F. P. Dorchak

Speculative Fiction (New Weird) Author

Fun

Going Indie — What I've Learned (So Far) — Quit Askin For Stuff!

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Okay, so this is what I’ve learned over the past couple of years of what promotion I’ve been able to do for my novels:

  1. Stop asking for things!
  2. Creating “events”? Only for romance authors and/or people (aka “women”) with friends!

All the conferences and discussions I’ve had about what to do or not do in the promotion of one’s work usually hits upon the above two immutables. “Immutables” because I’ve always heard that you should always ask for readers to write reviews and that in getting book signings, one should create an “event” and not just sit around like a bump on a log.

Well, I’ve tried to employ both of these directives. And in both cases I’ve: 1) felt cheap and telemarket-y, b) felt more than I really am, as in do I fancy myself a “Rick Castle“?, and lastly…have been overruled by the location-in-question.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

  1. In today’s Day and Age, if people like your work, they’ll volunteer or actually just do the review. It’s a thing now, for chrissakes. Everyone reviews everything. They review the weather, their relationships, their own reviews. I’ve found that if I’ve e-mailed the question, people who don’t want to review your work will simply avoid the question altogether. Yup, they’ll just ignore you. It’s like my wife asking me to clean out the garage (again). If you ask face-to-face, “Sure,” they say they will…as their tone drops and they don’t look you in the eye and scratch behind an ear (or check their Galaxy Samsung for sudden phantom messages–“Hey, gotta take this text!“)…and you feel cheap for having had to ask. So, quit frigging asking for reviews! Okay, fine. I hated asking for them anyway.
  2. Events?! Who the <expletive> wants to come to an “event” to buy a book? In fact, who the hell wants to be in any way bothered by that guy or gal behind the imposing desk with a saccharin smile on their scared little face? Nobody knows how to write anymore—so a signed book? What does that even mean? If they want anything signed (“Uh, do you mean that verified/trusted electronic security certificate thingee?“) they’ll either swoop down from behind your position and shove an iPad into your face…or they’ll go to the quiet book shelves deep within the inner Sanctum Sanctorum of the store…find your book…then search Amazon or Nook and download it—thank you very much, Signing Person, for bringing it to my attention! Now, go—get thee away from me and leave me alone—I’ll go find it elsewhere and NOT have to physically interact with you…but, um, I will tweet I walked by your table (unless you’re off-the-charts hot or are a famous Romance Author with chocolate or brownies and a frigging rose-in-a-vase on your oh-so-cutely decored table)…. #AuthorAvoidance.
  3. It seems that most of the locations I can get into are small and cozy. I get that. Heck, I even really like that. I’m not into pomp and circumstance and never have been. Local bookstores do like to cater to the local author and will do what they can, but: 1) they’re small…they don’t have enough room for “events,” 2) they’re cozy and their clientele like “cozy”…they don’t do things that annoy cozy, and 3) see 1 and 2. Cozy is good. I like cozy! Why are you bothering me with these “event” questions?! What—my own? Maybe not. Locations that do do “events” are Big Box. I’ve never yet gotten into a Big Box. I don’t sell enough. I don’t have enough friends (keeping reading).
  4. Who the heck do I think I am, anyway? Richard Castle?

And as I’ve further considered the above items-of-interest, I’ve realized that I’d never heard any of these things uttered from, well—don’t shoot me, now—a guy.

Yes, a guy.

There, I’ve said it.

I’m not one of those who hammer on gender differences (am not a fan of those who do), but this really is quite pronounced and can be proven in a court of law. I’ve heard these directions uttered from legions of female authors (and most writers/authors I know are women…um, as are the agents, the editors, and well, you get the picture…). Usually somehow affiliated or associated with romance (friends, Romans, or Country…women…).

Now, don’t get me wrong, I always say more power to the author who can sell any of their wares, especially on a recurring basis. But, these romance authors are writing to an audience that is, well, there really is no other term for it—rabid—about their world. Their genre. <Expletive>, their authors! So, it comes as no shock to me that “creating events” and asking their readers to review their work is not out of line.

In fact, I was at a conference once (I wasn’t) and had seen (as far as you know…) where a romance author was in conversation with a rabid reader fan (RRF), had (“casually”) brought up the subject of reviews, and before the author had completed her sentence, the RRF had shouted “Done!“, arms thrust high into the air (nearly dislocating her shoulders—I saw the tears creeping out her right eye), one hand holding her Nokia like a Crusaders’ sword, shouting,”Reviewed! 5,000 likes!”

Or maybe I didn’t. Can’t remember. The Fog of Conference.

As to the having tons of friends part, that also is usually tied to women.

Sure, you say, guys have friends.

No. Not really. We don’t.

We have buddies.

There’s a difference. Guys don’t flock en masse to anything that doesn’t involve beer or sports, and still, we don’t “flock” and we don’t “attend events.” We just all happen to end up at the same place. At once. To drink beer. Yell. Fart, belch, and slap each other (briefly) on the shoulder and move on to the next beer. Quote sports stats. Where’s the BBQ?

Women are supportive of each other.

Men drink beer. Eat grilled meat.

So all this only works if you’re a woman, a romance author, or have tons of friends.

Or are Richard Castle.

Related articles

Going Indie — What I’ve Learned (So Far) — Quit Askin For Stuff!

by

Okay, so this is what I’ve learned over the past couple of years of what promotion I’ve been able to do for my novels:

  1. Stop asking for things!
  2. Creating “events”? Only for romance authors and/or people (aka “women”) with friends!

All the conferences and discussions I’ve had about what to do or not do in the promotion of one’s work usually hits upon the above two immutables. “Immutables” because I’ve always heard that you should always ask for readers to write reviews and that in getting book signings, one should create an “event” and not just sit around like a bump on a log.

Well, I’ve tried to employ both of these directives. And in both cases I’ve: 1) felt cheap and telemarket-y, b) felt more than I really am, as in do I fancy myself a “Rick Castle“?, and lastly…have been overruled by the location-in-question.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

  1. In today’s Day and Age, if people like your work, they’ll volunteer or actually just do the review. It’s a thing now, for chrissakes. Everyone reviews everything. They review the weather, their relationships, their own reviews. I’ve found that if I’ve e-mailed the question, people who don’t want to review your work will simply avoid the question altogether. Yup, they’ll just ignore you. It’s like my wife asking me to clean out the garage (again). If you ask face-to-face, “Sure,” they say they will…as their tone drops and they don’t look you in the eye and scratch behind an ear (or check their Galaxy Samsung for sudden phantom messages–“Hey, gotta take this text!“)…and you feel cheap for having had to ask. So, quit frigging asking for reviews! Okay, fine. I hated asking for them anyway.
  2. Events?! Who the <expletive> wants to come to an “event” to buy a book? In fact, who the hell wants to be in any way bothered by that guy or gal behind the imposing desk with a saccharin smile on their scared little face? Nobody knows how to write anymore—so a signed book? What does that even mean? If they want anything signed (“Uh, do you mean that verified/trusted electronic security certificate thingee?“) they’ll either swoop down from behind your position and shove an iPad into your face…or they’ll go to the quiet book shelves deep within the inner Sanctum Sanctorum of the store…find your book…then search Amazon or Nook and download it—thank you very much, Signing Person, for bringing it to my attention! Now, go—get thee away from me and leave me alone—I’ll go find it elsewhere and NOT have to physically interact with you…but, um, I will tweet I walked by your table (unless you’re off-the-charts hot or are a famous Romance Author with chocolate or brownies and a frigging rose-in-a-vase on your oh-so-cutely decored table)…. #AuthorAvoidance.
  3. It seems that most of the locations I can get into are small and cozy. I get that. Heck, I even really like that. I’m not into pomp and circumstance and never have been. Local bookstores do like to cater to the local author and will do what they can, but: 1) they’re small…they don’t have enough room for “events,” 2) they’re cozy and their clientele like “cozy”…they don’t do things that annoy cozy, and 3) see 1 and 2. Cozy is good. I like cozy! Why are you bothering me with these “event” questions?! What—my own? Maybe not. Locations that do do “events” are Big Box. I’ve never yet gotten into a Big Box. I don’t sell enough. I don’t have enough friends (keeping reading).
  4. Who the heck do I think I am, anyway? Richard Castle?

And as I’ve further considered the above items-of-interest, I’ve realized that I’d never heard any of these things uttered from, well—don’t shoot me, now—a guy.

Yes, a guy.

There, I’ve said it.

I’m not one of those who hammer on gender differences (am not a fan of those who do), but this really is quite pronounced and can be proven in a court of law. I’ve heard these directions uttered from legions of female authors (and most writers/authors I know are women…um, as are the agents, the editors, and well, you get the picture…). Usually somehow affiliated or associated with romance (friends, Romans, or Country…women…).

Now, don’t get me wrong, I always say more power to the author who can sell any of their wares, especially on a recurring basis. But, these romance authors are writing to an audience that is, well, there really is no other term for it—rabid—about their world. Their genre. <Expletive>, their authors! So, it comes as no shock to me that “creating events” and asking their readers to review their work is not out of line.

In fact, I was at a conference once (I wasn’t) and had seen (as far as you know…) where a romance author was in conversation with a rabid reader fan (RRF), had (“casually”) brought up the subject of reviews, and before the author had completed her sentence, the RRF had shouted “Done!“, arms thrust high into the air (nearly dislocating her shoulders—I saw the tears creeping out her right eye), one hand holding her Nokia like a Crusaders’ sword, shouting,”Reviewed! 5,000 likes!”

Or maybe I didn’t. Can’t remember. The Fog of Conference.

As to the having tons of friends part, that also is usually tied to women.

Sure, you say, guys have friends.

No. Not really. We don’t.

We have buddies.

There’s a difference. Guys don’t flock en masse to anything that doesn’t involve beer or sports, and still, we don’t “flock” and we don’t “attend events.” We just all happen to end up at the same place. At once. To drink beer. Yell. Fart, belch, and slap each other (briefly) on the shoulder and move on to the next beer. Quote sports stats. Where’s the BBQ?

Women are supportive of each other.

Men drink beer. Eat grilled meat.

So all this only works if you’re a woman, a romance author, or have tons of friends.

Or are Richard Castle.

Related articles

Voice Delivered…

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Plain Brown Wrapper: First Set of Voice Delivery, Sept 14, 2015
Plain Brown Wrapper: First Set of Voice Delivery, Sept 14, 2015

When I got the package of the first set of books for my new release, Voice, I just had to share, for it was not in the least lost on me the irony of its delivery: in a plain brown wrapper.

Is that still a “thing” in today’s world?

Well, I laughed.

The Naughty Little Book: What's Inside The Plain Brown Wrapper!
The Naughty Little Book: What’s Inside The Plain Brown Wrapper!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Cheese and The Town of Chateaugay, New York

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McCadam Cheese Store, Chateaugay, New York, July 16, 2015
McCadam Cheese Store, Chateaugay, New York, July 16, 2015

After visiting the Saint Patrick Cemetery, my stepmom and I did a little “tour” of the town of Chateaugay itself. It being a during a work day, it was quite deserted. There’s the town proper, then there’s also lower Chateaugay River, where a few other places, like the Hollywood Restaurant are (great restaurant, great view of the Chateaugay River, where we watched some people boat right off the river to the restaurant!).

Anyway, we stopped in Chateaugay proper to see what we could check out, but not much was open–the library and town offices were all closed. We did visit an antique store, called Ann-Tique Anny, but the “funny” thing we visited was…a cheese store!

McCadam Cheese Industrial Works, Chateaugay, New York, July 16, 2015
McCadam Cheese Industrial Works, Chateaugay, New York, July 16, 2015

Yes, the venerable North Country actually has its own brand of nationally (internationally?) known cheese: McCadam cheese! I’ve seen this cheese in stores out where I presently live, in Colorado, but I had forgotten all about their location until my stepmom, the ex-Franklin Country Clerk and Recorder (who knows everything about everything-upstate New York) took me for a drive!

This just made me laugh and smile…while not an official connoisseur of The Cheeses, I am quite the fan of The Cheeses.

Yes, cheese is almost like candy to me.

“You people” like your chocolates and sweeties and whatnots, and me and my people like our swisses and chedders and goudas. “You people” reach for milk chocolate…we reach for brie.

Sn-ap!

McCadam Cheese "Oz Scarecrow" Sign, Chateaugay, New York, July 16, 2015
McCadam Cheese “Oz Scarecrow” Sign, Chateaugay, New York, July 16, 2015

Yeah. I’m out of the Cheese Closet.

I know there are others out there…so join me in our own “rainbow” of hope…our “cheesebow,” if you will. Be proud!

Okay, enough Cheese Pride.

So, forgotten, had I, about McCadam and the North Country—I mean, I did know there was a cheese factory somewhere out here, but it was kinda cool to be reminded of it and to actually arrive at the very factory where its cheeses are made.

Well, okay, the outlet store, if you wanna get technical.

But we did drive past all the agro-industrial stuff on the way in, so one could saaay that…yeah…I’d actually been to the factory.

Kinda.

Okay, near it.

Show Us Your Sign! McCadam Cheese, Chateaugay, New York, July 16, 2015
Show Us Your Sign! McCadam Cheese, Chateaugay, New York, July 16, 2015

I loved the small-town atmosphere of the store, from the neat, folksy signs (I don’t like the term “signage”…it’s not a word, we already had a word before it came along, this new word is longer than it needs to be, so let’s stop using it!), and just the whole North Country general store thing. I like general stores. You just never know what you’re gonna find in them. In more populated locales general stores are called your Wal-Marts and Costcos, but in the less populated, rural and boondocky locations, yeah, they’re “general stores,” and I love em! They’re small, cozy, and personable.

So, we shopped around…I looked at cheese…bought a black cherry soda (in a bottle!)…and my stepmom bought gardening boots. We both had a pleasant conversation with the lady at the register, and of course she and my stepmom knew some of the same people.

Cause that’s how we roll in the North Country.

Every time I go out in public with my dad and stepmom it’s like being out with movie stars. They know everyone and everyone knows them.

Lots of Cornmeal For Scrubbing! McCadam Cheese, Chateaugay, New York, July 16, 2015
Lots of Cornmeal For Scrubbing! McCadam Cheese, Chateaugay, New York, July 16, 2015

So, out we exited, me with my black cherry bev-er-age and my stepmom with her flowered rubber boots, and we headed to our next destination: Morningside Cemetery, in Malone.

My stepmom knows how to show a guy a good time.

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A Walk on the W!ld Side!

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The W!ld Center, Tupper Lake, New York, July 14, 2015
The W!ld Center, Tupper Lake, New York, July 14, 2015

On July 14, 2015, during my vacation to upstate New York, I made a trip to Tupper Lake, New York’s The W!ld Center, which is a natural history museum of upstate New York. Here are directions to the place. Their mission is to “Ignite an enduring passion for the Adirondacks where people and nature can thrive together and set an example for the world.” This is a really cool place that details life in the Adirondacks, from past to present. It is comprised of inside-naturalist-museum-stuff and an outside walk-through-the-woods stuff. At the museum there’s even a cafe that abuts a pond at sitting level, which is really cool! I’d wanted to visit this place for the past couple of years (it opened in 2004), but what really got my interest, was a new exhibit, called the “W!ld Walk.”

The W!ld Walk is an elevated platform, as high as 25 feet above the forest floor. It has various informative and kid-fun “stations” to visit that highlight various aspects of the Adirondack woodlands (see gallery, below). It’s a different perspective on the whole naturalist walk. My stepmom and I had fun visiting all the stations and gazing out over the forest below us. It was quite busy, and I heartily recommend a visit here!

 

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Donnelly’s Corners 2015 (fpdorchak.wordpress.com)

 

Donnelly’s Corners 2015

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Donnelly's Corners, July 14, 2015
Donnelly’s Corners, July 14, 2015

The first stop on my trip to upstate New York, the week of July 13th, 2015 was Donnelly’s Corners Soft ice Cream, at the corner of State Route 86 and 186, between Saranac Lake and Lake Clear (the address is 1564 State Route 86, Saranac Lake, New York). No trip to upstate New York is complete without a stop here! I wrote about Donnelly’s on my trip last year, so see that post for more in-depth information.

Know it. Love it. Donnelly's Corners Soft Ice Cream Flavor Schedule, 2015
Know it. Love it. Donnelly’s Corners Soft Ice Cream Flavor Schedule, 2015

Last year I arrived at Donnelly’s on a Tuesday, and this year turned out to be no exception! Tuesday means the two-flavor twister is vanilla and either red or black raspberry. Black raspberry and vanilla are my favorite Donnelly’s flavors! This was not planned, but worked out beautifully!

Donnelly’s consistently gets great reviews. Check out the Yelp pages.

Donnelly's Corners is a Very Special Place. Upstate New York Registry of Very Special Places, July, 2015.
Donnelly’s Corners is a Very Special Place. Upstate New York Registry of Very Special Places, July, 2015.

They’re open 11 a.m. to 9:30 p.m. The shack closes down after Labor Day weekend.

Donnelly’s Corners is also on the registry of “Very Special Places” in upstate New York.

So, you have the rest of the summer! Make at least one stop at this iconic upstate New York landmark! I’ve been going to it since the 1960s! There is no better ice cream!

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A Trip Through Time (fpdorchak.wordpress.com)

Donnelly’s Corners (fpdorchak.wordpress.com)