F. P. Dorchak

Speculative Fiction (New Weird) Author

Leisure

The Eldredge Not

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Gold Tie
Gold Tie. Ohhh, You’re SO Smug. Just Lying There.

I bought this gold tie that I plan on “using” at my book signing next month. “Using,” as in “employing” a complicated “Eldredge Knot.” One of the characters, Émile, in my novel, Voice, wore the knot.

Damn him.

This is my journey.

Day 1

Performed unmentionable sacrifice to The Tie Gods. Soul will knot in Hell.

I unwrapped the tie. Bought it special. Amazon dot com.

Researched best Internet video. Watched it twice. Tried knot. Failed miserably. Sprained wrist.

Found other things to do…like Facebook, Twitter…yard work. Took a hike.

Day 2

Surfed the Internet. Checked e-mail. Avoided…The Knot.

Took a walk.

Carbo loaded. Iced sprained wrist.

Day 3

What?! This is really day 3?! Crap.

Better carbo load again….

Days 4 – 12…

Okay, so I finally (again) carbo loaded, hydrated (always, always hydrate!), and manned up.

Set a date.

Pre-dialed 9-1-1. Had first-aid kit handy.

I will do this.

Today.

Wife’s gone on a business trip. Must have no witnesses.

I removed the innocuous looking tie from its wrapper. Put on my BRIGHT royal blue shirt (it doesn’t come across in this pictures, but it’s ROYAL blue…like, really, really royal blue). I found that best video out there and began my sojourn.

The Eldredge Knot.

Yes…the famed, complicated, yea mythical knot.

Not for the timid.

I began.

This is the unsuspecting neck.

The Uninitiated, Oh-So-Naïve Neck.
The Uninitiated, Oh-So-Naïve Neck.

I watched the video.

Took the tie in both hands.

My hands trembled. I steadied them.

I began.

I flipped it.

I wrapped it.

I pulled it through.

I tightened that bad boy.

The Eldredge Not.
The Eldredge Not.

Uh, yeaaah. Knot exactly what I was expecting. Great. Now I pulled the other wrist.

I undid everything.

Took a moment (or 15) to get my head together. Shook it off. Iced the wrist.

I went back in.

Okay, I hit the paused selection on the video twice as many times this time…hydrated some more during the action…and

I flipped it.

Wrapped it.

Pulled it through.

Tightened it.

The Eldredge Garlic Press.
The Eldredge Garlic Press.

Dang it!

How th—

Hey, I’d been looking for that garlic press for two years!

Okay, fine.

Take a breath.

I can do this.

It’s just a knot. A knot.

Made of material.

Puts its pants on like everyone else.

The guy on the video says it’s not all the hard (really). If he can do…I can.

I extricated the garlic press from the folds…undid the tie.

Stared at it.

Wrung out my hands…yes, they were still a little sore…the wrists, tender…but I’d have to muscle through the pain. I work out. Focus. Forced reps.

I can do this.

I drank four coffees, five iced teas, and downed three handfuls of acai berries. Dipped in dark chocolate.

Breathe.

Breathe!

I went in.

This was it folks.

There would be no going back.

It was me…or the knot.

There would be no prisoners.

I flipped it.

I wrapped it.

I twisted it.

Pulled it through.

Tightennned it until my hands trembled.

Then I opened my eyes (that really helps, I found).

The Eldredge Knot.
The Eldredge Knot.

I cried!

It wasn’t perfect…but I’d done it.

I’d conquered Everest. I mean Eldredge.

I collapsed.

**********************

My wife found me two days later, having returned from her trip. I was dehydrated, delirious, 30-pounds lighter, my neck bruised…but I was none-the-worse-for-wear.

It took several sessions of intense Rolfing before I could recall anything.

The tie.

The…the Eldredge Knot.

I had been there and back.

Lived to talk about it.

And I’m never taking it off.

But, it is October.

Try it…if you dare. You will never be the same.

 

 

Voice Book Signing At The Bookman Nov 7, 2015

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Voice Book Signing Nov 7 2015, 1 - 3 P.M.
Voice Book Signing Nov 7 2015, 1 – 3 P.M.

Next month I am holding a book signing at The Bookman, in Colorado Springs, Colorado, from 1 to 3 p.m., Mountain time. It’ll be my first full-on book signing for Voice, though I’m also going to MileHiCon in Denver this month and I’m included in an en masse book signing of all the MileHiCon authors on Friday, October 23rd. I was there last year.

Next month’s book signing is on the West Side of Colorado Springs, just off and parallel to Highway 24. It’s catty-corner across from the Pizza Hut and within a stone’s throw of Safeway, where there’s plenty of parking.

I will also have some of my other novels on hand, but this signing is primarily about Voice.

Come on by (you, too, Vanessa!)…it’d be nice to see ya!

Voice Links:

Voice Facebook Events Page

The Bookman’s Facebook Voice Events Page

Voice Web Page

Voice Pinterest Board

Voice Reviews

Voice Amazon

Voice Smashwords

Going Indie — What I've Learned (So Far) — Quit Askin For Stuff!

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Okay, so this is what I’ve learned over the past couple of years of what promotion I’ve been able to do for my novels:

  1. Stop asking for things!
  2. Creating “events”? Only for romance authors and/or people (aka “women”) with friends!

All the conferences and discussions I’ve had about what to do or not do in the promotion of one’s work usually hits upon the above two immutables. “Immutables” because I’ve always heard that you should always ask for readers to write reviews and that in getting book signings, one should create an “event” and not just sit around like a bump on a log.

Well, I’ve tried to employ both of these directives. And in both cases I’ve: 1) felt cheap and telemarket-y, b) felt more than I really am, as in do I fancy myself a “Rick Castle“?, and lastly…have been overruled by the location-in-question.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

  1. In today’s Day and Age, if people like your work, they’ll volunteer or actually just do the review. It’s a thing now, for chrissakes. Everyone reviews everything. They review the weather, their relationships, their own reviews. I’ve found that if I’ve e-mailed the question, people who don’t want to review your work will simply avoid the question altogether. Yup, they’ll just ignore you. It’s like my wife asking me to clean out the garage (again). If you ask face-to-face, “Sure,” they say they will…as their tone drops and they don’t look you in the eye and scratch behind an ear (or check their Galaxy Samsung for sudden phantom messages–“Hey, gotta take this text!“)…and you feel cheap for having had to ask. So, quit frigging asking for reviews! Okay, fine. I hated asking for them anyway.
  2. Events?! Who the <expletive> wants to come to an “event” to buy a book? In fact, who the hell wants to be in any way bothered by that guy or gal behind the imposing desk with a saccharin smile on their scared little face? Nobody knows how to write anymore—so a signed book? What does that even mean? If they want anything signed (“Uh, do you mean that verified/trusted electronic security certificate thingee?“) they’ll either swoop down from behind your position and shove an iPad into your face…or they’ll go to the quiet book shelves deep within the inner Sanctum Sanctorum of the store…find your book…then search Amazon or Nook and download it—thank you very much, Signing Person, for bringing it to my attention! Now, go—get thee away from me and leave me alone—I’ll go find it elsewhere and NOT have to physically interact with you…but, um, I will tweet I walked by your table (unless you’re off-the-charts hot or are a famous Romance Author with chocolate or brownies and a frigging rose-in-a-vase on your oh-so-cutely decored table)…. #AuthorAvoidance.
  3. It seems that most of the locations I can get into are small and cozy. I get that. Heck, I even really like that. I’m not into pomp and circumstance and never have been. Local bookstores do like to cater to the local author and will do what they can, but: 1) they’re small…they don’t have enough room for “events,” 2) they’re cozy and their clientele like “cozy”…they don’t do things that annoy cozy, and 3) see 1 and 2. Cozy is good. I like cozy! Why are you bothering me with these “event” questions?! What—my own? Maybe not. Locations that do do “events” are Big Box. I’ve never yet gotten into a Big Box. I don’t sell enough. I don’t have enough friends (keeping reading).
  4. Who the heck do I think I am, anyway? Richard Castle?

And as I’ve further considered the above items-of-interest, I’ve realized that I’d never heard any of these things uttered from, well—don’t shoot me, now—a guy.

Yes, a guy.

There, I’ve said it.

I’m not one of those who hammer on gender differences (am not a fan of those who do), but this really is quite pronounced and can be proven in a court of law. I’ve heard these directions uttered from legions of female authors (and most writers/authors I know are women…um, as are the agents, the editors, and well, you get the picture…). Usually somehow affiliated or associated with romance (friends, Romans, or Country…women…).

Now, don’t get me wrong, I always say more power to the author who can sell any of their wares, especially on a recurring basis. But, these romance authors are writing to an audience that is, well, there really is no other term for it—rabid—about their world. Their genre. <Expletive>, their authors! So, it comes as no shock to me that “creating events” and asking their readers to review their work is not out of line.

In fact, I was at a conference once (I wasn’t) and had seen (as far as you know…) where a romance author was in conversation with a rabid reader fan (RRF), had (“casually”) brought up the subject of reviews, and before the author had completed her sentence, the RRF had shouted “Done!“, arms thrust high into the air (nearly dislocating her shoulders—I saw the tears creeping out her right eye), one hand holding her Nokia like a Crusaders’ sword, shouting,”Reviewed! 5,000 likes!”

Or maybe I didn’t. Can’t remember. The Fog of Conference.

As to the having tons of friends part, that also is usually tied to women.

Sure, you say, guys have friends.

No. Not really. We don’t.

We have buddies.

There’s a difference. Guys don’t flock en masse to anything that doesn’t involve beer or sports, and still, we don’t “flock” and we don’t “attend events.” We just all happen to end up at the same place. At once. To drink beer. Yell. Fart, belch, and slap each other (briefly) on the shoulder and move on to the next beer. Quote sports stats. Where’s the BBQ?

Women are supportive of each other.

Men drink beer. Eat grilled meat.

So all this only works if you’re a woman, a romance author, or have tons of friends.

Or are Richard Castle.

Related articles

Going Indie — What I’ve Learned (So Far) — Quit Askin For Stuff!

by

Okay, so this is what I’ve learned over the past couple of years of what promotion I’ve been able to do for my novels:

  1. Stop asking for things!
  2. Creating “events”? Only for romance authors and/or people (aka “women”) with friends!

All the conferences and discussions I’ve had about what to do or not do in the promotion of one’s work usually hits upon the above two immutables. “Immutables” because I’ve always heard that you should always ask for readers to write reviews and that in getting book signings, one should create an “event” and not just sit around like a bump on a log.

Well, I’ve tried to employ both of these directives. And in both cases I’ve: 1) felt cheap and telemarket-y, b) felt more than I really am, as in do I fancy myself a “Rick Castle“?, and lastly…have been overruled by the location-in-question.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

  1. In today’s Day and Age, if people like your work, they’ll volunteer or actually just do the review. It’s a thing now, for chrissakes. Everyone reviews everything. They review the weather, their relationships, their own reviews. I’ve found that if I’ve e-mailed the question, people who don’t want to review your work will simply avoid the question altogether. Yup, they’ll just ignore you. It’s like my wife asking me to clean out the garage (again). If you ask face-to-face, “Sure,” they say they will…as their tone drops and they don’t look you in the eye and scratch behind an ear (or check their Galaxy Samsung for sudden phantom messages–“Hey, gotta take this text!“)…and you feel cheap for having had to ask. So, quit frigging asking for reviews! Okay, fine. I hated asking for them anyway.
  2. Events?! Who the <expletive> wants to come to an “event” to buy a book? In fact, who the hell wants to be in any way bothered by that guy or gal behind the imposing desk with a saccharin smile on their scared little face? Nobody knows how to write anymore—so a signed book? What does that even mean? If they want anything signed (“Uh, do you mean that verified/trusted electronic security certificate thingee?“) they’ll either swoop down from behind your position and shove an iPad into your face…or they’ll go to the quiet book shelves deep within the inner Sanctum Sanctorum of the store…find your book…then search Amazon or Nook and download it—thank you very much, Signing Person, for bringing it to my attention! Now, go—get thee away from me and leave me alone—I’ll go find it elsewhere and NOT have to physically interact with you…but, um, I will tweet I walked by your table (unless you’re off-the-charts hot or are a famous Romance Author with chocolate or brownies and a frigging rose-in-a-vase on your oh-so-cutely decored table)…. #AuthorAvoidance.
  3. It seems that most of the locations I can get into are small and cozy. I get that. Heck, I even really like that. I’m not into pomp and circumstance and never have been. Local bookstores do like to cater to the local author and will do what they can, but: 1) they’re small…they don’t have enough room for “events,” 2) they’re cozy and their clientele like “cozy”…they don’t do things that annoy cozy, and 3) see 1 and 2. Cozy is good. I like cozy! Why are you bothering me with these “event” questions?! What—my own? Maybe not. Locations that do do “events” are Big Box. I’ve never yet gotten into a Big Box. I don’t sell enough. I don’t have enough friends (keeping reading).
  4. Who the heck do I think I am, anyway? Richard Castle?

And as I’ve further considered the above items-of-interest, I’ve realized that I’d never heard any of these things uttered from, well—don’t shoot me, now—a guy.

Yes, a guy.

There, I’ve said it.

I’m not one of those who hammer on gender differences (am not a fan of those who do), but this really is quite pronounced and can be proven in a court of law. I’ve heard these directions uttered from legions of female authors (and most writers/authors I know are women…um, as are the agents, the editors, and well, you get the picture…). Usually somehow affiliated or associated with romance (friends, Romans, or Country…women…).

Now, don’t get me wrong, I always say more power to the author who can sell any of their wares, especially on a recurring basis. But, these romance authors are writing to an audience that is, well, there really is no other term for it—rabid—about their world. Their genre. <Expletive>, their authors! So, it comes as no shock to me that “creating events” and asking their readers to review their work is not out of line.

In fact, I was at a conference once (I wasn’t) and had seen (as far as you know…) where a romance author was in conversation with a rabid reader fan (RRF), had (“casually”) brought up the subject of reviews, and before the author had completed her sentence, the RRF had shouted “Done!“, arms thrust high into the air (nearly dislocating her shoulders—I saw the tears creeping out her right eye), one hand holding her Nokia like a Crusaders’ sword, shouting,”Reviewed! 5,000 likes!”

Or maybe I didn’t. Can’t remember. The Fog of Conference.

As to the having tons of friends part, that also is usually tied to women.

Sure, you say, guys have friends.

No. Not really. We don’t.

We have buddies.

There’s a difference. Guys don’t flock en masse to anything that doesn’t involve beer or sports, and still, we don’t “flock” and we don’t “attend events.” We just all happen to end up at the same place. At once. To drink beer. Yell. Fart, belch, and slap each other (briefly) on the shoulder and move on to the next beer. Quote sports stats. Where’s the BBQ?

Women are supportive of each other.

Men drink beer. Eat grilled meat.

So all this only works if you’re a woman, a romance author, or have tons of friends.

Or are Richard Castle.

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Voice Delivered…

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Plain Brown Wrapper: First Set of Voice Delivery, Sept 14, 2015
Plain Brown Wrapper: First Set of Voice Delivery, Sept 14, 2015

When I got the package of the first set of books for my new release, Voice, I just had to share, for it was not in the least lost on me the irony of its delivery: in a plain brown wrapper.

Is that still a “thing” in today’s world?

Well, I laughed.

The Naughty Little Book: What's Inside The Plain Brown Wrapper!
The Naughty Little Book: What’s Inside The Plain Brown Wrapper!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Voice is Released!

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Voice. (©2015, F. P. Dorchak and Lon Kirschner)
Voice. (©2015, F. P. Dorchak and Lon Kirschner)

Sex, love, and metaphysics. This intense sometimes explicit story is about what people do in the dark…especially when they’re hiding from themselves. A daring, sexy—even inspirational—read that explores relationships both familial and romantic and the tragedies that result from fractures in both. Voice is hard-hitting and unflinching…even uncomfortable…a novel for anyone who’s ever loved more than one.

After 16 years (18 if you count start to finish) and much angst, this novel is finally seeing the light of day! It’s also my longest published novel to date, at over 120,000 words.

Voice—my sexy, visionary fiction—is now available! Is it literary? Visionary? Erotica? Romance?

Truly, it is a little of each. But, whatever it is, it is my most mainstream effort ever. As I’ve said multiple times, I never wrote it, never intended it as erotic fiction. I still don’t even picture the story that way in my head. It is a story about people. It happens to have some explicit sex scenes in it, just like some novels have explicit violence in them. It turns out I actually wrote it as more of a love story: it’s a story about a guy who falls in love with a voice in his head.

That’s it.

I never had the plot nor story outlined…it just came to me as I wrote it. And I honestly did not know how it was going to end until I hit the “.” key after the last word in the manuscript. I do not exaggerate. I remember this vividly: I was banging along on the keyboard, excited how things had unfolded…wrote the last word. Hit the period key. Went to add a next page…and paused.

It was perfect. It surprised me. I ended it right there.

I’ve written a few “apologetic” pieces about the whole “erotica thing,” but…no more apologies.

It is what it is.

Writing Voice did more than expand my writing…it expanded my mind. My understanding of what I feel I’m capable of doing. Voice helped me go to emotional depths I’d never gone to before. At least in my own head. You, the readers, will tell me if I hit the mark or not. But, writing Voice took me down emotional rabbit holes. I found ways to write about the deep, sometimes hidden and painfully emotional details deep within stories. Which is really want I’ve wanted to do and hope I can do again. I’ve always wanted to write powerfully moving stories about the human condition. I didn’t want to just write about aliens or the supernatural. I wanted to write stories that were emotionally kick-ass as well as paranormal. I want to make people cry. Anger them. Excite them. Voice helped me learn how to “go there.” In Psychic I wrote a highly unpleasant rape scene. It was needed, so I did it. I didn’t flinch away from it. That scene’s power and mechanics came from having written Voice. In The Uninvited, I wrote graphic violence. I had to. They were important to the emotional context of the story. The ability to write out those scenes grew out of having worked on Voice.

And the utter irony?

When I finally made my way back to Voice and made that decision to actually follow through and put it out there…all the work I’d done on all my other novels all came back to help in making Voice the absolutely best, the most honest, emotional, and powerfully uncomfortable work I’ve ever created. And I’m proud of it—and I don’t use words like “pride.” If it wasn’t for Voice, none of the other novels would have been as good as they are…and if it wasn’t for the other novels, Voice wouldn’t be as good as it is. Or so I’ve heard from a couple readers (you just can’t trust me…).

And it is a powerful, emotional journey…but, really, that’s up to each of you to determine. I can’t please everyone, as a couple of my reviews show.

Sex, love, and metaphysics. This intense sometimes explicit story is about what people do in the dark…especially when they’re hiding from themselves.

I love this story, the setting. The whole gestalt. ERO and Voice rank as my favorite efforts. I hope you will also get lost in Voice and find the story. I did wonder if a couple of those who proofed and read it would ever talk to me again…and, well, so far they are. So, I have that going for me…which is nice….

Of those who’ve already read it, one reader told me half jokingly she wasn’t sure she could look me in the eyes “just now” when we first talked after her having read it.

That was so cool!

We laughed!

It meant I’d written something that had her look at me differently. And if she looked at me differently…how differently was she also looking at others? The world?

That meant I had expanded someone’s Weltanschauung.

That I had given another a different perspective.

Which is SO cool!

But I hadn’t done this alone!

There were others. Named and unnamed. I can never thank enough those who took a chance on this story—and me—to read it. Those who listened patiently to my conversational angst about should-I-or-shouldn’t-I? In one case, Mandy Pratt, who did the lion’s share of proofing and editing, having spent April to July picking things apart and pointing out misspelled words (dang it!) and messing with my head with shades of meaning—and, oh, let’s not even begin to talk about my own annoying employment of M-dashes and ellipses!

Yes, she kept me honest. Thanks, Mandy!

To Edie, Amy, Karen, Lon, and Joseph—thank you all for taking time out of your life to help out in the various ways you all did! Amy—you read this twice! Amy, an actual editor, read this back in 2002 or 2003…and when I asked if she was up for reading it again, she actually leapt at the chance (okay, maybe not actually launching herself up and into the air, but consider that “artistic license”…)! Karen, for helping me refine my “pitches” (Karen was there at the beginning, waaay back at a writers conference in the late nineties—thank you for sticking with me through all this, Karen!), back cover text, sounding board, et cetera. Joseph Reininger, no longer in the book retail business, was the first to read Voice and, again, waaay back in the 90s, and his reception of it literally stunned me. Never had I ever received such glowing praise (his is the blurb in the front of the novel) for anything I’d written up to that point! And he sold books! Reads tons of them. Wow. Joseph, yes, it’s finally going to see the light of day—thank you for all of your support!

And perhaps the oddest thanks goes to Joelle Yudin.

She was an Associate Editor at HarperCollins from 2000 – 2006. I’d sent a query to a publisher, and the long-and-the-short-of-it was that it had gotten routed to her. She’d read it, and on January 3, 2003, had sent me the following note:

“<Name withheld> passed along your proposal to me for my thoughts. I found the premise to be quite intriguing and so I shared it with my colleagues. Unfortunately, I will be passing, as I could not get them excited about it. I wish you the best of luck with this.”

I looked back in my writing ledger (yes, I have one; I keep track of things like this), and on January 23, 2003, at about 11:20 a.m. MT, I called her.

Yes, actually called her and I actually got her.

I wanted to know why the oligarchy’d passed on it. I do remember she’d been so kind and easy to talk to and didn’t slough me off in the slightest. What I wrote in my ledger was that Joelle said she thought my writing was good, my “voice” (heh-heh, pardon the pun) interesting, but her colleagues thought the manuscript “small,” in that they were unsure if it would “stand up in the market.” That it was “all about the $$$.” That the “size” of the piece wasn’t “large” enough and they recommended a small publisher. Then, at the end of all my notes I’d added: “Very (underlined) nice lady and open and forthcoming. Even said ‘sorry.'”

So, Joelle, I will always remember you and your kindness…your interest in Voice. Thank you for all of it! If I can ever get in contact with you, I’m sending you a gratis copy or two!

So…here it is.

Voice.

Now what??, Mandy had asked. Now what, indeed!

I gotta find something else to work on….

****

Voice is available at Amazon.com (e-book and trade paperback), CreateSpace, Barnesandnoble.com, and Smashwords.com. There will be additional outlets as the distribution “takes.”

If anyone would like a signed paperback, feel free to send this or any other of my work to the following address—WITH THE PROPER POSTAGE OR IT WILL NOT BE RETURNED. I will use any unreturned books as free giveaways. Send to:

F. P. Dorchak, P. O. Box 49393, Colorado Springs, CO 80949.

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