F. P. Dorchak

Speculative Fiction (New Weird) Author

Samurai

The Reincarnation of F. P. Dorchak

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Bull Run, Virginia, Battlefield Cannon (© F. P. Dorchak, April 22, 1990)
Bull Run, Virginia, Battlefield Cannon (© F. P. Dorchak, April 22, 1990)

I believe in reincarnation…or, more specifically, in the living of simultaneous lives that appear to us in this physical existence as reincarnational.

This belief has led to more than a story or two. The strongest past life is my Civil War existence. This is the one that seems to come up the most. Has the strongest effect on me. It led to the short story “Etched In Stone” (to be posted Feb 26, 2016, on my other blog site). I feel I was part of a Zouave regiment, perhaps the 5th New York. Another life that greatly impacts me is my Titanic life. I feel I died while in the steerage section of that ship. That lead to “The Death of Me.” Existences as a WWII tail gunner and a Ronin/Samurai lead to the short story “Tail Gunner” and a character, “Kioshu,” in The Uninvited. The curious thing about the WWII tail gunner existence is that I also feel I may have been an American ground troop in that war as well. Not only do images of B-17s rattle my bones, but many scenes with ground troops stir my soul quite a bit, too. So, I figure I must’ve had dual counterparts in WWII. But there’s more “military”…

Someone once told me they “saw” me as a Roman soldier. And a chiropractor I used to go to had muscle tested me and came up with 14 past lives…including yet another military life: a WWI life, which was interesting, because I’d never really felt that existence. He might have been confusing it with my WWII lives and his own “filters”…but, in any case, it was interesting (muscle testing can be influenced by the one doing the testing). Yet another World War counterpart. Clearly I’ve dabbled in the military end of things a bit. And I’m quite over it, to tell you the truth. Enough with war.

Another life I haven’t looked into much was one as a witch. A “kid witch.” In early 1984, a woman (a witch) told me she thought I’d been a kid-witch of 12 or 13 years old and had been pressed to death. She also told me that she’d been the cause of my death. I later found this in a letter I’d written to the late Jane Roberts and Rob Butts in 1984. In it I’d written that this present-day witch:

“…keeps seeing me as a coven member, and I tell her that she’s probably just seeing a probable self of me. She also says that we knew each other in a ‘past life.’ That I was a little kid-witch, about 13, and she was the death of me. Interestingly, [while with her one day] I saw an image of a young kid, about 12 – 13, being pressed to death–an agonized face. I told her this after she told me what I told you.”

Curiously, I could find no instances of a teenager being pressed to death over the Internet, so who knows what we’re really picking up on…or maybe it was done “in private”…you know, once you get past believing in any of this….

Interestingly, as a teenager I did have a weird thing happen to me that relates to the above: one day while looking for something in the Lake Clear, N.Y. garage, I had pulled some upright sheets of plywood toward me, away from the garage wall (the wall closest to the house). As I did so, I felt the plywood (this is how I thought of it then) seemingly take on a life of their own and fall into me. I pressed with all my might and was utterly helpless…and it raised a fear in me I had not experienced at that time. The entire “pile” knocked me over onto the gravel floor, all 10 or 15 or however many sheets there were, on top of me. Those suckers were heavy! It was the first time I’d felt so utterly helpless…and it felt so damned weird. I managed to get out from under them no worse for the wear, but that moment remains etched in my mind. I thought back to that later, after the witch told me the above. Also as a kid, I’d read up on the history of witchcraft, but it never really held much interest to me after reading about it…though I did get into it as an interest (not a practitioner) for a while, reading several books on it….

While visiting Maui, in 1998, with my wife, I had the following experience (taken from my diary):

“Nov 14, 1998, 1:36 p.m.

Note: While driving around, had a particularly spiritual experience, like the Manassas one, north of where we were staying [in Maui]. Laura and I drove north, to just inside that one-laned road, and we both felt that this drive felt “weird”! It was overcast, and late in the afternoon, but it was more than that. I again felt like I was straddling two worlds, and I got to thinking: oh boy, am I treading on ground I treaded before? Had Laura and I been alive in another life, past or future, here? Maybe had I been a spiritual kahuna? Had I died here in some ritual or war? It was verrrrrrrry weird….”

As much as I very much loved visiting Maui…I have absolutely no desire to  permanently live there (though am perfectly willing to go back as many times as possible!). Whatever the reason…it seems to stem from the above “weirdness” and finally made total “sense” to me.

Another interesting one is seeing images of me walking in monk-like robes over sand in a far-away (barren) land. I wonder if it’s Australia. I haven’t gotten much from this imagery.

There have been a couple of other possible lives I’ve glimpsed, but none of them are as strong and emotional as the ones mentioned above.

Now…as fascinated as I am by the lives I feel I’ve lived/am living in other realities, I don’t focus my energies so much on finding out all I can about them (i.e., “reliving” them) as in acknowledging them, listening to them when I need to, but focusing my conscious thoughts and efforts to my current existence. Those lives…those consciousnesses are elsewhere…being focused upon by the me that is there…and I need to focus on the me that is here…but acknowledging that my other selves do still exit elsewhere and are every bit as important and real as the me I am, here, writing this. Some of those lives I really don’t want to revisit anyway.

If you keep focusing on the past (or “elsewhere”), you’re never really living in the present.

I feel the important thing about learning about our past lives is that we have them and acknowledge them when we become aware of them. Send them positive energy. I feel in doing this we can enhance their lives…change them, even. Remember I believe in simultaneous lives…not so much past lives. All our lives are ongoing…and this being my belief, I feel we can all help each other out. Make our collective lives better…which therefore helps out our individual “present” lives as well. It’s all energy…and all energy is connected. As we help ourselves out…we’re also helping out everyone else.

So, while it’s cool and interesting to learn about the other lives we live…we still need to focus on our present-day lives (“Over Now,” by Alice in Chains has been playing just now, and “Say Goodbye” just popped up from Theory of a Deadman…). I feel that’s also why many of us cannot remember much about our other lives. Or why we only get bits and pieces. I feel we have built-in filters. We only get what we can “handle”…or only enough “bleed throughs” to remind us who “we are”…but not enough to cause us to focus so heavily on these other lives so as to ignore our current focus. The purpose of having a life is to live it. Live and focus on the things in front of us. That, in turn, helps us all in our overall experience of Life and growth of our soul.

And each of you all have this ability. I bet you’ve all had some weird imagery or experience you can’t readily categorize that fits into the realm of reincarnation or simultaneous lives but have dismissed it as fantasy.

Well, don’t.

Acknowledge it…send it positive, constructive energy when you get such images…and move on. It’s okay if you do ignore it/them…they happened/are happening whether or not you believe it/them…or acknowledge them (you know, given you believe in this stuff…). But they pop into your consciousness for a reason. So, why not give them their due? No one else has to know! It’s just between you and…you. And it doesn’t even matter if you’re misinterpreting what you’re “getting.” Just acknowledge the thought…the idea…it.

So this post is not just about the reincarnation of F. P. Dorchak…it’s also about the reincarnation of you.

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My Ronin/Samurai Life

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Samurai 1890
Samurai 1890 (Photo credit: kamikasineo)

In 1997, I went for a future life progression. I thought I ‘d try something new, something different, considering you usually only hear about regressions—at least for myself, I had never heard of a progression—checking out for possible future lives. What happened next took me totally by surprise. One could say (as I did during the whole experience…) I was making it all up…but, it’s still a fascinating tale, and one I’ve incorporated into my supernatural murder mystery I’m considering publishing through Amazon’s CreateSpace.

Note (November 20, 2013): I have since released the above “consideration” as The Uninvited. It’s available both as an e-book and a paperback! This event has been incorporated into the novel.

Well, you decide. Below is the largely unedited (I kept it as I originally wrote it) account of my possible ronin existence (“Karen” was the hypnotherapist):

April 28, 1997

Note (5:57 p.m.):  Had my session with Karen just now (4-5:30 p.m.)–and she tricked me!  Well, it was very interesting.  She allowed me to go where I wanted, or needed, to go and I did my normal meditation thing of shapes and colors, and saw the image of a “lying down” oriental structure.  So we went with that.  Now, I didn’t always “see” anything, but more felt things.  I had visual images without the images, is the only way to describe it, though sometimes I did see images.  And I got the session on tape.  Apparently, and this is news to me, I do have a life in Oriental culture, as much as I’ve not been interested in it now (well, that may change…).  Remember that as I describe lots of this stuff, its not like I’m actually there, like I am, writing this, it was more of images and feelings.  Visual-but-nonvisual senses.  The entire time, I felt like I was making it up.  Here’s what I got:  we started off with this person, a warrior-philosopher, enjoying a sunrise.  He (me!) stood on a cliff that overlooked/had a view to Mount Fuji (?!), on a coastline.  It was a beautiful sunrise, and I felt so at one with myself and life.  Felt calm and powerful.  The age of 33 came to mind, but when she asked me what year, I was totally unconcerned (the year was a nonissue to me; I was there to do something, and that’s all), though later 1715 or so came to mind.  1700?  1735?  I had told her I don’t care what year it is, that it doesn’t matter to me.  I wore a heavy, stiff (kinda felt the stiffness) overgarment over white undergarments.  Karen asked for more details but I told her it didn’t really matter to me.  The color was something like red or brown–or a combination of the two.  On the upper portions of the garment was a gold swath of some width–a sash?–across the upper shoulders, and the entire outfit was ornate, the gold embroidered.  Wore sandals of leather–and/or wood?  Had my sword.  My hair was black, and ponytailed in some fashion–two ponytails?  Didn’t feel like it was too long, but shoulder length or so.  I’m powerful and confident, a good fighter, but don’t like the fighting.  It’s a means to an end.  I’m really a philosopher-teacher.  I became a warrior out of “necessity.”  I felt I had much to teach (but also to learn) and had I publicly came out with my views I would have been killed.  So I became a warrior and took to solitude and travel.  I was very good at being a warrior.  The name that came to mind immediately was something like:  Kioshu/Kiashu/Kiushu?  I seem to lean toward the first spelling though.  In looking up in the dictionary, I find that there’s an island in SW Japan called Kyushu, or Kiushu.  So am I picking up on a name or the island?  I feel it’s actually the name I had gotten, because when Karen asked for my name that was the immediate thing that came to my mind, I mean I didn’t even have time to doubt or think “gee, now I have to come up with a name!”.  Fucking incredible.  I consider myself journeying–that wherever I am I’m just visiting–philosophically as well as physically–journeying through life, and this is but a stop for me.  I seem to live alone, in a low, squat, meager dwelling of light-brown wood.  Behind the dwelling (where I stand) are colorful flowers and vegetation against the building.  There’s a dirt/stone? path leading back to the house.  Karen asked if I ate breakfast, and I got something about fish and vegetables–carrots?  And something like “rice wine” to drink.  As I stand with my back to the cliff, and face the house, off to my right is an incline into the lush and heavily vegetated mountains, which I find so beautiful.  There is no real path.  In the distance are high mountains with low cloud cover.  I love it here.  I take to this incline and walk, with only the clothes on me and my sword, and maybe a small pouch to my left front.  Money?  I feel it is my mission in life to help those that seek me out–but also for me to learn.  I just go off in journey and take what comes or is attracted.  I’m very knowledgeable and intelligent (Karen brought this up; she said I seem to be intelligent in this personality).  Eventually, I come to an ancient temple hidden along this path (and feel this is one of the reason I’ve come to live here; it’s extremely secluded and hidden).  The temple is tall, but narrow.  Abandoned.  I stand before it and smile.  Amused.  I think:  good effort [for children].  I understand why the temple was built.  I feel that those that had built this, as do all peoples, make the best attempts at understanding life, so, though however misguided, it is the intent toward understanding and bettering life that counts.  I do not agree with the belief systems of the time and area, and feel it is my chosen “task” to help others understand, and that my being a warrior is a “necessary compromise” to further my purposes.  I continue on.  Along this path I had images of conflict and battle, but did not engage in any.  I am a teacher, to teach whoever’ll listen and needs help–I teach whatever they come to learn–it’s different with each person.  I also learn.  Karen asked what lesson did/do I learn in Kioshu’s life, and I said there was more than one, but a sanctity of life was one.  That, as I stated, “agreements” to kill had been made so my “greater good” could come across.  I also mentioned something about liking the feel of physical objects, like my sword–not in using it to kill, but in its inherent feel, its use in practice.  There’s just a certain feel of steel and sword.  I draw a metaphor between the sword and life:  that life and the sword are double-edged.  It is the intent of the wielder that makes life–or the sword–what it is.

Karen then has me jump ahead in time to the next point of significant interest in my life.  I am now 35.  I am in the middle of battling two bandits/warriors.  I seem to be protecting peasants in the field behind me.  I have conflicting emotions (and actually felt this as I talked to Karen; felt emotion well up within me):  I feel emotional about helping the peasants, feel love for them–but also for those I will have to kill.  I am frustrated that these men are doing what they are doing–don’t they understand they need not do this?  There is no need for anger and greed!  There is a third man behind them, on a (large?) horse, with a bow and arrow–he seems to also be dressed like me.  He watches us.  I also feel anger against these warriors, and with an utter sense of confidence and cockiness, feel, fine, if you’re gonna fuck with me, then you’re gonna die, and I kill them (during this fight, there was a bright, intense “splotch” that brought me out of the trance, and I opened my eyes, but Karen had me go back under.  I found the images were still there, and continued:).  Before I killed the attackers, there was never any doubt I’d win–me dying never entered my mind.  But as I stand there, I look to the horseman, and he looks back.  I sense that he wants to fire at me–but for some reason… doesn’t.  He says nothing.  All he does is calmly turn his horse away, and walk the beast away from us without turning to look back.  I am greatly saddened.  These people–including those I have killed (for a short time, anyway)–will only see the exterior actions and not realize that I have not really killed any one.  Will not understand the philosophical ramifications.  I want to tell the peasants what has really gone on here, but am frustrated because I know they will not understand–and I am a teacher, dammit, it’s my job, my passion, to teach.  I grow weary with the killing, but still choose to continue my way because I feel I still have things to do before I “go.”  Don’t know why I choose not to fight–except that “greater good” argument.

As I wondered if I made it all up or it was real, one thing kept nagging at me:  it emotionally and intuitively feels like me.

Sept 3, 1999

Note (10:30 p.m.):  Just had a weird thing happen.  Was watching a couple-year-old rerun of Sightings, and they were talking about a Japanese lake monster called Ishii, in Lake Akida (couldn’t find this spelling, also from the TV, but found “Ikeda,” and it does talk about a lake monster…), on the island of Kyushu, which is about 1000 miles from Tokyo.  They showed this scene, from above the lake, on a cliff, and in the distance was a mountain (Fuji?)–and it looked exactly like what I’d seen in my warrior vision.  I may look into this a little more!  Reference April 28, 1997 dream entry, “Note” for 5:57 p.m.

May 23, 2001

I noticed many months ago, while doing research and talking with a martial arts instructor that he had the term “Kyoshi” before his name.  I wonder if that’s what I picked up on, in terms of a “name”….

January 18, 2006

As I wrote out an e-mail to a friend of mine about my meeting with another hypnotherapist, “Sydney,” (January 17, 2006, 11 a.m. to noon), it occurred to me that when I went in for that life progression session with Karen, and got the past life regression, instead, it might also give more fuel for me that this is my last physical incarnation, hence there was nothing in the future for me!  And yesterday I thought that perhaps all my 3D-motion issues might actually stem from my perceived WWII crash-and-burn life.  Sydney asked what I thought might have been my previous life, and I told her I’d had thoughts that I might have lived and died during WWII, as a bomber aircrew member, perhaps a tail gunner.  Additionally, I told her I’d had images of being pulled apart by horses in some “court,” which I’d been thinking might be related to this or another Japanese life death, when it also dawned on me that perhaps…it might have been a Mongolian life.  Ever since researching Genghis Khan’s life, I’ve found pictures of the area of upper Mongolia very comforting and familiar.  And that particular death does seem more in keeping with that life. Perhaps my soul really does like elements of drama, given my perceived lives and their deaths….

So…had I made this all up? Was it a past life that I’d been ignoring that had finally leaked through into my consciousness? All I can tell you is that it all seemed pretty damned real at the time.

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