F. P. Dorchak

Speculative Fiction (New Weird) Author

Health

My New Goal In Life

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Since we’re into winter, and I can’t always head out into the park I leave nearby to get my hikes in, and since I don’t want bulky exercise equipment again taking up interior home space, I’m getting back into rope jumping.

Yeah the very same jumping of rope we all did as kids.

Over the years, I’d also done “heavy rope” jump rope, which was, literally, a heavier rope (I think the rope was about an inch in diameter), and I got pretty good with it. But after some serious use, the handles kept coming apart. I never understand how manufacturers never dealt with obvious equipment flaws like this, or perhaps they did so on purpose to get you to buy another—but that makes no sense to me, cause if’n it broke the first time, I’m certainly not going to buy another. And I haven’t.

So, I bought a new speed rope, and I began using it—and quickly found out, wow, it’s, uh, been a while. Not only in technique, but in cardio fitness level. It looks easy, not much effort whipping that rope around you with simple flicks of the wrists, but let me tell you, it takes good cardio to do that for any length of time, the way it ramps your heart rate up and in no short order. But there’s also technique. I thought my cardio was in “decent” shape, given what I currently do, but, it’s not the same. So, I’m quite looking forward to getting back into this, and if you are too, check out this site for some great tips on buying a rope and using it.

But this guy, man, he takes it to a whole new, over the top trick-jumping level!

Now, I could (Karen L.!) make all kinds of allusions to rope jumping and writing, in that both need development of a “cardio system,” and the building up of that “system” into a well-honed, well-oiled machine. That writing and rope jumping are all about “baby steps,” small steps, few leaps (except for the few exceptionals who can produce “trick jumping,” as illustrated above), constantly picking at the effort every day to get better and better; about both involving larger, greater issues at hand, like overall fitness levels and huge manuscripts and complex story lines, emotional intricacies, and that all begin and are created with small steps (“How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time…”). That both involve learning and mastering techniques. Becoming “One” with the medium. And that both are fun in the pain that comes with the burn….

But, nayyy…I won’t bore you with all that.

Enjoy the video.

Superstorm Sandy

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Increasing stratospheric water vapor at Boulde...
Increasing stratospheric water vapor at Boulder, Colorado. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Earlier this week an absolutely nasty storm hit the eastern seaboard of our United States and wreaked utter havoc and devastation upon our land. As of this writing, 92 people in the U.S. have died from this storm, bringing the storm’s total loss of life since it blew up from the Caribbean (good Lord, this thing was fricking huge) to 161, and there are estimates of between $30 and $50 billion dollars of damage. Billion. To see the images of the near total destruction in some areas is heartbreaking. I have family and friends in the affected areas and have tried to contact them, but the lines of communication are clearly not what they were last week.

Why are these massive superstorms happening? Apparently even all the learned minds can’t even agree, everyone has their opinions about Global Warming, and don’t even try to get Zen on the matter, cause you’re immediately laughed off (cue: Oliver Stone’s statement of punishment), but the most recent National Geographic article I’d read about the mechanics of superstorms does accuse Global Warming in that in the warming of the Earth, more water vapor is being evaporated into the air, and with more water in the atmosphere, and other atmospheric physics I can’t recall nor spit back, storms are simply getting worse because there’s “more ammo” at their disposal (my words).

Now, as to the root cause of these storms, Mother Nature being pissed at our politicians, governmental conspiracies, the normal planetary cycle of life and weather, et cetera, I’m not going to speculate, except that I believe all things are related, and everything is tied to everything else, in the most Zen of ways. I don’t believe in arcane punishment, Mother Nature or otherwise, but I do believe in collective angst. All you have to do is look outside to see angst subject matter everywhere you look. But that’s not my drive here, today.

My heart goes out to everyone affected by this massive superstorm. It’s horrendous and dispiriting, but I hope that we can all rise up from this disaster and rebuild physically, mentally, and spiritually. There’s not much that any of us can say who are not directly affected by this storm, but, please, be strong, persevere…and have faith that you can rebuild and rise above this.

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The Animal

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The Animal: The Dyson DC39, Radial Root Cyclone™ Canister Vacuum
The Animal: The Dyson DC39, Radial Root Cyclone™ Canister Vacuum

And by “The Animal,” I mean the Dyson DC39 Animal, 275 AW, Ball™ technology, Radial Root Cyclone, HEPA filtered, canister vacuum cleaner.

Anyone remember Tim The Tool Man Taylor and his trademark simian-like grunts?

Well, earlier this year, we got one—and at a pretty good discount from Sears, of all places—and this bad boy mamajamma really gets the business done. I mean, it really makes you wanna vacuum.

I jest not.

Guys are somewhat visually oriented. Sometimes we’re also, well…a little “thick” when it comes to certain things.

Like vacuuming.

When my wife and I do the housecleaning, we divide up the duties. I get the honor of vacuuming. Now, I have to admit, I’ve kinda always liked “making things come clean,” I know, it’s a weird thing and some may beg to differ…but it’s true. I’m not obsessive at all about it (some may heartily agree here…), but I have my moments. Well, when informed that I really should vacuum every other week—perhaps even every week—I kinda, um—balked. Yes, balked.  We used one a those “closed canister” vacuums before…The Animal.

We’ll never go back.

One day, I thought, okay, I’ll vacuum the “every other week,” and I’ll see just how much is picked up by the Dyson DC39.  You see, folks, The Animal has a see-through canister, where you can actually see the dirt pile up, and—bonus!—it spins around really, really fast!  So, in essence, it’s kinda like a video game! And…since guys are largely visual in nature, we get to see the actual fruits of our labor—not to mention the 275 AW Ball™ and Radial Root Cyclone technologies—in action!

<cue Tim The Tool Man Taylor trademark simian grunt!>

Now, when I first grabbed hold of this bad boy, my first impression was not immediate love. It’s made of light plastic (it’s only 22.9 pounds). If you’re not flexin’ and strainin’ your muscles under the heft of at least a 30-pound slug, why bother, right? Where’s the substance to the equipment? But I have to say, it’s light for a reason, and that reason makes it easier to handle for those not ape-strong for the more anchor-weighted machines of yore. But, what really got my attention, and fast, what really absolutely, positively hooked me was its ability to pick up animal hair—pa-ronto. This thing is engineered to pick up animal hair and dander, and this baby delivers. What used to take me, say, 15 minutes…now takes me less than 5.

And when I checked the canister after just one room…the canister was full.

That means that what I’d thought was clean from my previous vacuuming was a bald-faced lie.

It wasn’t clean. Not even remotely.

But I discovered another fact: it was actually fun vacuuming with this piece of haut technology, cause it was so badass. It was quieter, faster, and easier. I could see the dirt…whipping around in the canister. It was now like I wanted the house to be dirty—really dirty—the dirtier the better, so I could go around sucking up even more dirt, seeing more dirt swirl around inside the canister, emptying the immediate fruits of my labor.

I…had become…a Hunter of Dirt.

<grunt!>

Me and The Animal against the soils of the world…roaming free on the untamed carpeted (and hardwood-ed) wildlands of domesticated terrain…alone with my thoughts…my hardware…my finely honed senses and skill…and a hungry HEPA filter.

And I was good at it.

I could say I “bagged” more than my limit at every outing—but there is no bag. Just that wonderful, see-through canister (ooh, isn’t she a beauty?).

So, if you can swing it, I highly recommend the Dyson DC39 Animal, 275 AW, Ball™ technology, Radial Root Cyclone, HEPA filtered, canister vacuum.

Carpets shudder with antici…pppa…tion…at its approach.

A Return to the Straight and Arrow—Traditional Archery, Day 3—Or Going “Obi-Wan”

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Alec Guinness as Obi-Wan Kenobi
Aim Without Aiming, Frank (Obi-Wan Kenobi, Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I had my first-ever archery instruction yesterday, and it was eye-opening.

You’d think, gee, a stick, a string, and an arrow. How much “tuning” does a “stick and string” require?

How about bracing height, nock point, arrow rest thickness? Throw in a string waxing for good measure.

I’m not going to get into all those, those can be found with some Internet searches, and it wasn’t about all the bow tuning. It was all about the “Instinctive Training.” It was fascinating. How to shoot without aiming. I told him he was getting all “Obi-Wan Kenobi” on me.

Heh-heh.

Yeah, we had a good laugh, then this weird look came across his face, there was a wave of his hands (or something), and I kinda lost track of what I was saying….

But it’s true. And how is this best explained?

Like throwing a ball.

That’s it. And how do you get better? By throwing more and more balls. That’s the trick. Shooting more and more arrows.

We talked about stance  (look at the picture of the archer in this link; see how the archer’s head and torso are angled?), canting the bow (look at the picture of the archer in this link; see how the bow’s angled?), best and worse anchor points, dragging that damned hand along the face after release. I had some difficulty with that one. The rest of my form is fine, but I seem to have issues with “just relaxing the fingers” and letting the string go (perhaps a Zen analogy on life...?), not plucking the string (okay, nock it off with the Zen, already!). Sometime my fingers “fling out,” but I think most times they touch my shoulder. The other times they do go in the general direction and, yes, I can “scratch behind my ear.”

Practice.

Targets?

We don’t need to no stinkin’ targets.

We shoot at “nothing” (there is no spoon…) or part of an exploded balloon at 20 yards (later we moved it in to 10, to work more on the form and finger release issues). I liked that. I had two hours of instruction, then stayed another hour, and I only put up a target in the last 15-20 minutes, just to do so, but I was tired by then, so the hits on the paper don’t near do just to how much frigging better I did and felt over the course of the instruction. The whole “lift-aim-cant-release” I found extremely cool, not-to-mention quite helpful, and, admittedly, reminded me of all those “cool shots” in movies nowadays, where villains no longer shoot a handgun upright anymore, but turn em 45 or 90 degrees to take the shot (though, of course,  I didn’t tell Obi-Wan any of this—I did want to remember some of my instruction…).

But, I was grouping! And in a good way!

And, not only that, but there were several distinct moments during all this grouping and tiny balloon-shard, non-spoon targeting (we never actually targeted anything on purpose, it was all about the form;getting close to the balloon was bonus work), that it all actually felt right.

There, I got all Obi-Wan on myself.

Yeah, I could actually get that internal, Zen feeling as I stood there—at arrow release—that everything fell into place and the shot was near perfect (well, at least in my book). It was a cool feeling. It’s like when a writer’s “in the zone,” and it all just flows, you’re lost in the act. You’re not “a writer,” you’re the writing.

Aim without aiming, my friends!

A Return to the Straight and Arrow –Day 1.

A Return to the Straight and Arrow –Day 2.

A Return to the Straight and Arrow—Traditional Archery, Day 2

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Still All Over, Still Pulling Left, But Grouping Better!

Ouch.

Turns out my right ring finger is still quite, well…”annoyed.” I talked with my soon-to-be instructor about it and he recommended the “tab” (archers use “tabs” or “gloves” to pull back the bow string, it’s much easier on the flesh, since we’re all not superheros nor nineteenth century woodspeople…) I use should be at least two, preferably three layers in thickness. I believe mine is considered “two,” with one felt and one plastic layer. But my concern with the numb finger is to get the most “twang for my buck (heh-heh, like that!), come instruction time. I don’t want to be focusing on pain and improper physical ability if I’m paying money to learn how to do this right, and I can’t do “the right” if my body ain’t cooperatin’. I can muscle through it, sure, did so for an hour yesterday and through half of my first session, Monday (and you can see how well those went…), but I don’t want to waste my time and money, nor my instructor’s time, if my body isn’t “working right” to properly follow instruction. So, no more range until I see him late next week, and I’ll be looking at a thicker tab.

So…went out to the range yesterday to see if I could do any better with the replaced arrow rest (see comments from Day 1), and I kinda did, though it may not look all that different from my first target, but around 4 or 5 “ends” in (Lune, a commenter, was kind enough to point out [pardon the pun] that a “sessions with arrows,” when you run out and put down the bow to retrieve them, is called an “end”–thanks, again, Lune!), among a couple other groupings, I actually had a grouping of THREE arrows in the center yellow (the inverted “L” at the bottom center of the yellow). I must have been doing something right. And, BTW, I never once hit the backstop, this go-around.

Overall, I felt much more confident and feel I did a heckuva a lot better shooting this time—and I was actually grouping arrows, though am still somewhat pulling to the left.

I really have to say, I love the feeling of the bow.

It has been so long, but I love the feel of it all—nocking arrows, drawing the string, targeting. Watching the arrows as they fly through the air and head for the target. That thump! as they strike the target.

Nothing like it.

A Return to the Straight and Arrow–Day 1.

A Return to the Straight and Arrow–Day 3.

Run For Your Lives – A Zombie-Infested 5K Obstacle Course Race!

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This is so damned COOL! Check this out. Though I’ve heard of the concept, I had no idea this was going on (well, had gone on) yesterday, in Lakewood, Colorado.

Here are the rules, but essentially, you run a 5K obstacle course with “flags” attached to a belt, like in flag football. It’s your job to get to the end of the race, and it’s the zombies job to get all your flags and, well, eat your brains.

I’d heard of this starting up, but hadn’t been following it’s incredible take off across the country. Denver’s run yesterday was fourth among 12 in what’s called the 2012 Takeover Tour. In Denver’s run, there were 750 “zombies,” people who [really] play the part of different kinds of zombies (“stumblers” and “chasers”), and there are definite rules to their “brain-eating antics.”

And lots of “blood.”

But also mud, hills, water, and any of a number of HUMAN-made obstacles. Watch the video if you haven’t already–looks like a blast!

And if running from zombies–nor being a brain-eater–ain’t your pound of flesh, then grab an Apocalypse Pass as an spectator (man, they’ve thought of everything)!

Anyway, check out their site, it’s quite expansive and has lots of cool stuff, info, pictures, et cet. Even a FAQs page.

The next apocalypse is set for August 4, in Washington State. Better hurry.

Last one there’s a brain-eater.