sure did, Ma,” I say, pleasantly. Her voice also makes me feel warm. I’m happy to be home again. Feels like I haven’t been this warm in a while. After all, don’t know the next time we’ll be together. Like I’ve said before, I’ve got big plans for yours truly….

“Well,” continues Mom, turning back to the front, “we’re here.”

“That’s right,” Dad agrees.

God, I love that tobacco. Cancer or no cancer, it’s a comfortable smell. Brings back warm, cathartic memories: fireplaces, Dad-talks and walks. Fishing. Lord, how it’s so easy to get wrapped up in

(blankets)

studies. School. Fucking finals just throw your life all to hell. But that’s past. We’re on vacation now. Just the three

(where are the others?)

of us.

 

We unload the wagon. Still, it’s raining. Heavily clouded—like we’re going to get squashed between heaven and earth—

It’s a beautiful day.

There’s no one else around. That’s fine, we’re not here to see others. It’s funny that there was only this one old man at the KOA entrance. No one anywhere else. The man had no teeth, it looked like, but a big fat grin. Pulpy face. “Thirty bucks,” he’d grunted. Dad gave him the cash and we found a spot.

“Hey, young man,” my dad shouts out over the top of the car as I reach over to unload, “you sit your butt down. This is your vacation. Let your mother and I do the work. You’ve done quite enough already!”

For some unnerving reason, I don’t quite know how to take that, but okay, I say, and pick out a stump. I almost fall down. My feet are tangled in that damned blanket again. Christ. But the blanket reminds me of the time we went down to Gettysburg, Pee-Aee. We’d stopped along the road one sunny day at a rather large rest area. Mom had pulled out a blanket—probably this very same one—and spread it out over the grass. We sat under a large shade tree. Dad had gone to the soda machine and spent his change getting all six of us sodas.

Dr Pepper. I love Dr Pepper.

Ah, vacations. I wonder how many more I’ll get to go on before I’ve become part of The Working Class. Before—if and when—I ever have a family of my own.

Now there’s a thought.

 

The tent’s all set up and the rain pummels us harder. Dad started a fire that managed to keep itself going despite the downpour, and Mom was busy cooking fish we’d caught after making camp. I love the smell of roasting trout.

“You couldn’t have picked a nicer day, dear,” Mom said, beaming to Dad. Thunder rumbled its throaty growl across a fractured, purple sky.

“Yep, well, I try to get God to bend an ear every now and then.”

They laugh, and Mom curiously eyes Dad. I didn’t for some reason; something still nags at me. It had to do with that party, I think. I’m not really sure, and that bugs me. What went on there? Where was it? Did I even make it? Why is everything so damned hazy? I need to sort things out.

“Mom; Dad; I need to take a walk.”

They both look at me like I’d slashed my wrists or something.

“Honey,” Mom suggests, her voice quivering, “how about we go with you? I mean…how often do we get to see you? You know? You’re away in college; probably take another apprenticeship—who knows?”

I reconsider. She has a point. Anyway, I guess I really wouldn’t mind the company, but I shiver. “Okay.”

Mom and Dad are back to smiles.

“It’s a beautiful evening for a stroll, anyway!” my dad boasts, large drops of water still raging down from an angry sky.

 

We walk. Mom and Dad are in front of me some. I hold back. They’re like lovers rediscovering romance. That’s cool. I don’t have a girlfriend. A couple girls I boinked back in school, but that’s about it. Lookers, too. Well, one was more homely-looking than the others, but, boy, the largest set of knockers. She had this red hair and cute freckles. I met her while working the information booth at the student union. Her name was Anna, and she was also new, looking for some information about movies and stuff. One thing led to another, and we ended up doing the nasty. She had the largest, deepest brown eyes. So understanding and open. God, how I suddenly miss them. I couldn’t loved her. I can’t wait to get back to her. But summer came, and she went to her home in the Catskills and I headed north to the Adirondacks.

North.

To that party.

I’d hitchhiked. Didn’t tell my folks, they wouldn’t have approved. Shit, my dad’s a Forest Ranger, next best thing to a cop up there; a gun, cuffs, and everything. Ranger of the woods. They didn’t always carry ’em, the guns and handcuffs. I can remember when he told me how scary—my word, not his; I don’t remember what he used—it was to him that they were told they had to. Was a big change for The Department. That and all those Coll-edge boys. They’re taking over the place, he complained. Don’t know a damned thing about the woods, but sure are makin policy.

So I get this ride north. Actually more than one, it’s a bit of a ride by the speed limit—which is about all you can do with all those damned troopers out there. They just keep spilling out of the State Police Academy. Thicker’n gnats on a hot summer’s evening, Dad says. Uckers—

That’s when I fall. Now, I mean, following my folks. I tripped over a log I wasn’t paying attention to.

(what’s so important about the log?)

Mom and Dad hear me tumble and turn to me in wide-eyed horror. Rush to my side.

“You okay, Son?” Dad asks, hastily checking me over. Mom’s examining my face, wrists, and ankles. She used to be a nurse.

“You look okay. How do you feel?” she asks.

I start laughing. “I’m fine, Mom! I just wasn’t watching where I was going, that’s all.”

“Well you should know better than that, young man, or there won’t be a next time,” Dad spit. His face was set. Puffed and angered.

“Now, Lloyd, there’s no need to get all out of sorts. It was a simple mistake. You can’t fault him for lack of judgment. He’s young—still learning.”

“Just think what could’ve happened!” he insists.

“But nothing did…here,” Mom said. She brought a hand to his face, trying to calm him down.

“Dad—I’m all right, really. Remember that time I put my hand through that door window—the facial cuts looked worse than they w—”

“These ain’t no facial cuts, dammit.”

“Okay, okay,” I say, “I’ll be more careful next time, all right?” I pick myself up and brush off the mud. After all, it’s still raining, though more of a drizzle now. Mom pulls Dad away. I see the fire in his eyes. Why all the fuss? All I did was trip. Over a

(familiar)

log

Sheesh.

 

We complete our walk and return to our camp. Water has already started to build up around it. It’s late now, so we hit the sack, but I don’t sleep well. I feel this constriction around my neck, but each time I reach to loosen it, there’s nothing there. I lay on my stomach to look out our tent, into the night, and wonder what’s out there. I listen to that pleasant pitter-patter of rain and watch the drops splash in the water about the tent. Don’t touch the sides of the tent, my Dad used to say, it’ll kill the waterproof. I don’t. It’s so quiet. So peaceful. The smell of wet things and rain. I feel at home. How strange, I’ve never been here before—or have I? Doesn’t really matter does it? I mean, vacation is vacation, whether or not you’ve been there before. I like it here. We’re by ourselves.

What more could you ask for?

 

I must have finally dozed off last night, because I’m the last to get up. The rain has let up some, and is now only a misty drizzle, but water is everywhere…like an enormous wading pool. I pushed myself up out of it and exit the tent.

“Good morning, hon!” Mom greets. She’s already getting a start on the day, clad in a swim suit on a reclining lawn chair. She’s holding a sun reflector under her chin. I notice how the water mists on the reflector under her neck and get that eerie feeling again.

“Good morning, Son,” Dad says. He’s cooking up fish and bacon, but it smells funny. The day feels thick and I feel sluggish. Just a little weak. I look down to my feet before I walk any farther and see that damned blanket again wrapped around my ankles. I caught it this time so I don’t fall. Dad ought to like that.

“What would you like to do today, honey?” Mom asks.

“Gee, I really haven’t given it much thought, Mom.”

“Well, you better start giving it some thought, mister, or your vacation’ll be over before you know it. Do you want that?” Dad asks.

Do you really want that?

Suddenly I’m no longer hungry. All I want is a Dr Pepper.

“There’s one in the cooler, dear,” Mom says. I get it. It’s in a bottle. An old, crusty one with dirt encrusted under the cap’s lip.

“I didn’t know they made these in bottles anymore,” I say.

Mom looks up at me, kind of queerly, and says, “oh, they don’t.” She says it just like I should have known better. Sitting down on a large log by the campfire, I

(logs)

watch Dad.

“Be careful not to fall over that thing,” he says severely, looking over a shoulder and shuttling the fire.

“Oh, Lloyd, take it easy on the boy,” Mom counters, and he mumbles something under his breath. Dad’s only toying with the fish now.

“Dad, uh, are you going to eat that?” I ask.

“No, at least I hadn’t planned on it.”

“What’s that with it? Bacon?”

“No.”

“What is it?”

“It’s…it’s seaweed, okay? Kelp.”

(seaweed)

“It adds…flavor…to the fish. It’s something I learned in the Navy.”

Oh, I nod. Some things are better left unasked.

 

After not eating breakfast, we go off for our hike into the rain-soaked woods. Mom and Dad, instead of being close to each other, this time are very much apart. Carrying on a discussion that they tried not to let me in on, but I still catch in pieces.

“…but it’s a vacation, dear,” she whisper’s. “Who cares?” Dad says, “it’s only going to end—then we’ll all have to go back home. Go back to the way things are.” “So?” Mom says, “what’s the difference? What’s done is done. We’ll have next year.” “Sure,” Dad says, but then I lose track of what they’re saying and remember another trip we’d taken. A canoe trip. Just Dad and us kids. Fish Creek I think? We’d canoed out to a small island and set up camp. All the essentials taken care of, we set out swimming around the island. Well, more like snorkeling. Dad was right there in the water with us. It was a dark, sandy shore. Smooth, silky, water.

(feels so familiar)

It felt great. We just drifted. Became one with the water.

(why do I feel so uncomfortable?)

Later in the day we hung out in the tent, and the sky began to howl rain down upon us in sheets. We were situated under trees, but the force of the rain was incredible. It shook our tent, sent little tributaries of water inside the fabric along the seams. Water rushed down on all sides of our little shelter and we got scared. Dad asked us if we wanted to stay. We chickened out. The rain let up and we broke camp and hightailed it back to the truck across rough open water before it again opened up on us.

Rain.

(rain rain go away come again another)

Party.

Water.

I shake with a sudden, tremendous awareness.

I remember my hitchhike now.

I remember two men—and a woman. A van. A ragged, rusty-looking thing that seemed to have weeds or

(kelp)

hanging from it. Had I known it was so ragged looking I wouldn’t have stuck out my thumb, but it was getting dark that day and I was almost home. Hell, I thought, one more try. They’d stopped, and the guy in the back slid open the side door. There was a strange look to his eyes. I felt

(like I do now)

uncomfortable. But I was already there, know what I mean? No turning back. Tough guy…can handle myself. That’s when I hear this female behind him telling him to either let me in or to close the fucking door. I get in. Mistake number one. I smell incense. I’ve always hated the smell of the stuff. She’s in the back, in a dark corner, and when she sees me, comes out. She liked me. Thought I was cute. As we drive, I tell them about this party I’d gone to. They tell me about another.

Where? I ask.

Dead Bog, they tell me.

Really? You from there?

From around there, they say. Wanna come?

I-I don’t know, I stammer. I really should just get home.

You nervous? the girl asks. She’s pretty fine looking under those haggard eyes and ratty hair and clothes. I notice what looks like an old, deteriorated cameo choker of some kind around her throat. Her breasts float out from under her blouse as she leans over to me. I swallow hard. I mean hard. No, I reply.

Well, good, we wouldn’t want that, now, would we? she says.

Just then the guy in the back with us whispers into her ear. She smiles, one of her hands caressing a nipple. I look away. I definitely feel like I got myself into something I shouldn’t have. Hey, I say, you can let me off anywhere you want, you know. I wouldn’t want to be a bother. It’s not much farther, and—

The girl comes over and puts an arm around me. Her body brushes up against mine. We have something we’d really like to show you, she says. At first I swear she’s cold, a friggin damp cold, but that quickly passed as I saw more dark nipple. Her breath smelled of something I couldn’t quite put a finger on, but was, it turned out, alarmingly arousing. Her eyes were dark slits of seduction.

No bother, Harry, they say, we’re your friends. Don’t you like us?

Ah, sure, I say. Sure.

We can be pretty friendly, she says.

Sure.

I want her. There’s something incredibly erotic about the way she moves. Breathes.

Now just relax, and we’ll all have a good time at this party of ours. I’m just going to change, she says. No prob’lem, I say, but before I realize it, she’s stripping down before me, keeping her eyes on me. She lifts a finger to her lips, lips I suddenly feel very much like eating…biting right out of her mouth. I watch as her lips part and she places the finger between them, hooking her lower teeth. I become her finger and feel her lips wrap around me. Watch and feel their moisture as she sucks, closes her eyes. I want her so much it hurts, but remember the guy who’s in back with us. I think back to my family and wonder how I got into this mess. I feel hopelessly distanced from my life. My mom and dad, brothers and sister. None of this feels right. None of it. But I’m aroused, painfully aroused, and need more. She’s naked, now, openly flirting with me. I know the guy’s watching, but I can’t help myself. Her body is smooth and available and I want her in the most evil of ways and I no longer care if he’s there. I need those lips. For real. Those breasts. I want whatever it is she has, and I’ll pay whatever price she demands.

She leans back, knees teasing back and forth, breasts falling comfortably to their places. She stares at me. Begins to run her finger about her body. Inside and outside of places. Her scent is heady. I think of Mom. Would she approve of what I’m about to do? Would Dad take me outside and slap me on the back and say, “Hey, way to go, stud!“?

You sure you don’t want some? the girl teases. She doesn’t have to read my mind. I no longer mind the incense. Before I know it, she’s brushing her finger under my lips. Around them. I shut my eyes, drugged by her touch.

Fuck, I’d kill for her.

Gently she presses her finger between my lips and wedges it in…again forming that hook. I’m so drunk with her I can’t see straight. I grab hold of her and try to force myself upon her, but she holds me back. Slowly, she says, but I don’t want slowly.

I seem to have lost consciousness as my heart pounds up into my throat. I feel like I’m suffocating and suddenly find the girl atop me, her hair flying wildly about her, almost floating. She moans; gyrates. Claws at me. Then she explodes…and I explode with her….

 

I am jolted back to my walk. Dad and Mom are sitting on a stump holding hands and looking at me. Really looking at me. I feel guilty, like they know my thoughts. Had I really done that? Had I really—and do they know?

They get up and walk away. I feel like shit.

God, it’s all coming back to me. Those people. That van. That party; a party I should never have gone to. I stand up shakily. I don’t feel right. I raise a hand to my face and wipe away the water that runs down it. I trace my face and neck and flinch. There’s a painful, ringed area around my throat. I can’t see it, of course, but I do feel it. That girl…raped me. Those people…I was seduced. They—

Aren’t human. Something about them was…is…will always be…wrong.

I looked around for my parents, but they already head back for camp; Dad with his head down, Mom casting me a backward glance. She pulls Dad into her and cradles his head against her.

What’s wrong? I wonder. What did I do?

I sit there for some time before heading back. The rain’s stronger and colder. Like little knives raining down from the sky. The water’s up to my knees now and I schlosh through it. My sneakers are swollen and heavy. Water is everywhere, rising higher. It’s like a shallow lake with bushes and trees sticking out from it. Me. But I need to remember more. That girl…whatever she was…is…continued to attack me—

Or had I attacked her?

Oh, how I was intoxicated with her! Her scent! I could smell her passion like a beast in heat. Even now, when I remember how her body moved, I feel an instant need to have her. Seek her out and take her as no man has ever taken anyone before. I want her—and the pain.

She taunts.

 

Finally we had gotten to Dead Bog Lake, and their party; down through a windy, shaded road. I felt strangely nostalgic as we passed my house, lights on in the kitchen. I saw a shadow at one of the windows and felt sad, like I’d never see them again…yet I had her.

That’s all I really needed.

We drove to the outskirts of town, well, actually a township—a hamlet—until just before the outlet. There’s a strong, fishy smell to the air. We pull into a driveway and there’s all sorts of vehicles, all kinds of people. And all the vehicles look as did the one I came in. Decayed and rusted. Covered in vegetation. As we stop, the others, The Three, as I came to call them, pile out of the van, and I’m left sitting in it alone, staring out into the mass of people, bonfire, and booze. The party feels odd. Smells corrupt. I try to get a good look at some of the people, but it’s difficult. It’s dark now, and the voices seem a jumble. Where is that girl—I don’t even know her name.

How had things gotten so out of control?

I stumble out of the van and lean against it for a moment. I could just keep walking…right on up that road…to home…with the golden kitchen lights and my parents waiting up for me. They think I’m still on the road.

Again the guilt.

Home was so close, yet this woman and her seduction much closer. I hear my name and spot her. She’s waving for me. This isn’t right, isn’t right at all. Things are feeling more and more absurd, more remote as moments pass. I feel a sudden urgency to run—to just get the hell out of there and as quickly as fucking possible. I feel a dark shape stalking me from the shadows. Huge, looming, and thirsty. Burrowing into my deepest, most recessed and cobwebbed of places, and find it difficult to breathe. Thunder cracks out along the darkened sky. Deep, drawn-out rumblings that seem to go on forever.

Mistake number two, I follow after this girl.

She is just as naked as when I last saw her. She moves her hips in wicked, sinful ways further igniting my lust. A man grabs her and they disappear from view. I rage! I must have her, my body screams, and I lunge after her. I will kill that man. I will rip apart his body!

But I’d lost them. My head spins.

I need her. I MUST HAVE HER!

I stumble about. Cannot see clearly. A red haze blinds me and grips my senses. All I can picture is her body, wrapped around that man.

Hear.

Her crazed desire.

I lash out, wanting to give her nothing but pure pain.

Little deaths, I laugh, I’ll give her many.

I push through the crowd, bellowing my passion and anger. I hit shapes that were supposed to be people, but feel funny and soft. Bloated. I didn’t care. I’m insane for her. My name is sung above the rising storm, above the din and clatter of the party, and I follow it down to the lake shore. To where I spot her, indeed wrapped around that man, their bodies rocking in the sand. Her screams are the only sounds I hear. My head splits with jealous furor! I shake with anticipation of tasting blood. His blood. I will slowly rend that man’s flesh from his bones.

When a sudden thought strikes me cold: what would my parents think?

God—what do I care?

But as I continue forward, I begin to slow. My head hangs heavy for my conscience is strong.

What have I become? What in God’s name have I become?

I look up and find her alone. Gyrating like Mata Hari. Teasing. Again. I try to look away, but cannot. I try to walk back to the road, the one behind me and a million miles away. But I…can’t….

Sorry, Mom.

Dad.

 

I shake the memory from my mind. I’m back at camp with my mother and father, aghast of my recollections. I can barely believe them. The water is chest level, now, and Mom and Dad are sitting by the station wagon staring at me. I go to them. Maybe I don’t need to know everything. Maybe I can still enjoy what’s left of our vacation. I mean, how often do we get together? What’s done is done, right?

“Mom; Dad,” I begin, but they just stare at me. I don’t finish what’s on my mind. Something is lost between us. They look worn out and wasted. The water continues to rise; the downpour steady and forceful.

“It’s a good day, isn’t it?” Mom finally says to Dad. Her words are flat. Two-dimensional. Dad merely nods. “Remember more,” he says to me. “Go on.” Then he hands me a plate of whole, raw fish on a bed of kelp.

I scrunch my brow together. “Why?”

“Because you’re going to anyway.”

“What’s happening?”

“Everything. Let’s go inside, dear,” Dad says to Mom, and they disappear beneath the water and enter the tent. I’m left alone.

I remember it all, all right, and I’m angry. They tricked me, just like everyone else at that party. Like they tricked—

 

I want to go home, I tell that devil-woman back at the party.

You’re not going anywhere, she hisses back.

You can’t keep me here, I say, and begin to leave—but she grabs me. I’m spun around, and no longer is she the seductress I knew, but a bloated, distended horror. I can’t even tell if it was a male or female corpse I stared into the empty eye sockets of.

We’re not done with you yet, he/she/it seethes.

I see things crawl beneath her skin. I scream. The others are upon me. I reach up to push them off, but my hands sink into bloated and stinking flesh. I am forced to the wet, muddy ground. Hands are all over me, tearing off my clothes…she—it—straddles atop me. I want to die. Please, God, just die.

What’s the matter, she gurgles, you no longer want to kill for me?

I freeze. She brings her lips down to mine—I cannot take this! Kill me! KILL me! What are you?

They laugh. We cannot tell you, they say, laughing, but we’d really like to show you—

Out from behind my vision, a large water-soaked log is dragged. A noose is fastened around my neck and attached to the log.

We can’t wait to have you in our little family—

 

I no longer want to think. I sit at the camp, the water now over my head. I’m still holding the plate of fish Dad gave me. I no longer fear the water, for now I know it’s coming back to claim me. Mom and Dad are out of the tent, plowing through the water like nothing’s going on.

“Hello, dear,” Mom says. “Would you like some dessert? Fish?”

I jump to my feet and toss away the plate in anger. My mother looks to me, saddened.

“Well, I guess that’s it, then,” she says, and she sighs and goes back to my father, who seems to be crying, but I can’t tell because of all the water. We’re a part of it now.

I feel heavy.

I try to go after my parents as they return to the van, but find I can’t. There’s a log tied to my neck. It’s heavy and I have many rope burns. I try to loosen it, but it’s impossible. All I can do is watch as my parents pack up and leave.

Didn’t we arrive in a station wagon?

I sit back down, log lashed to my throat, and watch them disappear into the murky, underwater distance. Then I see others. Three others. I grow cold. Shiver. I know them. As they get closer, they beckon. They are The Three. Reclaiming me. I get up to follow them and find I am not at the campground, but Dead Bog Lake. To where I’ve always been. It was a dream. All of it. A vacation from the bottom of its dark and cursed waters. I awaken to my place among the fish and the seaweed. Where my feet are eternally tangled.

(no blanket)

Where the log keeps me.

(no more tripping and falling)

Where my old, dirt-filled Dr Pepper bottle lies directly before my own dead and glassy eyes.

(no more coolers)

And now I know things. About this lake. About my new family and my new life. The girl and the guy in the back of the van drowned in 1807. A canoeing accident. The driver of the van drowned in 1973. Drunk, he’d driven off an embankment into the lake. And the old man at the KOA? He’d killed someone back in ’51. Robbed a man for thirty bucks, only to be tracked down and killed by the kin, then thrown into the dark, slippery waters. The party was bait, as were The Three. As I will be so used. Bait for the lake to reel in more. Set its hooks. A lake with a dark, unspeakable hunger.

And once the taste of meat is acquired, it’s a hard thing to shake.

 

Short Story Links

Links to all my posted short stories are here.

 

Filed Under: Leisure, Metaphysical, Short Story, Spooky, To Be Human, Writing Tagged With: Adirondacks, Camping, Creepy Vans, Dead Bog Lake, Fish Creek, KOA, Lakes, Short Stories, Tales From The Crypt, Tales From The Darkside, The Night Gallery, upstate New York, Water, Weird Fiction

Bloodtales and Flies

June 24, 2016 by fpdorchak

We Got Us A Bleeder! (Image by By Crystal [Crystl] from Bloomington, USA [Flickr] CC BY 2.0, http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0, via Wikimedia Commons)
We Got Us A Bleeder! (Image by By Crystal [Crystl] from Bloomington, USA [Flickr] CC BY 2.0, http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0, via Wikimedia Commons)
This hideous and disturbing little tale from the mind of a twenty-six-year-old will surely disgust.

So, why post it?

Because it definitely shows the weird lengths to which my stories ideas ran their gamut. It is a decent story, as the horror genre goes.

And it’s just plain weird—

I mean, why and how would something like this happen?

And that final scene?

A roommate named “Rino“?

There’s probably a reason why this one was never published, but I just couldn’t put it away once I read it. I had to clean it up. Work on it a little. It, too, was one of my earliest works. No “metaphysics” here—just straight “horror,” all the way!

And at the end of it is what is today termed “flash” fiction. It’s called “Flies.” It’s not much, but it was attached, so I included it. I experimented in writing as short of a story as possible before it became in vogue to do so; or at least that I was aware of. “Flies” was inspired by my dad. One summer when I was a kid, my dad, a Forest Ranger, had been putting up his “Forest Ranger” sign in front of the house. We were all in the kitchen…and in bursts my dad, rushing toward the sink. He gulped down several chugs of water. You’ll understand after you read it.

So, sit back and hold on…and have that barf bag ready….

These stories have never been published.

 

Bloodtales

© F. P. Dorchak, 1987

“Fuck.” Jerry’s hand went up to his neck, a meniscus of blood forming at the wound. “Shit,” he hissed, putting the electric razor down and reaching into the cabinet for the straight-edge. “I thought electric razors weren’t supposed to draw blood.”

“That depends,” said his roommate. passing by the bathroom where Jerry was shaving.

“Depends on what?” Jerry asked, fumbling with a piece of toilet paper on the cut while trying to remove the straight-edge from with the cabinet.

“That depends on how big your zits are, whether or not you have ingrowns, and how soft your baby-skin is. In your case—”

“Don’t even say it.” Jerry used the razor blade to clean up what the electric razor didn’t get. “Fuck—” Jerry said, throwing the razor blade back into the cabinet, his blood now on both instruments.

“Oh what’s the matter, roomy? Pubie’s get caught?”

“Oh fuck you, too. Damn, I just can’t win this morning. First I cut myself shaving with an electric razor, then again with a blade!” He got out the Stypstik, cursing again when the blood mixed with its astringent.

“Will you get out of there before you kill yourself already!” Rino shouted, his face buried in a bowl of corn flakes. Jerry emerged, half a roll of toilet paper wrapped around his neck. Rino burst out laughing, sending a flurry of milk and cereal across the room, and up his nose.

“Get out! You look like ‘It came from the Mummy’s Toilet’ or something.” Rino wiped breakfast from his face with an arm and swept corn flakes off the table and onto the floor, as he looked at his ailing roommate. “God you look ridiculous.”

 

Jerry was ten minutes late for classes. He hated walking in late, everyone’s attention focused in on you. If you had your fly open, they’d see it. If you had some snot hanging from your nose they’d see it. If anything stood out, it automatically became glaring even if it was nothing more than a tiny zit. You were in the spot-light and that’s all that mattered.

So in Jerry walked, tail between his legs.

A Band-Aid announced its presence from the side of his neck by imaginary three-D arrows floating around, pointing to it.

Jerry sat at his seat, his face turning pretty colors.

“Pssst, Jerry, who gave you the hickey, man?” a classmate whispered. Jerry ignored him.

“C’mon Jerry, who did it?” the voice snickered to classmates.

Jerry turned around to the guy, hissing a little louder than he would have liked too.

“No one gave me a damned hickey—”

“Is there something a matter back there?” Mr. Armstead paused in his lecture and looked to Jerry’s direction. Everyone went quiet, except for some snickers and smiles.

“No, nothing a matter,” Jerry said.

“Good then I suggest we continue. And please try not to be late anymore Mr. Hollier. Oh, and Mr. Hollier?”

Jerry looked up.

“Yes?”

“Please do have that hickey looked at, will you?”

The class lost it.

 

After lunch in the university cafeteria, Jerry picked up his books, am made for his next class. As he walked through the entrance, a long-haired brunette wearing a tight skirt wiggled past. He followed her with his eyes…as someone entering behind her and ran into him, knocking him into the door jamb. He slammed his hand between his body and the entryway. It stung.

It bled.

“Thanks pal,” Jerry muttered, sucking at the red as he tried to again find the hot chick.

 

Jerry plopped down in the chair, switched the TV on. “Wonder what’s good on tonight,” he muttered to himself, going through the newspaper’s television guide. His roommate slammed the door Shakespearianly as he made his entrance.

“And have we done our homework before the telly?” Rino asked, standing before the box. He hit the power, turning the TV off.

“Get away you dork,” Jerry said, getting up. He shoved Rino away and turning the TV back on.

“Ok, but don’t blame me if your mind turns to mush and you don’t make it out of here with a solid education.” Looking to the ceiling Rino cried, “His destiny is out of my hands Lord, I tried my best. All I ask is that ye be gentle on him—”

A magazine flew through the air and hit Rino in the face. Rino caught it as it dropped into his hands.

Jerry ran through the stations, finding nothing of interest. It was about one in the morning and he felt like watching something. Grabbing the TV listing once more, he thought he might find something in there he might have skipped all the other twenty times he scanned it. Human optimism.

Yes…he found something…and it was just beginning: “The City that Dripped Blood.” He’d never heard it, but was in the mood for a grade-‘B’ flick. Stretching, his shaving wound from early in the day reminded him it was still there.

“Shit,” he said, reaching for it, “don’t tell me you haven’t healed yet!” Jerry felt around the wound, looked to his hand.

There was fresh blood on it.

“Fuck.”

He got up, headed to the bathroom, but stopped when the program started. Hans Geblutblase starred. It was definitely a foreign job. Settling down, he took another sip from his Coke.

Blood trickled down his neck.

 

At the gym the next day, Jerry was working triceps extensions on a pull-down machine, driving out the last few reps, when the bar slipped from his grip, smacking into his nose. Stinging, he staggered back, several people coming to his aid.

“I’m alright—I’m alright,” Jerry said, waving them off.

“You sure, man?” somebody asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine, really—it’s just a little nose-bleed.” The person on duty at the desk examined him.

“Yeah, he’s ok. How’s your head?”

“Fine.”

“Ok, we all love squeezing out those last few, just try to be a little more careful next time,” the Desk Guy said.

“Don’t worry,” Jerry said, the crowd disbursing. Jerry wiped some of the red away, looked at the bar. He felt more than a little embarrassed and slightly enraged. Deep inside he felt an ire raising. Feeling hot, blood still trickling down his face, he grabbed the swinging bar, yanked the pin out from the weight stack and rammed it down a few more extra pounds, increasing the weight. Growling, he forced out another set, pissed at the interruption of his set. The person who had just inspected him turned upon hearing the noise, and shook his head.

Jerry glanced at himself in the mirror.

He looked mean.

 

The past few days had taken a toll on Jerry’s body, but the odd thing about it was that he didn’t seem to care. He’d collected various and sundry cuts, scrapes, and bruises…and in some cases had not bothered to even cover up some of the bleeders. His roommate was growing somewhat suspicious of his newly aberrant proclivities.

“Um, Jer,” Rino said, approaching Jerry as he was cutting up some cheese for a sandwich.

“Yeah?” Jerry said, intent upon his undertaking with the knife.

“You feeling ok? I mean, lately you’ve been acting a little queer.”

Rino eyed how he handled the serrated blade. From a distance.

“I feel just fine, dude, why?”

“I don’t know. Just trying to keep an eye on my roomy, is all. I’m a little concerned.”

“Well, I am touched Rino—really I am. But Ize just fine!”

Jerry rammed the knife into the cutting board.

Rino jumped.

“Relax!” Jerry said.

Rino shook his head as he backed out, leaving for class.

Jerry returned to the knife and yanked it from the board. He brought it up to the light and admired the glean. Bringing it back down, he fingered the edge of the blade, taunting it’s serrations and blade tip.

The blade then (seemingly) leapt for the soft pink flesh of his hand.

Jerry separated the two in reflex, still holding onto the blade.

That hurt.

But…it also felt…good….

Surprised at how it felt, he put the blade down and took a step back.

He looked to the knife.

That was his blood on the end of that blade.

His sandwich sat nearby. Crumbs were all over the counter. The hacked block of hard cheddar lying uncovered and inculpable.

Slowly, he reapproached the blade.

As if in slow motion, he reached down…his fingers folding around the brown handle. He twisted the blade as he picked it up. His cut finger twinged, but didn’t bother him the way he thought it should. Incredulous, he brought the two together once again.

They greeted like years-apart old friends.

Gossiped a mile a minute.

‘Hey’d you hear about the new Ekco line?‘ the Blade asked.

‘No, haven’t,‘ Finger replied, ‘Is it any better?‘

‘Sure is!‘ enthusiastically replied Knife.

‘I can hardly wait!‘ panted the finger, all excited and hot, ‘I want you so bad….’

 

Jerry didn’t know what was becoming of him.

He’d been looking for cuts and scrapes.

Was actually enjoying them.

Like the time he sliced up his finger while making that sandwich. And he didn’t go to the clinic, but just put a Band-Aid on it…only gruffly tear it off periodically throughout the day to see that it was still bleeding. There were times it had actually stopped, and he’d take a pin to it…or scraped off the scab. It felt so good!

Like having sex.

Now there was something he hadn’t had in a while. God, when was the last time? Hmm.

He’d have some new tricks to show the next lucky lady, that’s for sure.

 

When Jerry went out for his run, he hoped he’d take a decent fall or something. In fact, he knew a certain hill that could really tear off some skin.

And it was hot outside.

The hotter the better—make the blood flow even better!

Damn, what was happening to him? He was actually looking for ways to draw blood.

As he ran, he mulled it over…was this what masochists feel?

Who cares! To each their own!

He was coming up to the hill in question, his heart pounding, the anticipation almost too much to bear. He took off his shirt and threw it aside. Sweat pouring off his body, he slowed a bit. He reached down to the road’s shoulder and scooped up some gravel, then rubbed it on his body. A driver passed by and gave him a curious look.

Jerry picked up his pace, a bulge forming in his shorts. He was coming upon the exact spot he’d been thinking of all day—and he saw there was a broken bottle there!

This is going to be great….

 

Rino walked toward the apartment building.

It had been a long day, it was late, and he was so damned apprehensive at coming home anymore. He didn’t know what the hell was the matter with Jerry, but the boy was sick, all joking around aside. He’d tried to keep things light, but things were now getting disturbing.

Really? Collecting blood drippings in a glass in the fridge?

Drinking it?

All he knew was that he used to be a great guy, and now he was turning into some sort of pervert with a blood fetish.

Shit, what was going to be the big surprise now?

Approaching the building, he noticed a light was on, though dim.

And the door was unlocked.

Rino entered cautiously…something wasn’t right…and there was an odd smell that stung his nostrils. His skin crawled with uncomfortable electricity.

He closed the door behind him.

“Jerry?”, he called out in a hushed manner, actually hoping he didn’t answer….

Only a candle was lit in Jerry’s bedroom. Rino cautiously made his way toward the room. His hairs pricked up.

He didn’t like this. Butterflies formed in the pit of his stomach.

There were dark stains on the floor between both their bedrooms.

And somebody was in Jerry’s bed.

“Jerry?” Rino called out in the same hushed voice.

Still no answer.

He went to the light switch on the wall, flipping it on—and gagged.

Repeatedly.

Laying in the bed, and totally drenched in crimson lay the body of a woman.

From the clothes lying on the floor, it didn’t look like she was a lady of distinction, but one of the streets. Those were his only clues, because the body was so mutilated he couldn’t make out anything more.

The walls.

The ceiling.

He grabbed the door frame, barely able to stay upright as he continued to gag.

“Rino? Rino, is that you?” came the voice from his bedroom.

“Oh god,” was all Rino could say.

“I’m in your room! Come on over, Rino, I’ve got something I really want to show you!”

The enthusiasm of Jerry’s voice sent further ripples of nausea through him.

“Did you do that? Did you kill that woman?”

Rino stumbled towards his bedroom.

“Yeah! Isn’t it something? I tell you Rino, when you get the scent of it in your veins, you’ll love it! Hurry up, I want to show you! Really, you’ll never get enough of it! C’mon roomy!”

Rino entered his bedroom, no lights on, but he could see his roommate’s shadow low and across the room, in a corner.

“Oh roomy, you’re going to love this!”

Rino could barely hold himself upright. The smell of blood was incredibly strong.

“Go on, Rino, turn on the light…turn it on—I dare ya’!” Jerry was laughing to himself, but there was a distantly gurgling sound to his voice, like something was filling his lungs. “C’mon! Hurry!” Impatience…more gurgling….

Steadying himself, Rino flipped on the light switch. Eyes adjusting to the light, Rino finally lost it and heaved up the tuna salad from earlier across the room.

And collapsed.

In the blood spattered corner, gurgling merrily to itself, was a puddle of flayed flesh and bone that was once human. There was little to distinguish its human form anymore. Little meat was left on the body, it covered from head to toe with dark, supernaturally flowing blood and gore that danced about his body, making little swirling movements over his once solid frame, much like the movements of the gases on the surface of the sun, what-was-left-of-Jerry had recollected from a class long ago.

Slapping it’s arms up and down like a child playing in bath water, the thing-that-was-Jerry gurgled and laughed hideously…

“You’re going to love it, you’re simply going to love it...”

 

Flies

© F. P. Dorchak, 1987

“Goddamn flies!” Terry said, coughing and wiping their little black corpses from his legs and arms. He’d just finished a few circuits around the park on his bike, and there were gnats galore. They were everywhere. You were hard-pressed to even yawn without inhaling the little buggers. He knew, because he’d tried.

 

Short Story Links

Links to all my posted short stories are here.

 

Filed Under: Leisure, Short Story, Spooky, To Be Human, Writing Tagged With: Apartments, Blood, Bugs, College, Gnats, Short Stories

Blondie's

June 3, 2016 by fpdorchak

Road To Nowhere. (Image by Kate Jewell [CC BY-SA 2.0 {http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0}], via Wikimedia Commons)
Road To Nowhere. (Image by Kate Jewell [CC BY-SA 2.0 {http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0}], via Wikimedia Commons)
This story originated from a situation when my then-girlfriend and I had to take shelter from a heinous and torrential downpour back in the summer of 1984.

Brenda and I had been driving back in separate cars to North Dakota in the middle of the night after having visited her parents in Iowa. It was probably the worst rain storm I had ever been in, and we simply could not see the road. She was ahead of me and had pulled off on some back road. We found shelter at a really cool deserted gas station with a covering and waited out the storm.

And there was this old-time black-and-white photo I remembered looking at long after all this…and in it was a woman looking to the photographer. Her look…her emotional intensity…was startling…riveting…fascinated me.

From out of these two experiences came this story.

This story was originally published in Black Sheep #40, the February-March 2002 issue.

 

Blondie’s

© F. P. Dorchak, 1995

 

Rain crashed down in severe, impenetrable sheets as if the anger of the gods were being visited upon me. It was deafening, thunderous. I punched through it, tears blinding me. A midsummer night’s dream, I mused. Some dream, indeed. It’d been some time since I’d last been through Iowa, a lifetime ago, for all practical purposes, but all I know is that whatever I did, whomever I was with, it all paled in comparison to her. I’ve never met anyone like her—before or since—and though we barely talked, had never really even held each other, I never stopped thinking about her.

This, of course, didn’t sit well with my girlfriend at the time, but, as I said, that was a long time ago….

Maybe the gods aren’t angry…just sad. Like me.

I remember that midsummer’s trip as if it were yesterday. I was with Grace. We’d been making a marathon drive back from her parents’ home and it had been raining hard then, too. We’d taken two cars, because I’d met her directly from a business trip and we were driving back to North Dakota. It was somewhere between midnight and three in the morning when the rain slammed down so hard we could barely see, and since Grace was in the lead I followed her as she pulled off onto some obscure back road that wasn’t on any map. We pulled off and found shelter beneath an overhang to an ancient gas station. We sat there for some time—I had gotten out of my car and gone to hers. It could have been a beautiful setting…could have been quite romantic…if it hadn’t been for our fight just before leaving her folks. We’d been dating for about two years then and Grace had brought up the idea of marriage, but not just marriage—marriage and children.

Why do people always feel the need to bring more souls into the world?

I may be a bit unconventional—or unreasonable—but I feel that there are quite enough bodies already populating the planet, thank you. Anyway, don’t get me wrong, I loved her…then. I wasn’t so averse to taking her as my wife as I was against having kids. I was young, still a bit wild, and had no intention of being tied down to a family let alone children. Anyway, we’d left her folks under somewhat strained circumstances. She’d even snapped at me that maybe it was a sign we drove in separate vehicles. Things weren’t going well and let’s just say they didn’t get any better.

So, I’m in her car, the downpour still mercilessly pounding the countryside, and we just sat there. The sound of the rain was curiously soothing for all its furor, even hypnotic. The night hung thickly over us like a heavy blanket—and the fact that it was three in the morning was even better. Have you ever been awake at that hour? I mean, really awake and experienced the fact that others—most really—were still tucked away snugly in their beds, dreaming? It’s quite cozy, like living film noir. At any rate, Grace broke the silence first. She wanted to know what I wanted out of life. I told her I didn’t know that I was just busy living it. Well, didn’t I want to live it with someone? Of course I did, I told her, it’s much more fulfilling and enjoyable when you can share things with one you love. Don’t you love me? she asked, of course I do, then why won’t you marry me—it’s not about marrying you, Grace, it’s about the kids part, the kids’ part? what does that have to do with anything—everything, dammit, I can’t explain it, but it’s scary and there’s too many people in the world and why are you trying to pressure me I thought we’d been through all this already….

It wasn’t long after that that Grace burst out of the car and into the downpour. I went after her, of course, to find her standing and sobbing out in the middle of the muddy road we’d just come on down. I tried to hold her, but she wouldn’t have it. I felt my life ripped apart—after all, I loved her—I didn’t want her to go, but something wasn’t allowing me to accept her proposal. Then I looked to her and saw she was staring at the building we’d parked alongside. It was kind of funny, because I, too, got caught up in whatever was going on at that moment. We were parked between some of those old-time gas pumps and the building. Slowly, Grace began to walk away from me. Again I followed. Totally ignoring our vehicles we went to the building. Above the awning, or roof, we’d parked under, was a sign we could barely make out through the downpour: “Blondie’s” it said. Instantly intrigued, we forgot about our problems. Grace got to the door first. She reached out for the screen-door handle and pulled, then worked the inner doorknob, which opened into a darkened interior. A dry, darkened interior. We both just walked on in….

 

It was the strangest experience I’ve ever had. There was an immediate calmness that befell us—and a deep, emotionally powerful…something. I don’t know what it was, I just know that I immediately felt like crying. I looked to Grace, but she was already looking at me. I couldn’t tell if those were tears in her eyes or remnants of the storm.

We just stood there, looking at each other.

This time it was my turn to make the first move. I flipped on a light switch. Partial lights flickered on. I broke away from Grace and began to take in the place. It was an old-time gas station-restaurant, like in those old forties movies I love so much. Even had that musty, nostalgic, smell and creaking floorboards. I immediately fell in love with the place. But where was everyone? Sleeping? Then why was the door left unlocked? I mean, back-country Iowa or not, most businesses I knew didn’t leave doors unlocked overnight.

“I’m gonna look for a bathroom,” Grace mumbled and went off in search of one.

I walked about the room, listening to the rain not only pounding the building, but my soul…and found myself falling deeper and unaccountably deeper in love with the place. It really was quite quaint and I immediately wished we’d found this under different circumstances. Grace was in the rest room for some time, so I sat down at a table in one corner of the room where I felt particularly drawn to. There were old, polished-but-quite-worn-out wooden tables, two of them…a Wurlitzer…display cabinets that were now empty, but could have at one time or another been home to candy, pies—whatever—but, what really piqued my interest was an old calendar tacked up on the adjacent wall. It was dated 1944—I remember that—and there was this picture of a woman on it, but over her picture was tacked an old black-and-white photograph. “Vargas Girl” had been scratched out beneath the calendar’s picture, and beneath that was scrawled “Blondie.” I smiled. Someone else was in love…at one point, anyway. Someone had stood where I now sat and had put up their wife’s or girlfriend’s picture over this Vargas Girl. I reached up and removed the black and white and looked at it. Though a bit faded, I was instantly shocked by the emotional intensity of this woman. She was quite attractive, and was staring out across the boundaries of time…at me…pleading. She wanted something, but what? The longer I stared, the more I wanted to kiss her, to hold her. She seemed lonely…desperate. I placed the photograph on the table before me and folded my hands beneath my chin. I couldn’t pull my eyes away from her and just…stared. Into her eyes. Large and dark. I wanted to feel what she was feeling at the time of this picture, feel her thoughts, her lips, her—

“What are you looking at?”

Grace had returned and to my utter amazement I had all but forgotten about her. Embarrassed, I pushed away the picture.

“Who’s this?” Grace asked, picking it up. “She’s pretty.” She put the photograph back on the table. “Did you find anyone?”

“No. It seems a bit weird, but I think whoever owns this joint forgot to lock up. Lucky us.”

“Yeah,” was all she said, turning away.

Grace walked off toward the checkout counter, but I remained seated. I couldn’t take my eyes away from the beautiful face in this picture.

What had this woman’s life turned out like?

Had she fought with her boyfriend? Her husband? Have children? I was caressing the edges of the picture when Grace called out to me.

“Nolan, could you come over here, please?”

Reluctantly, I got up and did as requested. “What?”

“What should we do? It’s still pouring outside, I’m cold, I’m hungry. No one’s around—”

“—well, that’s not exactly so,” came a voice from behind us. Both of us turned to find a woman standing in a bathrobe, arms crossed, at the entrance Grace had used for the rest room. “You’re welcome to wait out the storm, here, if you’d like.”

Grace and I looked to each other for a long moment. “Y-your door was open, and—” I began, when the woman again interrupted.

“Some of us tend to get complacent out here, especially us few remaining optimists. The offer still stands. I’ve got coffee brewing in the back.”

Just then we smelled the rich, elevating aroma.

“I hope we didn’t wake you,” Grace added.

“Oh, no, it wasn’t your fault. I haven’t slept…well …in a long time…and when you used the bathroom the pipes…they have a life of their own, if you know what I mean. Why don’t you both have a seat—or stand, as you prefer, I know you’ve probably been on the road all night.”

The woman disappeared into the rear.

“Guess she lives here,” I said, as I directed Grace back to the table.

“There’s something weird about her,” Grace said, sitting.

“I know, I felt it, too.” Once again I reached for the photograph.

“She’s very pretty, isn’t she, the woman in the picture?”

Startled, I hesitated in my answer. I felt embarrassed, like I’d been caught in an affair. “Y-yes, she is. I keep wondering what her life must have been like—”

“Hard.”

Two cups of coffee were place before us.

“She was my grandmother,” our mysterious woman said, continuing, “She and her husband started this place.”

“Is that who tacked this up there?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said, looking to the calendar, “it’s remained up there all these years—until you took it down.”

“Oh—I’m-I’m so sorry—” I said.

“That’s okay,” she said, smiling warmly, which actually kind of unnerved me, “you didn’t know. Sometimes change is good, you know? Do you mind if I sit with you?”

“No, go right ahead, I mean, we barged in on you,” Grace said.

I looked to our coffee and found they each already contained the cream and sugar we both took in them.

“Thank you for the coffee,” I said.

The woman smiled.

 

It almost seemed like another me, then. Another life. As I now try to navigate through this downpour I recalled all the other times I’d been through here between Cedar Rapids and Grand Forks. I’ve been through countless rain storms, always searching for that one, unmapped road, and never have I found it. But I feel closer each time I come out in search of it…feel irresistibly drawn to it, like metal to a magnet. I’ve tried to explain this feeling over the years, but eventually just gave up. I tried to explain all my failed relationships and lonely nights…my failed employments…but in the end gave up, merely trying to cope. A pipe dream. That’s all it was. A futile attempt to keep my life going in spite of all the failures I’d created: never staying at one job long enough to get on a first name basis; never staying in relationships long enough to consider marriage—and always wondering how Grace’s life turned out. Always wondering if maybe, maybe I should have taken her offer….

 

But that magical night remained with me forever.

As that woman sat at the table with us, I felt something about her reach out to me—like her grandmother’s photograph. Once or twice under the table, I felt her leg brush against mine. I said nothing, thinking it just one of those unseen beneath-the-table moments, but I felt her touch on several occasions, and soon became extremely uncomfortable—not because of the contact, but because I wanted the contact—and found myself irresistibly attracted to her. This went beyond any purely physical attraction, because—and don’t get me wrong, she was beautiful—but it went deeper. Like we knew each other on some level I couldn’t explain—and didn’t necessarily want to. I was enjoying this mysterious bond, but was also hoping Grace wasn’t picking up on it. But within a short while, I found myself doing the unconscionable: I found myself trying to touch this woman as I sat before my girlfriend. I’d place a foot just so, a leg or hand in a certain position.

I couldn’t believe what I was doing!

And all along this woman showed no hint of our hidden interplay, carrying on a perfectly normal conversation with my girlfriend and me. Then it happened. After all the coffee this woman had been serving us, Grace got up to again use the rest room. As soon as Grace had disappeared into the dark, the woman turned to me. She never said a word, but my excitement grew. I shook with anticipation…and, yes, embarrassment.

She smiled. Gently took my hand.

Oh, her warm, soft skin…the feeling as we finally held hands out in the open was indescribable!

Gently and lovingly, she caressed my skin. I felt as if I’d known her forever. I pictured us making love—not a mere fling, but feral, passionate love.

I took in everything about her…her expressive yet not overly full lips…the wisps of loose hair about her quietly beautiful face…the depth and loving of her intense scrutiny. The softness of her touch…and of how profoundly her touch moved me.

I don’t know how long we carried on like this, but gradually my uncomfortableness gave way to pure, uninhibited adoration. She lifted my hand to her beautiful lips and kissed and nipped at my fingertips; turned my hand over and kissed my wrist.

I nearly died!

I squeezed her hand…took it within both of mine and kissed hers…realizing that at any moment Grace would return. I tingled with bizarre excitement and reached for her face—what was I doing? We came in closer. I could feel her warm, moist breath upon my skin. She parted her lips to meet mine…her eyes hypnotic and yearning. I closed my eyes…

And our lips touched.

It was electric, like a spiritually arching jolt. We both locked in this unbelievably metaphysical kiss that lasted an eternity—when she broke away. I heard Grace’s approach and hurriedly wiped my mouth, but the woman didn’t. Again, she smiled.

“Miss—oh, I guess we never got your name—the light burned out in the bathroom—”

“I’m sorry—I’ll fix it immediately—”

“Oh, don’t bother now, it’s no big deal, it was only the dark, you know. I don’t think I’ll have to use it again, anyway. We should probably get going,” Grace said, as she turned to look out the windows.

I suddenly realized that the rain had let up enough that it no longer battered the building like boulders. I looked to the woman beside me, who was already looking at me with searching, painful eyes…eyes that literally scared me, because I felt I’d seen them before. Her face had somehow changed as well…into a deeply terrifying way I couldn’t explain. It was like she was beginning to emaciate…but it was an emaciation I found I was very much attracted to—

“Nolan—what are you doing?” came Grace’s sudden, fierce outcry.

Immediately terrified, I looked to her.

“Just what the hell do you think you’re doing?”

To my utter astonishment, I looked to the tabletop—and found myself clutching this mysterious woman’s hands.

My blood chilled and I shot to my feet, quickly yanking back my hands.

Grace stared at the both of us. She said not one word, but inside I knew every thought that raced through her mind: is this what he’d been doing while I was away—how could this be?, we’d never even met her before…maybe marriage wasn’t such a good idea….

Still without a word, Grace turned. The look of hurt that had been on her face tore my soul from my breast. As I reached out for her, Grace never turned around, but thrust an upraised hand before me like a pissed-off traffic cop. I was stopped by the force of her silent command and stared back. Grace quietly opened the door and went out into the night. I again made a move toward her when the woman grabbed me.

“Please…,” she begged.

Images flew through my mind…us living happily together…us again making love—but they were more than mere images…they were as if I had actually lived them for one long, luxurious, moment.

I took the woman’s hand into my own and gave her my own pleading look. I didn’t want to leave her and I couldn’t explain it.

What the hell was going on here? How could I do such a thing in front of my girlfriend—a woman I could have married? How could I feel such emotion for a woman I’d never before met?

Grace started her car. Gunned the engine.

“I…have to go—I don’t know you. Don’t you see? I don’t know you, yet want to stay with you. Can you understand me? I can’t. I have to go…with her.”

I broke free, and rushed from the building, out into the storm.

Once outside, Grace had already left…her taillights disappearing into the darkness and rain. Quickly, I got into my car, brought it to life, and left the pumps. As I spun out into the rain and mud, I looked into my rearview and froze. The building that we had taken refuge in had melted from sight. I’m not saying that the rain had again become so thick that only yards from it it had been made to appear that way—no, what I’m saying is that as I looked into my rearview I actually saw it melt into nothingness as the rain pelted it.

Good bye.

 

And so I’ve thought about it all these years and still come up with the same questions. Had she been a ghost? Had it all been a hallucination? Had we ever met before?

No, I’d never seen that woman before in all of my life.

Every map, every person I’d ever talked to had no recollection of that road, or building. Of that woman. No folklore, no legends, no nothing.

So what’d happened?

Something had to have occurred, because Grace had seen her, too, had seen us holding hands, for chrissakes. Grace’d never stopped after she’d gotten into the car that night, except for gas, and when she had, I stopped, but she turned and gave me that same murderous glare and silent command. It was over. I didn’t even try. We both knew this was the end. No longer had it been about kids, if it ever really had been. I let her go and watched as her taillights again left me for the darkness.

Forever.

Ever since I’ve failed at everything. I got fired from every job, never had second dates, and after a while, not even firsts. Got evicted from apartments—lost my mortgage—you name it. I finally admitted to myself what I needed to do. I had nothing holding me back anymore, so where was the harm? I’d gotten into my car, filled it up, and headed into rainy oblivion.

And here I am.

I’ve gotten pretty good, over the years, of driving in the nearly undriveable. Learned the Iowa back roads pretty well. But I’m tired. I need to find what was, all those years ago. If I can’t, well, I don’t know what I’ll do.

So the rain pounds down upon my windshield, cursing me for all I’ve done, and not done. Bursts of thunder and lightning jar my senses. I take one more turn up ahead, and slide down a small hill into a dip. The rain seems angrier here, and I have to slow down still more. I look to the speedometer and see that my speed barely registers.

Why am I even driving?

Because I need her.

I’m exhausted. I peer ahead, looking for a place to pull over and uncover the sleeping pills…so many, many, of them…beneath my crumpled jacket on the front seat. I briefly look at them.

Enough of everything….

When I spot something up ahead.

I get closer and try to make it out—and what do I see?

An ancient gas station.

A roof covering gas pumps.

I break, and my car slides into a muddy and crooked stop before the pumps. I get out, deafened by the roar of the rain, wincing from the force of the storm, and stand there…looking to the building.

I can’t believe what I’m seeing!

And there’s a light on.

Legs weak and shaky I approach the screen door. It’s solid, all right. Grasping the doorknob, I open it. I enter the room and see a shadowy figure slumped over at one of the tables in that far corner. Her head hangs low.

I am without words as I approach, for I know it’s her.

Sure, I’ve aged some, as I know she has, but what’s right is right. I get to the table and see an old black-and-white photograph still lying on the table where I’d last left it. I look to the woman who still sat in the same chair I’d left her in. I place a hand to her shoulder—cold at first—but soon feel warmth. She lifts her head…and I come around and sit beside her.

“I’ve waited for you for so long,” she whispers, in a wavering, tortured voice. Tears drain down her cheeks.

Heart in my throat, I look into her eyes and see the same woman I’d seen all those years ago. Exactly the same. I’m not sure how I know this, or how much I believe it, but it makes sense. She isn’t a ghost, at least not in the conventional sense—no…she’s a wish….

“I’m Blondie,” she whispers, “I’m the woman—”

“I know. The photograph.”

She smiled.

“It’s hard to explain,” she says, “but I’ve always loved you…just as you’ve always loved me. We’re two people of the same hunger. Both of us wanted something neither had, but reached across time to find. There are other…lives…we all live, some in dreams, some not. When you looked into that photograph, you created all of this—”

“But how could I? We got here before I found the picture—”

“Desire has a way of warping time. I can’t explain it myself, only know my want…as do you. However it happened we know the reality of the outcome. Can we live in more than one reality? I don’t know. I only know that I didn’t want to live in the one I had been in up until that picture. I had to leave. The moment you read my need…desired me…you took me out of that life and brought me into this one. That’s all I know, all I care about. I’m no longer where I was.”

“And me?”

Again, that warm smile.

“Your choice. You still have that choice—”

“No…I don’t. There is no choice—can’t you see? I’ve always been with you since that moment—everything else I’ve ever done, or tried to do, has left me; never had I anything since I left you.”

She smiled and we both knew.

Why try to know and explain everything? Why not just live in the moment and leave the explanations to Who or Whatever runs this crazy ride.

I reached out to Blondie and took her hand and immediately felt a lifetime younger—older?—who cared. We were together and I would never, ever again abandon her. We had both found what we so desperately sought—and it was just that—we both needed to need it…desperately.

 

The rain continued to pound, relentlessly, but it wasn’t angry, not in the least. And as our building and pumps melted away…as did my car and the remains of my previous life…I realized that there had never been any anger in the rain—only tears of joy.

Short Story Links

Links to all my posted short stories are here.

 

Filed Under: Metaphysical, Short Story, Spooky, To Be Human, Writing Tagged With: 1940s, 1944, Back roads, Gas Stations, Publishing, Rain, Short Stories, Storms, Summer, Twilight Zone, Vargas Girls, writing

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