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F. P. Dorchak

Speculative Fiction (New Weird) Author

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The Night Gallery

Allergies

June 10, 2016 by fpdorchak

Gesundheit. (Image by James Gathany, CDC Public Health Image library ID 11162 [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons).
Gesundheit. (Image by James Gathany, CDC Public Health Image library ID 11162 [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons).

This is a dark little ditty inspired by my sudden discovery one day that I’d apparently developed an allergy. I’d never had any allergies before.

In the mid-to-late 80s and the early 90s, while living in Colorado Springs, I’d driven up to Denver on a weekly basis to attend a writer’s critique group. I no longer attend the critique group, but am still part of the writer’s organization, Rocky Mountain Fiction Writers. At one member’s home, where we met, was a cat. It was literally something like 20 years old. That’s another story. Anyway, I used to  let it sit on my lap while there, with nary “a problem.”

Then—like a light switch—one day I noticed all this sniffling and watery eyes.  I’d thought I was coming down with a cold, but as I drove home…the farther and farther I got away from the house…all symptoms disappeared.

Long story short, I realized that the cat was doing it to me…or more to the point…I’d developed a fricking feline allergy, where before there had been none! Just like that.

How do these things happen?!

You might well ask that of this story. It ain’t pretty…though it has…well, “heart” (again—not in the way you’re expecting)….

This story had been returned by Thin Ice, because it was too much like a previous story they’d published. It’s not that they didn’t like it…they’d just already published something similar.

So…this story has never seen the light of day—or a handkerchief.

Allergies

© F. P. Dorchak, 1993

            “Gesundheit.”

“Thank you.”

“So how long have you had this…allergy?” Dana asked, bound to a chair by thick cords of rope that angrily bit into his skin. It was a dark, dank enclosure, and there was an oil lamp on the table in front of him as the only source of illumination. The crypt stank of expected graveyard mustiness and its darkness bore down about his shoulders like several tons of dead weight. Dripping echoed everywhere.

Dana knew there had to be bodies hidden behind those shadows. Lots of dead bodies.

Knew it.

“Since, well, since I was a kid, really,” his captor replied.

“And how do you know it’s not all just in your mind, you know, like psychosomatic or something—”

“Because. Just because.”

The shadowy figure again sneezed.

From their earlier introductions Dana had found his captor’s name to be Reed. Nothing else, just Reed. He’d been polite enough when they had first met, just inside the mausoleum’s heavy, wooden door…and just before Reed had whipped out that club and politely cranked him over the head with it.

“Oh, come on, that’s no answer! You mean you’re going to kill me—just because?”

Reed looked away before answering.

“No. Because I’ve done…things…you know?”

Exasperated, Dana tried to twist away.

And all this because of some stupid-ass frat prank.

It was just supposed to have been a gag. A harmless prank. He was supposed to go into this “haunted” graveyard (of which the haunter now stood across from him), knock over a few gravestones, then paint his name and date on the inside wall of the entrance-way to this crypt.

Curiously he recalled how he had not seen any other names (or dates) on those walls…

And that’s where his troubles had only begun.

Reed.

A psychotic of some sort who thought he had the ultimate allergy….

“Okay, okay, so you have this fucking allergy—”

“—I don’t know when it all began, really,” Reed said, oblivious to Dana. “It was almost like it happened overnight. Just like that. At one moment I didn’t have it, then the next, boom, it was there. The allergy. I had become allergic to everyone. People. Life. Animals. Anything that lived, breathed, or grew.”

Dana rolled his eyes. Continued with his struggle to free himself. This guy was definitely out there, all right, and this clearly wasn’t his first kidnapping. He was too calm, almost rehearsed, and he had him tied tight. Good and tight.

“Then…I don’t know…I began doing things—”

“What things, already!”

Reed shot a quick look over to Dana, then got up. Lost in thought, he wandered over to one of the darkened recesses and remained there in silence.

Dana heard him inhale. He must have been here a long time, he thought.

Sure, there’d been stories of folks disappearing around this cemetery over the years, but he’d never quite believed them.

Until now, that is.

Maybe there was more to this guy than he’d really cared to believe.

Reed sneezed.

“I began killing…cats…mostly. Some dogs, too, though only the smaller ones at first. The larger dogs scared me—then—but no longer. Nothing scares me anymore.”

Reed turned to face Dana, but Dana couldn’t see his features. He had the curious feeling that he was smiling back at him.

Then Reed suddenly shot out of the darkness and flew across the room directly into Dana’s face.

Dana tensed, and for the first time since his abduction actually became scared. Up to now he thought this might still have all been part of his initiation…more of that frat-joke-thing…but not now, as he looked back into Reed’s crazed eyes and realized that this guy just might be the stuff of those stories—and more. What he saw, was no fear. No joke. What he saw

Was death.

“C’mon, man, let me go, enough’s enough. Look, I got inside, okay? Can’t we just settle it at that?”

Reed whipped about dizzyingly fast and gripped Dana’s face in one of his bony, but incredibly strong, hands. Dana felt the grit that came with that hand and embedded itself into his face.

He was certain that grit didn’t come from topside.

And Reed’s breath smelled most foul as their faces came nose to nose. Words hit Dana like a sucker punch.

“Look, here—you don’t know just how fucked you really are. Because you came here, I have to kill you. Have to! I have no other choice!”

Reed relaxed his grip and dropped his hand. Continued pacing the room.

“I have no anger towards you,” Reed said, “I have no emotion one way or the other, really. Hell,” Reed said, sneezing and wiping away trails of snot from his face, “I don’t feel a damned thing for or against any one person that walks across the face of this earth! Nothing.”

Coming to a halt, Reed composed himself and retreated back into the darkened confines just outside the oil lamp’s boundaries.

Dana heard the squeak of a chair as he visualized Reed sitting down in it and tried to spit out the grit that had gotten caught in the corners of his mouth. He tried to take his mind off of wherever that dirt might have come from, but found it hard to do so. He already felt like he was in his own grave and that didn’t sit well with him at all.

“Yeah, back then I had fear all right, all sorts of fear,” came the disembodied voice from the darkness. “So I used to grab the little dogs, the little cats. I used to grab ’em—” Reed’s hands projected out from the darkness and Dana could see how knotted up they were…fists clenched so tight they shook violently with tension.

“Grabbed ’em. Use to grab ’em I did. That annoying little bitch of a dog from next door was the first to go. A fucking Chihuahua. Yap-yap-yap all day long…all night long. Yap-yap-fucking-yap.

“So I took care of the little fucker. Took care of my mother’s cat. Those damned little noisy birdies, too. I took care of them all, I did, and I found out I liked it. Oh, it wasn’t that I hated all I killed—except for that little Chihuahua bitch—no, just that I liked what it was I was doing.

“Robbing each thing of its life.

“The feeling of undeniable power involved. My undeniable power.

“But you have to understand me…it wasn’t me, not really. It wasn’t until later that I realized something was different about me when I killed. Within me. It was like it wasn’t really me doing all this stuff, this killing, you know. Not the me-me, the right-here-and-now me that you see—no, it was like there was another aspect of me that was doing it. A ghost-me from some other dimension that took over. Like the I-me I knew was just sitting there, along for the ride, so to speak. Helpless. A captive passenger, if you will.

“Shit, sure, you say, everybody kills cats. Bugs. But I was different, I tell you.”

Reed again came forward from the darkness and was ready to say something, when he unexpectedly broke out into a severe bout of sneezing and wheezing.

Dana again took some of it in the face, but Reed kept his distance and sneezed violently several times more, his entire body shaking and convulsing.

Reed retreated back into the shadows. As Dana looked at the stuff that clung to his clothes, he noticed how it seemed to have a peculiar iridescence to it.

“Damn. Excuse me. Sometimes this stuff hits me really hard. Let me get some of that off you.” Reed rushed over, and rather hurriedly, swiped away most of the phlegm that had covered Dana.

Dana stared back, speechless.

For all the sneezing and wheezing that had been going on, Dana could tell that there actually was something different about him. He could feel it now. It was like there was a cold, dead pocket of air surrounding him. A stillness that reached out and numbed. Horse latitudes, he remembered, curiously. Utter lifelessness. But it was even more than that. It was almost as if he had actually seen another ghost-self of Reed shift aside from his body during the sneezing bout. Like there had been a vague outline that shadowed his every movement that was more than Reed—

Death.

Dana listened, his heart pounding incessantly above the hollow and steady drip-drip of the cavernous reaches of the mausoleum. When Reed next spoke, he could feel the waver of his voice…his entire body…and it unnerved him.

Something about himself was different…definitely not entirely right. He wasn’t sure what it was, but he felt it went beyond fear.

“S-so…what are you going to do with me?”

Reed shook his head. “I told you, already. I think I’ve made myself quite clear on the matter. To you all this is a joke. Fun. A gag, you called it. Well look around you, Dana-boy, I am not joking. Look.”

Reed shot out of the darkness and snatched up the oil lamp before Dana could register what was happening. He held it out high above him and shone it around into the darkness, almost maniacally. Exposing all the dark corners and crevasses Dana had not been able to see into.

Dana gasped.

What was once intangible was now the tangible and stared back at him. He now saw what else he was sharing the room with.

Corpses. Bones. Bodies. Body parts. Man and animal.

He was everywhere surrounded by the unearthed and the decayed…and all of them were tossed about in crazy, contorted positions. They all looked as if they’d been toyed with.

Used.

“Come ooon, man, y-you can’t be serious. You gotta let me go—I won’t tell anyone! Just untie me—I-I-I’ll walk right out of here! P-please, guy, you gotta let me go!”

Reed replaced the lantern on the table and wheezed again as he pulled out the piece of cloth from his pockets. Lowering himself to Dana’s ears, he whispered, “I don’t have to do nothin’.”

Reed backed away and spoke in a more regular tone.

“You forget. I feel nothing toward you, remember? But…I can’t let you go, either. I can feel this other me…he’s around…somewhere…probably already taken over. You’re an allergy to us. Something we don’t need. Something that could bring back other allergens, and we can’t have that.

“You see, when I kill, I don’t need to use weapons. I just hold them. Be near them. You don’t even realize it, but you’ve been dying since I brought you in here. There’s no turning back now. Were you to leave this very minute, you’d still die. It’s…irreversible.”

“W-what?”

“There’s no way I know to reverse it. It’s like a plague. Look at your body. Feel it. You know what I’m saying to be true, even if not now. But very soon. You see, I have no choice. I let you go, you go to others, they try to find out what’s happening to you. If I keep you here, you die anyway. Either way, it’s not pretty. The only thing I can do is kill you. It’s not a sweet death, my curse, but my murder is. It’s the only thing I can do to keep you out of both our miseries.”

“You’re crazy! Let me outta here! Fuckin’ asshole, you’re a crazy-fuckin’-son-of-a-bitch-lunatic-crazy man! There’s no such thing! No such thing!”

Reed turned away. Pulled his chair out into the light, and sat in it. He watched Dana.

Sat and did nothing.

But sneeze.

Do you believe me now? asked the darkness.

I don’t know what to believe. I feel…different.

Of course you do.

How do you know this?

I know.

The darkness surrounded Dana like a suffocating kiss. He didn’t really want to leave it. It felt right to remain where he was. To yield. To give in. To—

The darkness changed. Grew tighter; more oppressive. Then Dana saw it. An even darker spot within the darkness that came toward him. It split open. Dana knew what it was.

A mouth.

Jaws, to be precise.

The mouth had now opened far too wide for him to see the edges any longer, and it quickly came down upon him.

Dana screamed.

Screamed voiceless into the pitch and realized a part of him was already gone.

He didn’t know which part, only that a very real section of what he was, was now gone.

And the pain was incredible.

Unfathomable…like every nerve fiber within him was on fire—lit up. And it didn’t go away with the demise of the nerve endings, but started over.

Regenerated.

Redistributed.

And the jaws came down again. And again…and with each new time brought yet another searing bolt of agony that fired through him, as still yet another part of him was ripped away.

Chunks were torn from him.

Not just flesh.

Jagged, diseased jaws scooped out his insides and took out the essentials of what it was he was.

Ate his identity.

His life’s core.

Do you believe me now?

Dana stirred.

Lifted his head.

Dizzy…he was disoriented. Felt desiccated…nothing but a husk of his former self.

And his body responded differently….

“W-what?”

“I asked you if you believed me now. That you’re dying.”

Dana twisted his head up towards the voice. Felt extremely stiff, unable to control his limbs. He didn’t know how long he had been out, just that he had been trying to do something really, really weird…like feel his skin…get inside his nerves. He was indeed weaker…felt it…there was no longer any doubt about that.

He was a wilting flower hidden away in a dank cave miles below the earth’s surface.

Reed got up and brought something over to him.

A mirror.

Even in the dim illumination, Dana could quite clearly see that the wrinkled and withered face that stared back at him was his own.

“I-I refuse…”

“It’s okay. It’s okay to refuse. Everyone does. That’s why I have to kill. Put them out of their misery. Mine. Rid myself of their allergens. I guess it’s the last human decency about me, even though I try not to care too much about it. It’s just like another thing I have to do. I don’t pretend to understand it, I just do it. Like watching the deaths as the other-me does them. And some of the dead I keep, just for a little while, you know, and some—well…some…they come back to me.”

Dana looked up. “Come…come back?”

“I really am sorry. Really. You’re not a bad sort. Just in the wrong place at, well, well we all have to go sometime. ‘Cept me. I’m the exception to the rule, I think. I don’t know how it’ll happen to me, if it ever does. But it’s your time.”

“No—no, please, I beg of you, let me go—I’ll do anything!”

Reed shook his head, opened his arms in a gesture of mercy and understanding, and came in to him.

“There’s nothing I can do, friend, really. Nothing…I can do—except this.”

Reed sneezed twice, again splattering Dana’s face and upper chest…then he put his arms around him—

And hugged him fiercely.

“Good bye,” Reed whispered quietly, seductively.

Dana wept into Reed’s shoulders.

Reed withdrew the knife, a long-bladed object, from one of the folds of his garment, and plunged it unhesitatingly through Dana’s back and into his heart.

Dana jerked once, his mouth a perfect “O,” eyes huge as silver dollars.

Reed forced it in deeper and felt the blood spurt out and curl around his hand. It burned his skin.

Dana jerked again. Coughed.

Reed heard the strained and surprised wheeze of air that now whistled through a section of Dana’s punctured lung.

Felt the blood that erupted from Dana’s mouth and soaked through to his own shoulder.

When Reed withdrew the blade he heard Dana sputter several times more as his head cradled up against his ear. Then he got up and backed away from him, placing the knife down carefully on the table. He retrieved his shadowy chair and sat patiently opposite the quickly expiring Dana.

Felt the allergy as it began to drain away like an unclogged drain pipe.

When he was sure that the last of his allergy was finally gone, he got up and left Dana’s body. Left for an adjacent chamber. It would be light soon, and he needed rest. Besides, he didn’t like light.

Had an allergy to it.

Short Story Links

Links to all my posted short stories are here.

 

Filed Under: Short Story, Spooky, To Be Human, Writing Tagged With: Allergen, Allergies, Crypt, Sickness, Tales From The Crypt, Tales From The Darkside, The Night Gallery

Rewrite

May 27, 2016 by fpdorchak

Profound Love. Profound Angst. (Image by Leonid Pasternak [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons)
Profound Love. Profound Angst. (Image by Leonid Pasternak [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons)
This is my newest effort! A brand new short story I was inspired to write April 8th, and wrote April 9th. I’ve since been polishing it (including having Mandy Pratt, my tireless, proofreader/editor, go over it). It’s a dark, troubling tale about what not to do in a relationship.

I was mentally pummeled with the idea while working out at the gym that previous Friday afternoon. This is perhaps the worst time (in my mind) to get inspired to write anything, because, well, I’m working out. I don’t have time to just stop what I’m doing and start scribbling notes for 10 or 15 minutes. It screws up the workout’s momentum, kills the cardio, and puts me in a different frame of mind (I’m in AGF mode at the gym, not Writer Guy mode). But, in this case, I was done with the iron and transitioning into cardio, so I grabbed a pen and paper and scribbled the steady stream of ideas as I used the Elliptical trainer….

This is a story of questionable redemption. This is…#WeirdFiction.

Thanks also go out to Marc Schuster for some literary fiction “technical support,” and to Karen Lin for some “grammatical consultation” on a particularly vexing phrase that I ended up using.

I feel I must also mention Stephen King’s short story “Nona.” This story used to be one of my favorite King short stories. I was not thinking of it when I wrote “Rewrite,” but afterwards the tone of “Rewrite” certainly reminded me of

Do you love?

“Nona.” I have not read “Nona” in something like 15 or 20 years.

So, this is “Rewrite’s” debut! My newest effort! It will be in my short story collection I am planning for release by early 2017.

 

Rewrite

© F. P. Dorchak, 2016

 

Do you love me?

Yes, there were the affairs.

Do you?

The shame.

I can’t live without you.

The disintegration.

How could something that had been so right…so beautiful…turn so hideous, so…obscene?

Whose fault was it?

Does it matter?

 

I was a writer. A literary author, if you must know the truth. Authors are published. Writers aren’t necessarily. I wrote and got paid for it. Rather well, for one in my capacity. But I didn’t want to be like most of my peers, writing about affairs and incest and abuses of substances or the body. I wanted to write about the metaphysics of life. Its philosophy. Things Humanity overwhelmingly thirsted for. Things we could get some use out of…provide application to our daily lives to make them better on a far more expansive scale, thereby improving Humanity’s Collective. Writing about one’s body ink (“tattoo” was far too vulgar a term for my employment) or the evil that men and woman do does not advance the race one bit. Sure, it might be cathartic to the author, stir emotions in the reader, and make both rail against the injustices in the world…but how did it fix anything?

Yes. I wanted to fix Humanity.

So I wrote about hard questions and troubled people. Those looking for something more. Asking and finding answers greater than themselves that transcended societal constraints. Wrote of examinations of the soul and how we can all apply our newfound epiphanies. As a public figure I also attended conferences, spoke at luncheons and banquets. University graduations. Received thunderous applause. Bookers, Faulkners, a Pulitzer. That kind of thing. I say this with no measure of pride. It just was. It was my life.

I’d grown up in a well-to-do family, both parents well-regarded Princeton professors. I attended Princeton and did not disappoint. It seemed writing was what I was born to do. I was born to arrange words and profoundly manipulate their order…able to peer into the hearts and souls of Humanity. Mainly, it seems, those of the long locks and graceful curves (and I did have quite the thing for the ladies)…men, it appeared, were not interested in my words. At least, not straight men. And those were the ones who most sorely needed my words.

I received my doctorate in English, Literary Theory. Conducted writing retreats that quickly became boring. Won many awards that really meant nothing, when you got right down to the writing. The writing stands on its own. It must. To write with honors in mind is to wax mendacious. I cared not for awards. I cared for words. I cared for people.

Like most of the women I met, I met my wife, Emelia, at a literary conference. She was of the aforementioned long locks and graceful curves. Long, dark hair and eyes…eyes that questioned God. She, I’d noticed, had always hung back from the crowds that had gathered around me asking about my sources of inspiration…my deepest, darkest secrets…and whether or not what I’d written had actually happened to me. Many would reach out and touch me, “casually” brush past, while making intended contact. I’m sure they also tried to inhale my scent. But she…this Emelia…would always hang back behind the others who kept trying to get closer and closer…she…kept her distance.

Observed.

I should have paid this greater regard.

We finally met at the conference’s banquet, and my “thing” for other women evaporated. She’d lingered around the table where I sat, one with my name embarrassingly emblazoned upon a tall placard. I invited her to sit in a chair I had secretly “saved” just for her—tipping the chair forward into the table—hoping to again see her. I was incredibly taken by her. Mysteriously so. With some hesitation, she took my offer. We were in bed that night.

We

Do you love me?

married a year later.

I loved her…loved her pain. She was a struggling artist who worked at an art gallery and had read all my work. My work was similar to what she was trying to do with her oils and acrylics. She had a sullen, brooding way about her that belied her desired optimism in Humanity.

Desired.

I deeply loved her.

As our lives progressed, I got more successful, while her artwork languished. But she was good at managing other people’s work…running an art gallery…and perhaps out of some measure of self-pity took the promotions until she was running the gallery when the owner unexpectedly passed.

We talked about it…how it would affect her work…but she’d already taken it. The position. She wanted more and was tired of being left behind. Tired of being…

In my shadow.

Her new position had taken up more and more of her time to the point where she no longer painted. This seemed a more distressing time for me than her. She seemed to fill her days with meetings and luncheons and showings. She’d finally “made it.” On her own.

I couldn’t tell if she was happy…or just occupied.

My schedule grew even busier, and I traveled even more. More speaking engagements, more book tours, and now, film deals—which I fought, though my agent said it was just another way to get my words out there. She said couples go to these films. Couples. That means guys. Straight guys…those who would otherwise never have been exposed to my work. Here was a way to get my message out to an entirely unexplored audience, whether or not they mentally rolled their eyes…consciously or subconsciously they would be receiving my profoundly manipulated words.

So I did them. The film deals.

As I grew busier, my wife also grew busier…and that’s when we began to

Do you love me?

grow apart. Even when we were together, we weren’t…she on her tablet or cell and I on mine. We were both providing our attention to others, not to those with whom we were with. The irony of it all was that we’d both given into these contraptions to get us out from behind our respective businesses

Do you…

to spend more time with each other. I remember one day in particular. I was in contact with my agent, awaiting a response to my next book deal. It was to be my most principal arrangement to date…Emelia and I were sitting in the living room…a fire burning softly…the lights low. She was uncharacteristically not on her tablet. Just staring into the fire, arms comfortably crossed. Quiet. As I attended to another, I heard

“Do you love me?”

I chuckled. “Of course I do!” I said, looking up and casting her an immense, tender smile.

I returned to my agent.

“You’re not growing bored with us? Me?”

I again chuckled as my tablet dinged with the e-mail I had been waiting for and the request for yet more attention.

“Of course not!” I said, amused, as I got to my feet. “I have to take this!” I said to my wife, as I left her sitting alone in our low-lit living room…a romantic fire crackling and sending my shadow across her seated form….

From that point on we rarely seemed to see each other. We’d become more like roommates. We were polite enough, superficially cheerful, even. But, one or the other of us would be too tired for intimacy…or the other had something more pressing to do that would inexplicably materialize and need to be done just then. Someone else needed something. There was always…something…else….

Like energy attracts like energy.

I had my ever-growing conference circuit to attend to. Banquets and book tours. Speaking engagements. Emelia had her gallery showings, her wining and dining of artists and “their people.”

Then, one day, while at another writers conference, I’d received an e-mail from an unknown admirer to my business number. Attached were photos of my wife. Her mouth and hands attached to another.

I excused myself from my table and went outside.

Somehow…somehow…

Do you love me?

Are you bored with me?

…I found myself in my hotel room’s shower with a statuesque woman whose name was “Juliette” or something similarly tragic.

There are no coincidences.

I allowed Juliette her exit…and spent the entirety of the evening sobbing.

I spiraled down from there. Sometimes it’s so much easier to take the wrong path. To feel sorry for oneself. I’d become everything I’d loathed in others…in other’s books. I’d become that novel’s story that everyone loved to read. Loved to hate. That story that fixed nothing.

And I couldn’t stop myself.

I found there were no shortage of women who wanted to “listen”…to…“ease my pain.”

How could I fix Humanity…if I couldn’t fix myself?

And my wife said nothing. Became more withdrawn. We rarely spoke. Our lives had become clinical. Separate. There were times I’d be awoken in the middle of the night by moaning…groaning…in one of our bathrooms…followed by sobbing. And it was during one of those nights that I’d had enough. I had decided to change the course of my story-that-fixed-nothing…to change the course of our lives.

I went to my wife. Found her upon the floor, cradling the toilet and puking up her soul. It seems she was more expressive of her love for me in private.

I begged forgiveness.

Begged to confess all of my sins…to come clean—but she would have nothing of it. She, in turn, begged for mine…just wanted us to start over. To be like we were. How things had been. When we’d been in love.

Once.

Could we—

Do you…

love each other again?

I told her I’d never stopped loving her. I had just become…absent.

We both had.

We spent the rest of the night in each other’s arms.

 

Not long afterward, I was at another engagement, the Keynote Speaker, in fact, when I got the call.

I had just begun my address when I’d suddenly clenched up inside…all my words had seized in my throat, as if a part of my soul had been ripped away.

I couldn’t breathe.

Holding a hand up before myself and my audience, I uncomfortably laughed it off…paused…took a sip of water…found a way to

Do you love me?

continue.

There’s been an accident

Do you…

the voice had said. I collapsed.

It seems my wife…the woman I loved…the love of my life with whom I’d reconnected…had been at a restaurant. They’d all been outside. A car had veered out of the way to avoid hitting another that had run a red light…and

The rest was lost on me.

 

Emelia had come to me that first night.

She’d stood before my bed. Looked at me. Just stared at me as she always did. I looked back to her. I cried. Reached out.

I love you, but the dead can’t return, she said.

I miss you! I cried. I can’t live without you!

I love you, but the dead can’t return, she again said. We can dream…but we cannot return….

And she was gone.

I’d cut off all contact with everyone—my agent, publisher. Family and friends. Women called…came to my door…to comfort me. I sent them all away.

I’d once written a story about a woman who’d died in a car crash. The crash was from a car that had veered out of the way from another…and struck this woman, this fictional character I had created.

For inspiration I’d written it from the point of view as if I’d lost my love. I’d poured all that I thought (at the time) was my heart and soul into what it would have been like….

I…knew…nothing.

I reread it. Cried. Reread it again. I went to my living-room fireplace and started a fire.

Stared into the fire.

Had I killed her?

Had my words? My metaphysics? Had they wielded that much power?

It was but one short story of many.

Coincidence.

But my entire life’s work was about the lack of coincidence in life. How all of life had meaning. Nothing was to be so inconsequentially branded and dismissed as “mere coincidence.” I’d written about lives like these. How my characters had gone on to recreate new lives in the various faces-of-loss….

But my wife was gone.

Forever.

The love of my life.

The woman with whom I’d sinned against…but who had taken me back.

The only hand I’d forever hoped to hold as we grew old together.

She was not some fictional character in a novel.

 

“Do you love me?”

“Of course I do!”

“You’re not growing bored with us? Me?”

“Of course not!”

 

My books…my words…meant nothing.

Only Emelia had meant anything. Everything.

And she was gone.

I brought out the story.

Crumpled it.

Uncrumpled it.

Began to tear it into pieces…when I stopped.

No. There are no coincidences.

I believe this.

 

I rewrote the story.

I rewrote our lives.

Top to bottom. Beginning to end. With what I now know. I slept and relived all that our lives had been…and what it’d meant to me.

Was supposed to have meant to us.

I created a new beginning. A new end. A chance to start over.

As I slept, I again dreamt of Emelia. Of those pictures sent to me of her and that man. Only in the dream, the pictures had come to life. Emelia and the man were sitting there…in the restaurant. Casual. Peers in the art community having a few drinks. A few laughs. Joking around with others in their party. Until they kissed. Long. Lingering. Hands everywhere. The rest of their coalition departed.

When they were done, she’d come to her feet and the man left. Simply left.

She turned to me.

But…I brought us back together. Why are you showing me this? I asked.

I’m not showing you anything. This is what you imagined. It’d never happened that way, but it’s what you imagined had.

I love you. I need us to be together again!

We cannot.

Come back to me!

I love you…but the dead cannot return.

 

I awoke and went back to my story. I rewrote it again over the course of several days. Willed it into existence. When I slept…I dreamt about it. About her. She always appeared.

You know what she said.

 

So I rewrote it one more time…then ventured out into the world I had forsaken. I would make my story work. I would compel it into existence. Live my own words and their new, most profound order. I obtained what I needed. I needed something that left no room for error. Something that would perform even if I couldn’t. Wasn’t totally up to the task. On the mark.

I wanted results.

 

I lay in our bed, in the dark. Crying. I’d lost her. Forever. Lost myself. There was nothing left. Nothing more to do. I couldn’t live without her. I grasped the weapon…regripping it several times as if I knew what I was doing…and brought it out from under the blankets and comforter.

Comforter.

I smoothed out the bedding with my hands…remembering all the warmth and comfort it had afforded us over our brief history together. I looked over to her side of the bed and remembered the feel of her nakedness beneath the bedding as she’d snuggled up beside me. How we’d held each other.

Once.

How she used to be there.

Choking sobs erupted from me! Uncontrollable torrents of rain and pain!

Oh, how I heaved!

I wiped away the tears with the back of the hand holding the .45. I closed my eyes and rammed the muzzle firmly up and under my chin, ever-so-slightly angled. The metal felt wrong, but in its wrongness felt…

Acceptable.

I undid the safety. Cocked the hammer.

Could I really do this? What would it feel like to instantly conclude a life? Would there be pain—or would it happen so fast as to feel like falling off to sleep? What was the other side really like? Was my life’s work on the mark…or was I to be damned like all the traditionalists ranted?

I would soon know.

I placed my index finger around the trigger…when I heard…

In the hallway.

Someone was out there.

I opened my eyes.

Footsteps.

I heard them. Soft. Considerate. Mindful.

Hers.

In those slipper-socks she always wore.

Is that something I would really hear?

Do you love me?

I love you…but the dead cannot return.

She came closer. Entered the room. I could feel her…feel her presence!

Her!

She got into bed with me…the bedding lifted, the bed shifted…her body slipped in beneath the sheets. Snuggled up against me.

I was again moved to tears! I couldn’t stop crying! I wailed!

Then her hand…oh, dear God, her soft, warm

(it was not warm)

loving hand touched mine! Wrapped itself around mine…

And together we pulled the trigger.

 

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Filed Under: Metaphysical, Short Story, To Be Human, Writing Tagged With: Angst, authors, Karen Lin, Literary fiction, literature, Love, Mandy Pratt, Marc Schuster, Nona, Princeton, Stephen King, Tales From The Darkside, The Night Gallery, The Twilight Zone, Writers

Walkers

May 20, 2016 by fpdorchak

Keep Moving, People. (Image by By Jaurès_-_Histoire_socialiste,_I.djvu: Jean Jaurès, sous la direction de derivative work: YSpirine [Jaurès_-_Histoire_socialiste,_I.djvu] [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons)
Keep Moving, People. (Image by By Jaurès_-_Histoire_socialiste,_I.djvu: Jean Jaurès, sous la direction de derivative work: YSpirine [Jaurès_-_Histoire_socialiste,_I.djvu] [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons)
I remember writing this short story quite well!

What I remember (I checked my writing records) most was that it was accepted for publication in a letter to me, March 13, 1992 (Friday the 13th), by Thin Ice…but Thin Ice went under before it could be published! I was even told that it would be the lead story in that issue of the magazine…but it wouldn’t be published until Summer 1994 (two years later!). But then it was delayed yet another year.  Yeah—so, I waited three years for publication, only to have the rug pulled out from under me in 1995. The editor (whose name I realized I’ve since forgotten—I’d remembered her name for years and years…) even said I could submit elsewhere if I wanted to have it published earlier….

So, now…24 years later…I am finally giving it that life!

I am and have always been fascinated by walking…that by walking you can literally get anywhere on this planet. Okay, you might have to take a plane or a ship or two, but still…it’s by walking that would get you there to take that plane or ship. Or that swim. And I love walking…the physical (and metaphysical) locomotion through time and space. Yes, you probably never gave the “time and space” part much though, did you? One is moving through both TIME and SPACE when one locomotes. And if you let your mind wander…run free…you’re also wandering the universe when you walk. So, there’s really a whole lot more going on when you take those physical steps than perhaps is initially imagined….

And what if there existed a race that that did everything while in constant motion?

That was my inspiration all those years ago, and I just love this story! It has intrigue and sex (well, okay, an “honorable mention,” since sex is mentioned…) and mystery! Horror! Metaphysics! It’s a quest—and so much more I can’t get into without giving away the twists and turns that this 6,000-word story takes! It’s one of my favorites. I wasn’t sure if I would post it here, because of its length…I think it might be the longest on this blog. I have a couple longer short stories I’ve been holding off posting because of their length…but decided to go with “Walkers.” I might include one or two of the others, as well, later….

So, yes, “Walkers” is also unpublished…returned to me by Thin Ice, on May 11, 1995 (delayed a year from its original publication), because the magazine had gone under, but it was intended for publication (as the lead story!) in that Summer 1994 (1995) issue….

 

Walkers

© F. P. Dorchak, 1992

 

Severen’s feet mindlessly shuffled on with bland reiteration, as he opened sandied eyes. The sky was clear and there was a chill in the air, as early morning reds and oranges splashed across the horizon. The terrain was dusty and desolate.

Severen lifted his head and stretched.

He’d dreamed of being confined to something called a “chair”…with wheels on it…unable to use his legs. He remembered it’d been a good dream.

“Another day,” he said, and rubbed his eyes, cracking open his mouth into a wide, morning yawn. Severen look around and saw Techen, immediately to his left, who also began to stir.

“Mor-ning, Tech,” Severen greeted, mouth full of sand. He spit out the silicate granules.

“Yeah, right.”

Severen smiled back and shook dust from his hair, then looked around to the faces immediately behind him, several rows back. Most were still asleep. Then there were the faces behind those, and still more behind those…the unfathomable mass of Walkers that filled in all the way to the rear horizon. And all of them walked…all of them trudged aimlessly across desiccated terrain. They were a people of many ages and varieties, and the sound of their incessant plodding unmercifully assaulted Severen’s morning grogginess, bringing him back to a reality he’d much rather preferred to have escaped. It was an ancient march. A tiresome one. At its best, it was

 

“…time to send one of us to investigate. Agreed?” It was Strutter, an Old Walker, who had finally came out and said it. “With that having been said, we must send one of us.” His voice was weary with age, but he was the wisest of the Walkers. All of the Council nodded, including Severen.

“We’re sorry to drop this upon you, Severen, my friend, but it is the will of the Council that you should go. You are the healthiest of us to withstand the rigors of the journey.”

Severen flinched, but remained strong—Council-bound—and accepting of the challenge. Somehow, he had come to expect this, despite the fact that he knew of two others who were supposedly younger than him. Smoothing out his Council uniform, he straightened up and addressed Strutter.

“I agree and accept.”

“Good. We wish you our best.”

There was something about Strutter’s look that sent a chill through Severen.

Those not of the Council, but closest to them, turned to each other and began to spread the word, and with a bow of his head, and eyes closed, Severen immediately slowed his pace and began the rearward journey. He shifted his shoulders and twisted his body, as he allowed the peopled interior to swallow him up. It seemed

 

Colder back here. Emotionally colder.

He had never been back more than a half-a-generation or so before, and had labored long and hard to get to his present position on the Forward Council. People in the interior were less friendly, less open (how well he remembered that), and now he had to go back in—deeper—to investigate rumored trouble at the rear.

The Rear.

He’d heard of only one other walker who’d gone as far back as one generation, and now he was to go all the way back.

To the end.

As far as he could physically reach—and to make matters worse, he was to come all the way back.

If possible.

It was a quest that bred mixed feelings among the Council, a quest that Severen felt severely hindered by, for further progression on his part, at least for the time of the journey, anyway, but he was duty-bound and the rumors had to be laid to rest. The killings (if there truly were any killings) had to be investigated…stopped.

Feet on autopilot and still facing to the front of the March, Severen retreated deeper into the interior. Uncountable bodies, both familiar and unfamiliar, brushed and flowed past.

If there really were any killings going on, it would probably do the horde well, he thought. Everyone knew there were far too many Walkers, and that, no matter how heretical the thought, they really could stand to use a thinning.

Facts were facts.

As Severen continued backward, he noticed something no one had ever mentioned. This feeling of going backward was almost an erotic, stimulating affair…and he wondered why it was so outlawed to the common masses. He noticed that going back just two or three rows had no real effect, but once you got the momentum going and traveled through at least a quarter of a generation, the sensation suddenly overcame you. It was a heady, whole-body phenomenon that was very much like sex. Everybody, except the aging and dying, went forward, and he had not known anyone who had gone this far rearward before—except in childhood tales, of course.

(forward)

But it was a good feeling.

Severen also noticed how some began to regard him with suspicion. Or fear. Many turned to those beside them and whispered, all the while keeping a watchful eye upon him. He couldn’t hear them all, but occasionally did catch something like: It is not often one from the Council travels rearward. They must surely imagine something dire. Or: What becomes us that one of them dares invade our privacy? But, overall, Severen found the people most accommodating, actually somewhat more talkative than he’d expected. He would have quite an enlightening report to pass on—if he ever made it back—or passed it on to a Communicator.

 

Although he had probably been doing it for the past few rows, Severen became aware that he was slowing down. He had come across a tightly knit group at one point and found that he was growing increasingly bogged down. Twisting about, Severen glanced behind. He saw that the jam-up seemed to go on for quite some distance. He faced forward. Just enjoy the ride, Sevvy, he told himself. He looked around to the people beside him and attempted conversation, but as usual, only ended up in passing people by. Until he spotted a particularly quiet and hulking figure of curious intensity, off to his left. Temporarily delaying his rearward passage, Severen redirected himself laterally toward the man. People moved, respectfully, out of his way.

“Good day, citizen!” Severen hailed, “perhaps you can assist me? My name is Severen, of the Forward Council.”

The man wheezed once, then gave him a quick, non-interested glance. “Yeah, so?”

“I’ve been sent by the Council to investigate goings-on at the rear. There have been recent rumors surfacing—”

“Surfacing? Where’ve you been, mate? Them’s rumors been around fer generations.”

“Excuse me?”

“I means, yer frigging behind the times, mate—an why would the Council send back one-ah its own? Why not someone more expendable?”

Severen bit his tongue. He needed to regain control of this conversation.

“Okay, so we’re a bit behind the times, can you assist me or not?”

“What do you want?”

“Information.”

“What’s in it fer me?”

“A better position in the March—”

“Oh, sure, an where would that get someone like me? It’s not like we’re getting anywhere with all this drudgery.”

“I can see about making you a Communicator.”

“Oh, a Communicator, huh?”

“Yes. It’d be low level to start, but it’d be a beginning.”

“Well, I can’t tell you much, y’see, I’ze only heard the rumors, like you, but there’s somethin nasty going on back there. I only heard a one guy who made it back, and he went mad. Was sent back to the rear. You ain’t gonna like what you find—if it don’t find you first.”

“Please, elucidate.”

The man looked back disapprovingly at the Councilman’s choice of words.

“It’s dark back there, people…disappear…an…an there’s somethin else.”

“What else?”

“Don’t know. The man went n got all unscrewed before he could tell—but he was about to say somethin, I could see it in his eyes. It was like he couldn’t quite bring himself to say it.”

“That’s all you got?”

“Told you it weren’t much.”

“What was his name, this fellow?”

“Chim, or Jorg—no, Chjort, that was it. Chjort.”

“Thank you. Want the position?”

“Whatever.”

Severen allowed the crowd to advance past, as he continued rearward.

“Sev’ren!” the man yelled back.

“What?”

“Take it easy, mate. It turned Chjort nutty. Killed the others.”

Killed others?

(expendable?)

“Thank

 

You never really knew just how large the whole damn thing was from the front. Never really knew until you got inside it. All you saw were rows upon rows of bodies, and bodies going back as far as the eye could see. Way back. But as Severen ventured in, he got a true feeling for just how large this exodus was, more so than any of the Communicators (those who ran messages within assigned districts and kept the masses informed), the Forward Council, or any other mythical hero he’d ever heard about. Communicators came close to getting a truer feel for the size of the March, but they never ventured beyond their own boundaries. Each generation had several districts, but the number depended on how large a generation was. Lately, generations had been growing.

Council members…they really knew nothing.

Anybody could be a Council member, though there had to be a proving to see whether that person was truly worthy of the position. Everyone wanted to be up front, to make laws and institute changes, but not many were willing to work for it. To pay the price. To see something other than the backs of their contemporaries. That was what had initially driven Severen. That, and the love of a woman, or, more to the point, the scorn of one.

Severen had fallen in love with a woman named Thea. She had been strong, and the most beautiful woman he’d ever laid eyes on. He’d first seen her when she was only two hops over from him, magically having appeared out of nowhere. They’d flirted, and when Severen finally made his move, he found her more than interested. They were soon marching side by side. Copulating. Inseparable. Then he began to tell her of his ambition, that he wanted to start a family of his own and become one of the Forward Council. That was where things began to deteriorate. It seemed she had no ambition to go to the front, a place where you couldn’t hide.

Hide.

She had something to hide. She didn’t like being put up for display. She liked where she was, free to drift about…to see others. And Thea had no intention of starting a family. She liked being able to see whom she wanted, and do what she willed. Severen had been nothing more than a passing encounter for her. Sure, she liked him…even the sex and good times they’d had together…but that was all. Severen had awoken one morning to find her gone. Just as he’d found her…he’d lost her.

He never did find out what it was she had to hide, but figured she was probably trafficking in the powerful sleep drug, Utopa, the most common offense in the March. The drug gave the power to dream while awake, for as long as three days, after which subjects usually became hooked and zombie-like. Some, those of stronger constitution, lasted longer and became junkies, but most withered away and died. Either way, all were eventually sent back to the rear. In the end, Severen’s break with Thea had been for the better. Associating with pushers wasn’t conducive to a Council position.

Severen found himself again eavesdropping.

“…Celila and Trax were doing pretty good until Celila’s Communicatorship,” a pair of Walkers discussed.

“Took her away, didn’t they.”

“Yep—but they’re still seeing each other, wouldn’t’cha know it. It’s been a hard road since she’s the youngest Communicator and gets all the rotten routes—she’s gone nearly all the time.”

The other gave a knowing nod and wrinkled his face disapprovingly. Severen remembered that name. Celila. She was new. Swift. She was also a good Mediator for the Council, which wasn’t good for her man, since she’d most probably get promoted and see even less of him. It wouldn’t be until her next promotion, a supervisory position, that she’d have any time for a relationship—and who’d want to wait that long?

Severen angled off into a different direction, and looked up to the sky. It had darkened noticeably since he’d last checked. He realized he was now into the very heart of the March, sand almost completely obscuring the sky. And don’t even talk about the noise. It was also decidedly colder…not just emotionally, but physically…and he didn’t like that. It should have gotten warmer, from all that body heat. But it

 

Wasn’t life a bitch? It seemed that all one had to look forward to was to live long enough to get to the front lines. Then what? Severen had gotten there, and where had it gotten him? He was back where he’d started—hell, he was further back than where he’d started. He’d actually regressed….

And he had just blindly accepted this task. How easy it had been to plod along aimlessly in life and be the yes-man.

(easy)

This whole thing was entirely overrated. What was he supposed to do once he found what he was looking for? The gruff-one had mentioned that others had been killed.

What others, and why; what had killed whom?

Severen had no knowledge of anyone else being sent that far back, let alone being killed off.

But what if others had been sent back?

Was there something the Forward Council wasn’t telling him? What was that look in Strutter’s face all about?

Was he even supposed to make it back?

That last thought rocked him like an earthquake.

Maybe he was an offering. An offering.

“No, no—that can’t be. The Council isn’t like that. They’re Law-givers. Elders.”

So why choose him? The only ones on the Council who had any real power were the old ones. The ones who’d been around a while. So where did that leave the younger members? If the elders didn’t die, then the younger went nowhere.

(except on journeys like this)

But he knew of no one—

Then it hit him.

There was something about a journey!

He remembered…as a child…that his parents had told him about a Council member they’d met who’d gone back on a similar trek. Severen didn’t remember the purpose of the trek, but did remember the look on his parents’ faces when they talked about it. They were scared.

Why?

Because little Sevvy had already made up his mind that he was going to join the Council when he grew up.

Millions of tiny switches clicked on and off inside his head.

Spark.

And there were always bogeyman stories from childhood about what went on back there…way back there. Stories of the dead coming to life and ripping the aged from their generations, never to be seen again. Of screams and howls in the dead of night. Maybe there were more to the legends and myths than people cared to believe.

Spark.

Spark.

Or tell.

Contact.

A conspiracy within the Council!

Severen was suddenly slammed into.

It wasn’t the normal hiking-through-the-lands-trip-and-tap—no, this was a full-on grind that lifted him up off one foot and had him tottering for a moment as he skipped across the terrain, trying to regain his balance. When he did regain his footing, he whipped around hard to see the face in the crowd that must have started the upset. It was a face that sent a chill up his spine. It was an evil, twisted face that didn’t look real…but continued to hold his gaze.

Severen maneuvered out of the face’s path to see if it would follow.

It did.

No sooner had he repositioned himself, then the face again followed him…but had also gained in row. Severen looked around. Found that the generation of people around him suddenly seemed to have aged a great deal. Many were white-haired and bent over…more shuffle than walk to their strides. Many had only half-opened eyes, or failing eyesight.

This meant the dead were even closer than he’d imagined. Maybe a lot closer.

Severen maneuvered toward a stout individual and there held his position. The old man looked to him.

Why do you come to me? his gaze begged, I am old and not long for the March. Go away.

I am sorry, old man, but I have no choice, Severen’s eyes replied, I am on a mission. From the Forward Council.

So you would have me killed for the Council?

Before Severen could make his reply, the stalking face was upon the old man. Severen had been so hypnotized by the ancient one’s gaze that he’d forgotten to keep track of his pursuer. He looked on in horror as he saw its face—and what was left of its body. It was dead and stank of carrion. Powerful, clawed arms raked out from underneath powerful, shredded shoulders…arms that hopped and grappled from shoulder to shoulder and supported a smoldering torso. It tore asunder those it touched. It was a torso that supported a head and shoulders—and nothing more. There was nothing below its gaping and dangling chest cavity.

Severen watched as the old man was torn apart by the corpse; he backed away with weak, flaccid knees…and noticed that those alongside the old man had also moved away…silently and without question.

As if this was accepted routine.

“No!” Severen shouted.

But still his feet took him away.

“No!” he shouted, but still his gaze was upon the old man.

“No!” he shouted, but still the corpse crawled and rended. Rended the ancient one to pieces….

“NO!”

Severen watched as the old man’s eyes were separated from their sockets….

His words had no effect on the killing. No effect on the dismemberment that went on (as he watched). Words that could not stop the direction his feet were taking him. Away. Severen saw the old man crumple soundlessly, wordlessly, to the ground.

Accepting.

Why do you come to me, the ancient man had pleaded.

Because I am on a mission, he had replied.

A mission.

He was on a mission to find out what was going on at the rear. Well, he’d just found out—and now he was running away.

This is the real reason I was sent back. I’m no investigator—I’m a sacrifice.

Looking to a cripple beside him, Severen saw the walking stick he possessed and grabbed it without thinking. The cripple looked to him and smiled, then allowed himself to fall to the ground, quickly trodden asunder by those that flowed over from behind. Severen was shocked to discover he felt no emotion one way or the other. Turning, he looked back for the clawed corpse and hefted his newly acquired weapon. He was lucky, the wood felt solid and sturdy. It was dense and would wield well.

Severen backed up and readied the staff; glanced behind himself several times, but still could not see his attacker. It was getting darker. Colder. Out of the corner of his eyes he thought he saw something, and turned slowly, not sure there was really anything there. Yes, three positions over…a face glared back at him with a mouth full of teeth and decayed flesh.

Grinned hideously.

Severen followed that smile down to its neck, then down to its chest.

Down to its waist.

There was now more body to this corpse than when Severen had first encountered it!

Severen looked to the newly acquired legs…legs that had not originally belonged to that creature. Legs, he recognized, that had belonged to the ancient man

(why do you come to me?)

with the penetrating gaze.

The creature had stolen the ancient one’s body.

The very thought made Severen’s stomach heave, and, indeed, he nearly did. He tried not to imagine the horrors the ancient man had been put through to give up those legs.

The monster approached, and the crowd widened.

Good, Severen thought, more room to swing this thing.

“Come on!”

The corpse lunged awkwardly, but Severen managed to hold his ground as he lifted the staff in a backward arc and quickly snapped it forward. It connected, and the corpse took the full force of it in its waist, easily splitting in two. The top half flew forward and the bottom half crumpled to the dirt. Severen then watched as the creature latched onto another walker. Not allowing it time to gain another claw hold, Severen again rushed it. He rose his weapon high over his head and brought it crashing down onto the center of the corpse’s cranium, splitting it open. It emitted a rancor that made Severn gag. The thing writhed in pain, but uttered no sound, and the walker it was attached to hardly seemed cognizant of the attack. Severen finished off the creature by hammering it free with the staff, and it went tumbling bulkily to the ground—and to the rear of the March.

Great, that’s the last place I wanted this thing to go, he thought.

The March then folded back in around Severen as if nothing had happened, and as he wiped the sweat and fear from his brow, one of the walkers adjacent to him turned and smiled. Severen regarded him blankly.

Then vomited.

 

What was going on back here?

Severen no longer knew just how far back he was, and it didn’t really matter, he guessed, because things weren’t right. He could no longer see the sky, and it was almost always dark, now. And there were times he had actually thought he’d heard screams—and laughter, hideous, hideous, laughter—from the rear. Every time he would look back, fear would grip him and give him a good throttling. He didn’t want to go back there. It was a No Man’s Land. A festering graveyard. Nothing good was back there….

He had given up on the quest long ago—blew it all off. His sojourn had now become more of a matter of principle. Of what was right. He recalled how it had bothered him to accept the quest…at why he should have been chosen…but found he didn’t feel this way about this new revelation. Some things just felt right, even if they were wrong….

But who would know of his intent?

There were no longer any Communicators this far from the Council, so information of his whereabouts wouldn’t exactly be known, and to the masses he would just be remembered as the “one from the Front” performing his duty in the defense of his people. He would fade away into the annals of history as just another soul lost to the rear.

Or sacrificed.

His blood boiled.

He had his pride and no one was going to sacrifice him.

As unfortunate as his present situation was, he had to make the best of it. He was too far back to just turn around (so to speak) and return home. If not for the Council, then he had to do this for the others. His fellow walkers.

But, by the gods, the more he thought about it, the more it made sense! Send the young! The virile! Those who could better challenge the Old Ones. Send them to the rear to appease whatever was there—just keep it from coming forward. Keep it away from the front…from the Forward Council.

Severen looked to the staff. To those around him. If they weren’t dead, they were very near. Their shuffling was pained and slow, their bodies decayed. It wouldn’t be long now.

He was scared as hell.

 

Severen’s pace had slowed quite a bit, either from fear or uncertainty, but slowed down it had.

The air now had a distinctly different feel to it, and it stunk. Rotted flesh. Nervously he glanced behind himself (as he tore off a piece of fabric from his uniform and tied it around his mouth and nose), but could no longer see beyond two or three rows. It was as dark as night and there was a thick haze, one that he’d walked right into.

Like he had any choice.

Rotted, moldy flesh, he thought, so much particulates in the air.

His mind began to drift back to the conspiracy. As right as he knew he was, he tried to coax some sense out of the activities that had led him to his present situation. Of course the Elders wouldn’t have taken this journey themselves, they probably wouldn’t have survived it, and sure he wasn’t the youngest—not by far—so why was he picked above all others?

Maybe because you’d risen from within the March, Sevvy, old boy.

Of course.

He hadn’t been born into the Forward Council, like the others. Strutter had always been there, had been there even before his parents had grown, and Techen—Techen was born into it, he knew that. But what about Quix? Se-Er? Yes, they, too, all claimed birthright. In fact, Severen now saw, he couldn’t think of one of the Forward Council who wasn’t of direct bloodline (except Strutter, but he was the Elder, the Rule-Maker), so why would the two younger members be any different?

They wouldn’t be—unless another insider was being cultivated as he had been….

This wasn’t exactly the feeling he needed just now.

An unexpected rocking from the row directly behind him caught him off-guard and sent him into an adjacent walker as he tripped across a particularly deep rut. The man he hit crumpled to the dirt and had, in fact, actually disintegrated.

“Oh, no—no…I can’t be there yet!”

Another walker near to him opened a hardened, white eye and winked weakly.

“Y-yer not…there yet….” he said.

But you’ll wish ya were.

The words put Severen temporarily at ease. If one was dead, then others were sure to follow, and soon. The graveyard

(answers)

was not far away.

Destiny.

Ah, the hell with it.

Spinning around on his heels and actually facing toward the rear, Severen hefted his staff before him and marched forward.

Into the pitch blackness of the unknown.

 

It wasn’t long before he found that all those surrounding him were, indeed, dead.

None moved out of his path as he approached, so he came to wielding his staff and smashing them out of his way. Their bodies crumbled into dust as did the first. Or as near as he could tell, in this darkness, to which his eyes had grown exceedingly well accustomed. He also saw that the ranks had thinned out considerably, and this bothered him.

What was beyond? Was there a beyond?

Would he fall off some edge that rolled up after the March’s passage?

Old wives tales told to disobedient children.

Yet tales that still scratched at his troubled, adult psyche.

Movement. There was movement ahead.

Severen felt the fear again seize him, but fought it off and cocked his head. There was a figure that ran behind the few bodies that still shuffled past. He squinted, but the figure had darted back into the darkness. It was an upright figure, to be sure, like him—but quick. All this time, he thought he was alone. The fear returned.

There’s nothing good back here.

He tightened his grip on the staff.

What had he gotten himself into?

He continued forward and heard noise…this time behind him.

Then the noise moved somewhere to his left.

Then back again, behind him.

Spinning around, Severen brought up the staff just in time to deflect the brunt of an attack. A dark figure had bounced off him and run back into the dark, but not before leaving tears in his clothes and stinging gouges in his flesh. Severen thought of the similarities between this attack and the earlier one—but that this one had legs.

Severen spun around several more times, making sure that the thing was gone. At least temporarily. His temples throbbed with his quickened pulse, and his chest heaved with shortened breaths. Adrenaline surged throughout his body. There was more movement…more of them.

Terrific.

“Who’s there! By the power of the Forw—”

A black thing lunged, and this time Severen wasn’t as lucky, his staff slammed up hard into his forehead. Warmth spread down and over his eyes. At the same time, something ripped deeply into his right arm and there was another liberating splash of warmth upon his face. Blinding pain quickly followed…then the thing was off him.

By the time Severen managed to reopen his eyes, another was upon him.

Pain or no pain he cocked back the staff, and, twisting around with it, slammed it hard into what he surmised was the torso of the creature. It took all the spring out of the thing’s attack and Severen watched it crumple into a heap. Quickly recovering, Severen barely had time to react to another one, so he ducked…only netting a gash to his forehead…and followed the shape around. He brought his weapon down square on the thing’s back and there was a more-than-satisfying crunch. The thing didn’t get back up. Severen backed away, whirled his stick about him, and peered into the darkness for more.

But none came.

 

The ache of his body grew more painful as the shock wore off, and his gait turned into more of a labored shuffle. He’d managed to stem the flow of blood from his wounds, but the pain that racked his body had to be more than just from cuts and bruises.

Infection.

Infection that spread rapidly. If Severen didn’t miss his guess, he probably wouldn’t make it til sunrise, if there was a sunrise anymore….

 

Severen dreamed as he dozed. Dreamed of a dark and thick blackness…a blackness from which nothing returned. He saw eyes…two large…all-seeing orbs that emerged from the darkness, only to return back to it. And he saw claws…lots and lots of claws…that all tore and ripped into him. Ripped him into big, chunky pieces—

He awoke with a start. Couldn’t believe he had

(been allowed to survive)

dozed. He was alone. Except for the occasioned walking dead he passed. He no longer swung at them.

Severen had never really given much thought to what was actually at the rear, the ultimate rear. To what it might actually look like. He just wished he wasn’t there, now. On the surface, he tried to convince himself that he didn’t care to know, but deep down he did feel a sense of duty. A yearning for more.

Must know.

Must.

Bring back information…crush the conspiracy….

Back—back to whom?

The people.

The Council could no longer be trusted. They were all suspect. All in on it. Had been since the dawn of eternity. All those sent back in the legends and myths had been sent back as fodder for some evil god. Sent to keep whatever was there from coming forward and destroying the rest of the March.

Was sure of it.

Dead sure.

Never had there been any mention of the dead coming back to life from the graveyard. Never. Had always been left as a black void of nothingness. A place not spoken of during the light of day, barely even whispered of during nightfall.

It was a lair.

But a lair to what?

What evil force made its home there, and to where did its power extend?

Severen checked his arm’s dressing. It was a mass of dried blood and torn material…and there was a gangrenous pus that festered around the wound. Severen touched it with the end of his staff and it burst, splattering onto his face a smelly spore-like substance that got inside his mouth. He didn’t bother to check his other wounds. He felt the infection as it ate away at him. He didn’t need any further confirmation.

Heavily, Severen lifted his throbbing head.

“What…are you?” he coughed into the darkness.

Two blazing red eyes opened their lids from the darkness before him.

“What do you want from me. From us?”

The eyes floated. He was sure they were amused with him.

Gathering all his effort, Severen hefted his staff and swung it out before him. The eyes remained untouched…were now filled with a mass of scrolling stars.

Not much further to go. Care. No longer cared. Never make it back….

Eyes.

Disappeared.

Severen plodded forward, used his staff as a crutch. Lost all feeling in his left side. Numb on his right. Vision grew cloudy….

DO. YOU. KNOW. WHO. I. AM?

Came the voice.

DO. YOU. KNOW. WHO. I…AM?

It was a voice. Inside his head. This was it. Had finally gone delirious. Alone; seeing ghosts. Hearing voices. What difference did it make if he answered? Was dying anyway….

No, I do not know…who you are…but I’m sure this…poison…has invented something good…for me.

I AM…THE…UNNAMED.

Severen looked into the blackness and laughed.

Well, aren’t you a grand delusion!

I…AM…ALL.

Pleeeased to meet you….

Silence.

Severen felt the uneasiness that accompanied that silence. Felt, for the first time since his last attack, that maybe, maybe he wasn’t all that alone…maybe it wasn’t delirium he was talking to….

YOU HAVE COME…FOR ME…YOU ARE TO BE MY…COMMUNION.

PREPARE YOURSELF.

“Who are you?”

I AM ALL.

“…said that, but…what are you?”

No immediate response.

I AM…THAT WHICH KEEPS THE MARCH…FORWARD.

That which keeps the March forward. Severen shook his head. “Don’t…understand.”

IT IS NOT YOUR PLACE…TO UNDERSTAND.

PREPARE YOURSELF.

That which keeps the March forward. Could it be possible that the March was evoked by this thing? Controlled by it? That the March was nothing without it? But the March had been going on since time immemorial….

Forever.

I AM BEYOND THAT.

Eternal.

Severen’s head hurt. He stumbled. I’m going to die, I’m really going to die….

Severen placed the staff out before him for support, bore the majority of his weight on it…but only managed to continue forward in short…shuffling…movements. Movements that brought immense pain. Severen jerked; felt something burrow into his brain.

ENOUGH…TIME.

A gigantic claw shot out from the darkness, and with it, a deafening clap of thunder. It smashed through Severen’s stick and grasped him mid-body, lifting Severen up off the ground. Severen went limp and expelled a loud huh! as his staff clattered in pieces about him. He had a sudden flashback of helplessness as a child…the time he was caught first-time masturbating…and felt like that child again. But there was also an unexpected ease with who he was…what he had become.

He felt small and puny…yet complete. He retreated inward.

There was warmth there.

 

The two large, red eyes again formed in the darkness before him and Severen was pulled in. Severen looked directly into the eyes and spoke:

Go on…I’m prepared….

 

Severen floated. Drifted within nothingness. There he found the thing he had come for. The quest. The reason. It was fear, plain and simple. Fear from the Walkers as they had built it up over their generations; over eons.

FEAR.

From turning back. Fear…from looking behind—and forward. Fear that they were being followed…devoured from that which was behind them. Darkness. And it had caught them. Exacted its toll. Its price for existence.

PAY HOMAGE TO THAT WHICH CONTROLS THEE….

 

Short Story Links

Links to all my posted short stories are here.

Filed Under: Leisure, Short Story, To Be Human, Writing Tagged With: Conspiracies, Councils, Desolation, Hiking, Horror, Motion, people, Tales From The Darkside, The Night Gallery, The Twilight Zone, Walking

The Girl Who Chased Gargoyles

March 25, 2016 by fpdorchak

That Was Just The Way She Was. (Image by Loadmaster, David R. Tribble, CC BY-SA 3.0 [http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0] or GFDL [http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html], via Wikimedia Commons)
That Was Just The Way She Was. (Image by Loadmaster. David R. Tribble, CC BY-SA 3.0 [http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0] or GFDL [http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html], via Wikimedia Commons)
The inspiration for this story came from a piece of artwork I’d bought in my single days and no longer have. It wasn’t in oils or acrylic or anything…just a framed poster that’d really grabbed me. It depicted a young girl on the top of a building blowing bubbles and a gargoyle that had broken free from its perch, reaching after the bubbles, bits of that perch crumbling away.

I loved the imagery!

So I penned (keyboarded) a story. It is one of my more disturbing stories…at least to me. Reminds me of the Twilight Zone episode “It’s a Good Life.” I suppose this story could be considered allegorical to elements of the Human Condition (“absolute power corrupts….”), and to be honest, I don’t recall my motive in penning this one…except that the artwork I had was quite imaginative and I’d just wanted to write a story about it….

And then I find this perfect graphic of a little girl and a gargoyle! It really is perfect.

This story had never been published.

 

The Girl Who Chased Gargoyles

© F. P. Dorchak, 1992

 

I knew her long ago…a bright, wispy sprite of a girl. And she loved to climb things. She also loved her bubbles. Blew them everywhere. It was those bubbles that had set me free.

But that was so long ago. And I miss her.

And now I will tell you of her story.

 

Angela was her name. She was so bright and cheerful that I didn’t think there was a thing in the world that could ever bother her. She had long, silken hair and a smile as bright as the sun.

The sun. A sun that had grown dark with the death of her parents.

But that’s for later.

For now, she skipped and sang everywhere she went. And (as I have said before) she loved to climb. Trees. Rocks. Buildings. Anything. There wasn’t an obstacle she would not tackle and this so frightened her parents, for there was nothing they could do. She was a most determined child, and a very sure-footed one—the most sure-footed I have ever seen—there was no fear in her, only wonder and amazement. To her, everything was beautiful. Everything was fun. There was no such thing as evil.

She was indeed the purest of souls.

 

One day, while walking through town with her parents, Angela had spotted a building that had immediately captured her fancy. It was an old, abandoned remain and her father, a construction worker, had told her that it was a building scheduled for destruction. This brought a momentary frown to Angela’s face.

“Why?” she asked.

“Because, Angela, to all things there must come an end.”

Angela thought about this.

“Why must all things die?”

“Well, I think it’s God’s way of telling us that we must live life to its fullest.”

“Well,” said Angela, “that’s what I’m going to do.”

That’s the way she was. Nonplused. Practical (in an idealistic kind of way) and direct-to-the-point. Death didn’t seem to bother her like it did other kids her age. In fact nothing seemed to bother her quite like it did the other kids. She was always the one to explain things to her friends, always the one to comfort them when they lost their favorite marble to an opponent in a game. She was always there when she was really needed and had such a love of life and all that it encompassed.

One day, she came back to the doomed building, and, as do all kids (for she was, after all, but a child) and found her way into it. Blowing her little bubbles, she made her way up the curved banisters, through the hazy interior and up to the very top.

Where she found the monsters.

But to her they weren’t monsters…they were their own form of life no matter how ugly, and, eventually, her companions, her…friends. She would come to talk with them. Have fun, for though she was so bright and sweet she still had no real friends her age, at least any that could understand her. Some people are just born more aware. Her own parents barely (if they ever really did) understood her. Angela was always off dreaming somewhere—and we all know how dreamers are treated.

So, as often as she could Angela would journey into this building and climb the dusty stairs to the top. There she would come out on its ledges and sit among the stone creatures of the sky, the leader of which called itself “Pandor.” She hadn’t known the word “gargoyle” until the monsters themselves told her. Or so she told people…and that made her situation in life very difficult.

“Gargoyles, you say? On top of what building? Do your parents know about this, young lady?”

And all she would do was vigorously nod her head up and down, her smile so bright and innocent, and say, “Yes, they do!” Then she would skip off in some random fashion and leave behind a stunned and indignant lady, poised on the sidewalk, her eyes the size of silver platters. She did not yet know how to keep things to herself, but I suppose that was just a product of her love of life and her desire to share it with others.

It did get her into trouble. Her and her parents.

It had been a day like any other as she skipped homeward, singing to herself, but once she walked through the front door of her home, she felt the change. Slowly she followed the sounds of voices and stalked toward the kitchen. Peeked around a corner. There she saw her mother and father talking with a strange lady she had never seen before. A lady who seemed to ask her parents an awful lot of questions. She was so very official looking, like her teachers at school, only more so.

Do you give her enough food, clothes, and other care?

Is she bathed regularly?

These are her grades, but do you ever discuss them with her?

Do you get involved with her life, play, and fantasies?

Why is it that you let her climb around condemned buildings…

Who was this lady, and why was she asking all these questions?

So Angela left her house and went to seek out her friends, the monsters. It was the monsters that had told her…as she blew her bubbles for them…that this lady was going to try to take her away. That this lady was not to be trusted.

Maybe you should not tell people about everything you do, Angela. Like when you climb up here to play with us.

“Why?” she asked, “why would anyone want to do such a thing? What have I done? I haven’t hurt anybody.”

Because she is an evil person, Angela, prone to sticking her nose into the affairs of others. But do not worry about it, we will not let her take you away from us. We love you.

And we will take care of this lady.

So Angela shrugged her shoulders and continued to blow her bubbles, and the monsters continued to talk with her.

And that was just the way Angela was.

 

When she had arrived home later that day, Angela found her parents waiting for her. They looked very distraught.

“Angela, honey, we have to talk with you,” they had said. They were such model parents. “There was this lady over to see us earlier, a very important lady, who was very concerned that we were not being good enough parents to you. Do you feel we are not being good parents?”

Angela looked from father to mother, then back again. “No, Daddy, I don’t think so. Why—do you?”

That question, even given their daughter’s already sagacious level of development, came as a cold slap in the face to the both of them. However, having grown somewhat accustomed to her often poignant points of view, they replied back to her.

“No—no, honey, your father and I love you very, very much and we work very hard so that you can have the best of all possible things in life.”

“We try to always be there for you,” her father cut in, “but this lady,” he paused to look to his wife (who squeezed his hand very tightly, Angela noticed), “well, she can be very persuasive to the wrong kinds of people. She can take you away from us without much say on our parts. She tells us,” he paused again, “she tells us that there are those out there who are concerned that we are not providing you with proper care. That we let you climb around condemned buildings and—”

“And talk to monsters,” her mother cut in.

“Is this true—are you really climbing around condemned buildings? Tell us this isn’t true, Angela, it’s very dangerous to do things like that. You could get hurt. You could fall and die.”

Both parents looked at Angela very hard.

Angela remained undaunted. She knew what her parents wanted to hear. I would never get hurt, she thought, they would save me, my children, they love me and would never let anything or anyone, harm me—and you too. But she knew what they wanted to hear, and what she had to say.

“No.”

And that was just the way she was.

And we will take care of this lady.

 

It was the next day; an article in the paper. Social worker murdered in apartment parking lot. As gruesome as the details were (parts of her body have not yet been found), her parents breathed a sigh of relief. Granted their file would surely remain in the records even though the case worker was dead, but hopefully no one would ever come back a calling.

That day Angela made her way back to her children and asked them about it.

Yes, we did it. We told you we’d take care of you. Your parents. If something happened to your parents, something happens to you, and we won’t have that. We love you, Angela.

“And I love you. But is that right, what you did, to make someone die?”

Is it right to take away from someone that which is loved by them?

“Hmm. I guess not.”

Wouldn’t that instead make such a person who would do such, evil and dangerous?

“Why, yes, I guess it would.”

Then we have done good, ridding you and your family of such evil, have we not?

“You have. Thank you.”

Then blow more bubbles for us, Angela, we love your bubbles.

And Angela blew more bubbles.

Because that’s just the way….

 

The next day Angela was at the library and looked up what gargoyles were. First she found they were waterspouts, but she knew that couldn’t be right, for water spouts couldn’t talk. Then she found the other description.

 

“Pandor, do you know God?”

Pandor remained quiet for a moment, then spoke.

“Why do you ask, child?”

Well, the other day our class went to the library looking up mythological creatures n stuff—I know what that means—and I saw a picture of you, I mean what looked like you. I asked Mrs. Gartle if I could do extra credit and look up gargoyles, and she said yes. It said you were…tal–is–mans…used to terrify the devil and forced to serve God.”

Pandor stared back unblinkingly.

“But the worse part was that it showed a picture of you eating people. Like me.”

Pandor stared.

“Is it true? Do you eat people? Do you know God?”

Pandor shifted its dense stone frame, sending dull shudder throughout the stone battlements and up through Angela’s tiny frame.

“We are…what we are. Manifestations. Surrogates. We are the horror that men fear. Gods. We are evil incarnate. Inchoate—”

“—I do not understand—”

“—no one does, child—”

“—teach me—”

“—but it is you who are teaching us.”

“Do you eat—”

“Yes. We eat that which is your kind.”

“Why.”

“Because it is necessary. Nothing more.”

“Will you eat me?”

“It is not necessary.”

“Will it ever be?”

“No.”

“How do you know?”

“We know.”

“Do you know God.”

“God knows us.”

“Is that good?”

“It is nothing. It simply is.”

“Do you know God?”

Pandor turned away.

“Okay, so you don’t want to answer that. Fine, be childish. Then answer this—do you know your true purpose? The book said your exact function is unknown.”

Pandor smiled, the first time Angela had ever seen him do so. The crack that inched itself across its face sent a shiver down Angela’s back. It looked painful.

“We are…what we are. Child. Do not look too deeply—you may never come back.”

Angela retreated backward and lost her balance, tripping over a loose piece of rubble. As her arms flailed out behind her she closed her eyes in preparation of meeting concrete when stone hands reached out and gently grasped her. Angela looked up to see the carved face of another gargoyle.

“And we do not want that, either. You must watch your step, child,” Pandor said, thickly.

“Thank you. But there is so much I do not know, and I don’t know if I like that.”

“There are many things even those such as ourselves do not know. Yet we still are. We exist. The same applies to you, my child. You still are. You exist. We are here for you. We do not want evil to befall you.”

Angela gave Pandor a sharp look.

“Does that make me God?” she whispered delicately.

“I only smile but once a lifetime, child.”

 

But Angela would not let it die. She became fascinated with the topic of God. Fascinated that her companions seemed to treat her as one. It was a topic that she had never really considered before.

God.

All powerful.

All knowing.

What is God?

Angela thought about how she seemed to know so much, so much more than anyone else her age, let alone the adults.

Am I God?

Have I enslaved the gargoyles to be my talismans?

Could it be true?

They do protect me—

Answer my questions—respond only to me—

But how can this be?

I am but a little girl.

 

A little girl who knows too much….

 

Angela slept and dreamt of her monsters, but it was a dream filled with dread. It threatened her. She saw herself atop the building, like she had been when she had first found them. All silent and still they were, poised on the precipices of their battlements; lurched…but going nowhere. Then she came out to the edges and began to blow her bubbles. Stood next to the one that she had come to call Pandor. It looked so scary, she remembered. So real.

She let loose her bubbles and a particularly large one drifted past the Pandor-gargoyle face. Angela looked back down into her bubble bottle, ready to blow another one when she heard a loud thundering sound and felt a burst of wind pummel her.

She looked up to find she was standing alone on the battlement.

Where once had stood a statue, now there stood nothing but still crumbling mortar. She gasped, turned to run, but instead came face to face with the very monster that had only moments before been motionless beside her.

Angela dropped her bubbles and went rigid.

Tried to scream but nothing came out.

Her eyes traveled down the length of the monster’s form and to its massively taloned claws. Noticed how the creature actually hovered, however heavily, inches above the battlement, its wings beating the air.

As Angela took steps backwards, away from the gargoyle and towards the building’s edge, she felt claws wrap around her. To her horror, she saw other gargoyles were also breaking free. She looked back to the first one and saw it bring out its hand from behind its back. In a cruelly twisted claw, rested a bubble.

I offer this back to you, child.

The dream-Angela reached out and took it.

But that was where any similarities from her past ended. No sooner had dream-Angela grasped for the bubble, when it suddenly burst open and spewed blood all over her. Angela looked around to see the faces of other gargoyles. They all leered. Hissed. The first gargoyle stepped aside, and behind him sat a box. It was a dark, subtly vibrating box, Angela thought, but didn’t vibrate physically.

No matter how much she didn’t want to go, she came closer. She had to see. The box was blacker than black, and slowly it opened. Angela heard whispers…multitudes of dim voices. Something tugged at her mind. Voices that rose in a crescendo as the top of the box opened farther.

Something called her name. Reached into her soul.

It was then that the dead light began to pour out from the opening—

Angela awoke.

And found herself standing alongside her bed, bent over and soaked in sweat.

 

The next day found Angela dreamier than usual, aloof even.

While at school people would find her sitting in class, or out in the play yard, just staring off into space. Several times classmates had come running up to her to see if she was okay and she would just ask them Are you God? Do you know God?

When one of the children mentioned this to Mrs. Gartle, Mrs. Gartle simply had to investigate.

“Angela, honey, are you all right?”

Angela continued to stare off into the clouds.

“Angela, it’s me, Mrs. Gartle, can you hear me?”

“I hear.”

“What’s the matter?”

“Why nothing, Mrs. Gartle. I am contemplating.”

“Really, child, you simply must get more to the point. And where do you get all these big words, anyway? Come with me.”

“But I don’t have to.”

Mrs. Gartle froze and choked out a half-choked, “W-what?”

“But I don’t have to go with you, Mrs. Gartle, it is not immutable—”

“You will do as you’re told this instant, young lady! Just because you think you’re smarter than the rest of your peers doesn’t mean you’re smarter than me. You will listen to your elders!”

Mrs. Gartle grabbed Angela by her arm and dragged her back into the school building. That night Angela’s parent’s received a phone call from Mrs. Gartle. About the disrespect she had displayed toward her and the students. Mrs. Gartle was curious if Angela had been behaving this way at home, and why, and when Angela’s surprised parents replied that she hadn’t, but that they’d certainly deal with it, Mrs. Gartle took them at their word and hung up. It wasn’t so easy for Angela, however, who found herself answering before her parents and then performing an extra regiment of chores before going to an early bed.

But in bed, one can dream, and in the dream, Angela met a white light. A light that asked her

Do you question God?

I question everything.

Why?

It seems to be my being. It is what I am.

It is?

Is it so wrong to question?

It is not.

Why do I question?

It is as you have said.

What I am?

You learn quickly.

What is my purpose? Am I God?

You are intensified. You are…more than you are.

I don’t understand.

The white light laughed. Be careful. Do not ungrace yourself, little one.

I don’t understand.

 

Angela awoke. Felt different.

Empowered.

For Angela had decided she was God.

 

Angela sat in front of Border Elementary School when Mrs. Gartle, the principal, and another student, came out the front doors. Heavy storm clouds and gusty winds were rolling in, but there was as yet no rain.

“There she is,” the little girl had said, pointing matter of factly. “She’s right over there.”

“Okay, thank you, Susan. You may return to your class, now.” Susan turned and left. The principal and Mrs. Gartle looked to each other. It was the principal who spoke first.

“Angela—Angela would you come over here please?”

Angela looked up from the thing that occupied her attention and stared detachedly at the two.

“Would you come here, please?”

“Okay.” Angela got up and walked over, still clutching her object. “What would you like?” she asked.

“We would like to know what you’re telling the other children,” the principal said.

“That’s easy.”

“Well, what is it, then?”

“That I’m God.”

Mrs. Gartle brought a trembling hand to her mouth and squealed, but principal Phillips remained quiet, somewhat annoyed at Mrs. Gartle’s inadequate reaction. Angela looked up to the two, proud of her newly realized discovery.

“Is that all?”

“No. No, that’s not all—Angela, why do you believe such a thing?”

“This-this is blasphemy!” Gartle exclaimed, but the principal motioned for her to remain quiet.

“Why do you think this, Angela? We’re very curious.”

“Because…well, because of the way things are.”

“We don’t understand. Can you be more specific?”

“Well, I can’t really tell anyone, you understand, I did once and that person died.”

At this point Mrs. Gartle, brought her other hand to her mouth and rushed away from the two of them, back into the building. The two could still hear her as she cried out about blasphemy and damned souls. Mr. Phillips turned away and suddenly found himself sweating.

“Angela, now you know this isn’t true. Did you think you had this person killed?”

“Well, not me. Others. But I told you—I can’t tell you. You might die.”

“Angela, would you show me what you’re playing with?”

Angela brought her hand up to Mr. Phillips. “Here.”

Mr. Phillips grabbed her wrists and felt his legs go weak. “What do you think you’re doing with that frog?”

The frog’s eviscerated entrails hung down and over one side of Angela’s tiny, pink hand.

“I killed it. I was just trying to make it come back to life.”

“Angela, I think you’d better come with me—would you do that, please?”

“I don’t really want to.”

“Would you do it as a favor to us mortals?”

Angela thought for a second. “Okay. But only for a minute.”

“Thank you.”

 

Angela sat in the office. She had lost track of just how long. Her feet didn’t quite reach to the floor, so she contented herself by dangling them against the frame of the chair. She wasn’t happy with Mr. Phillips. He had made her give him her frog and had thrown it away. It was only in the trash a few feet away from her, but Angela was still mad. Because she had been made to sit in the principal’s office and not move, she couldn’t bring the frog back to life. It was such a waste.

But she was God.

Nobody made God do anything.

Angela looked to the principal and Mrs. Gartle, both of which stood outside the office and talked rather loudly. Angela knew they had called her parents.

She was God.

But what she really wanted right now was to bring that little frog back to life, otherwise, she wouldn’t have killed it.

Angela hopped off the chair and went to the plastic waste basket. She saw how the dead frog lay belly up on wads of crumpled paper and she looked back out into the outer office. Then she reached down into the trash and grabbed it.

Possession.

She cradled it against her chest and began to hum.

Live!

Live!

Come back to me, little frog—come back!

“Angela! Put that frog back into the trash!”

Startled, Angela dropped the frog back in the garbage.

Principal Phillips.

They wouldn’t do this to me if they knew….

Disheartened, Angela quietly went back to her seat and sat down.

Phillips closed the door behind him and thoughtfully went to his chair, leaving Mrs. Gartle somewhere outside. He leaned forward in his seat and clasped his hands together on the desk before him.

Oh, great, now he’s going to act real grown-up on me, Angela thought. I hate it when they act this way.

“Angela, I’ve called your parents. They’re on their way. What do you think of that?”

“I don’t like what you’re doing and neither do my friends,” she said, her forehead scrunched up angrily.

“Let’s talk about these friends of yours, shall we? Just who are they?”

“I’m not supposed to tell.”

“Because I could be killed, is that right?”

“Yes.”

“And they’ve killed before.”

“Yes.”

“I don’t supposed you could tell me who they killed, could you? I mean, it’s done, isn’t it, so no harm could come of your telling me, now, could there?”

Angela paused. This is a trap, I know it. I feel it.

“Why should I tell you? I don’t trust you.”

“Because I want to know more about you—”

Just then the door opened and in came another woman. “Hello,” she said. She was about the age of Angela’s mother, and pretty. She carried a little black notebook.

“Now, Angela, this is Mrs. Beale, she’s a friend of mine and is also interested in helping us.”

“Hello, Angela. I hear you have a dead frog you’re trying to bring back.”

“Yes.”

“Now, Angela,” Mr. Phillips continued, “Would this person who was killed be Mrs. VanWygyn?”

“I don’t know a Missus VanWeegin.”

“Okay. How about the lady the city had sent over to see your parents. Could she have been the one killed?”

Angela froze.

How did he know? He’s not God.

The frog. Live, little frog, live!

I’m God.

“How did you know?”

Mr. Phillips looked to Mrs. Beale. “We know a lot.”

“But I know more. You’re in trouble and I don’t like you. You took my frog away from me—I wouldn’t have killed it without bringing it back to life! You’re also keeping me in here! You probably also sent that mean woman to my family, too! I don’t like you at all! I hate all of you!”

Angela was now standing on her feet and shouting. Her face ballooned into a puffy red and she felt different.

We will let no one harm you, Angela.

We love you, Angela.

We are your friends.

“Live, frog—live!” Angela cried aloud, rushing to the garbage, but Mr. Phillips got to the trash before she could. Even though she was faster, Mr. Phillips was closer. He snatched away the trash can and placed it on the floor behind him.

Angela fumed.

“You’re all alike! You all want to rule us kids! You never let us do what we want! You think you know it all, but you don’t! I do! My friends do, and we’ll kill all of you!”

(we will take care of them, Angela)

(go)

“I no longer want to stay here! Let me go!”

“Angela, please sit down,” principal Phillips said. Nurse Beale got up and nervously came towards Angela.

“Angela, we can help you, if only you’ll let us—”

“I won’t let you do anything to me! I’m God! I have made life.”

Nurse Beale looked back to the principal. “What do you mean—”

A sound came from the trash can.

“Come forth!” Angela commanded.

Mr. Phillips and Nurse Beale looked to each other.

The trash can moved.

Outside thunder and rain suddenly and furiously unleashed from the skies.

“You…are doomed! Both of you! I warned you but you wouldn’t listen! I tried to tell you, but now it’s too late. Too late!”

The trash can jiggled.

Mr. Phillips shot back in his chair. Lightening flashed outside the window behind him. Angela began to laugh.

“It’s too late,” Angela said.

The frog leaped out of the trash can and onto principal Phillip’s desk, portions of its intestines trailing behind.

We’ve come for you, Angela—

A powerful concussion catapulted Principal Phillips forward and over his desk while Nurse Beale was knocked up against the wall. Rain and storm now blew in through the destroyed window behind Phillip’s desk. When next he looked up, principal Phillips found Angela laughing, her face rain-swept and still swollen. Nurse Beale was shaking her head back and forth, a nasty cut across her forehead bleeding all over her. On the window sill, and occupying the entire opening, sat a stone nightmare, its massive wings unfolded behind it. Water fell from its features like a newborn hellspawn and its mouth was a grotesque caricature of pain. Phillips looked to its fangs and claws. Looked into its cold stone eyes.

“We have come, Angela,” the monster said.

“I warned you about this—I warned you! Now you must die!” Angela cried. “I am God and you have transgressed!”

The gargoyle looked to Angela.

“You must pay!” she said.

The gargoyle continued to stare at her.

“Take me away, Pandor, and do what must be done.”

The gargoyle continued to stare at Angela, then to the principal. Lightening flashed close by and the smell of ozone filled the room.

“Kill them!” Angela shrieked.

Principal Phillips stood up, his clothing torn and his body bruised. He knew there were broken bones somewhere. “Angela, what are you doing? You are not God—but you have the devil at your command! Stop while you still can! We can help!”

The gargoyle looked to the man. Lightning and thunder again struck, this time shattering the remaining office window.

“Kill,” Angela commanded.

The gargoyle hopped inside the room and snatched Angela off the floor. Principal Phillips made a move towards the two but the gargoyle backhanded him with such force that before the rest of his body had collapsed, Principal Phillip’s head had flown off and hit the wall next to Nurse Beale—who promptly collapsed into unconsciousness.

Angela and Pandor flew out into the angry purple sky.

 

Why do you act this way, Angela?

Because it is what I am.

Is it?

Yes.

You have changed. You compromise what is.

I am God. I am what is.

You have become evil.

No. It is you that is evil. God is

Dead.

No.

No.

Nooo.

 

Angela, you have corrupted yourself.

I do not understand. I made the frog come back to life.

No. That was not you.

Was it you?

It was what I am.

Answer me directly! I tire of these games!

I am only a product of the force which drives me. I am not what controls me. You said so yourself—I am a tool.

I see. So it was God.

So you say.

Enough!

Angela, we cannot serve you any longer. You no longer suit the purpose which suits us.

Angela held back a rising choke. She looked back at the stolid stone face which she had come to call a friend. But Pandor had become more than just a friend.

Rain still pounded out of the skies and assaulted the two of them, and thunder and lightning continued to crack open the heavens. She watched as the rain ran down the gargoyle’s features. In Angela’s mind it made Pandor look like he wept.

“How can you choose your own purpose—I control you! You said so!”

I did not. You merely used the magic which you are and set us free. I never said you were our purpose, I merely said we loved you and would have nothing harm you—

The conversation was broken off by the sound of sirens in the streets.

They have come for you, Angela. We cannot save you from yourself.

“I don’t…I don’t need you. I am—”

A bolt of lightning hit the battlement nearby and sent a huge section of the building toppling to the streets below. One of the gargoyles tumbled over with it. Angela watched in disbelief as the monster made no attempt to recover itself and return to the battlements.

You have done this, Pandor continued. You have reopened the box…

Box. What box?

The box…

Listen to my name, young Angela, what is its true ring?

Angela searched her mind. All this time she knew it had sounded eerily familiar. Now it finally dawned on her.

Pandor.

Pan-dor-a.

Box.

“That was nothing more than a myth,” Angela angrily replied.

No, it is much more than that, young one. I am what some myths referred to as the First Woman. The releaser of all that is evil to humanity through my insistence of opening the box. I have been made to pay for that transgression by becoming an instrument of humanity. The form does not matter. Only the idea. The substance of what is.

“I do not believe. You are here to serve me.”

Pandora remained silent.

Another bolt of lightning struck another precipice, but on the other side of the battlement. Though she couldn’t actually see it, in her mind Angela saw another gargoyle tumble over.

You have destroyed what was. Now you must reap what is to come. Form does not matter, little one.

“Angela. Angela Pedernasy. Can you hear us?”

It was the police. Angela looked over the side but choose to ignore them.

“Pandora, have I done wrong?”

Pandora held her gaze. What is done, is done. There is no guilt assigned. There is only the present.

“But—b-but I don’t think I understand! I’m…I’m losing something here. I…I feel funny. What is happening to me? To all of this?”

Pandora looked to the sounds that came from below.

“Angela Pedernasy, your parents are here. They have something they want to say.” There was momentary silence as the blow horn was passed from one set of hands to another.

“Angela, honey, this is your mother.”

Angela stiffened.

“Angela, please talk to us, we want so much to understand. We want to help!”

“They cannot help, can they,” Angela said flatly.

Pandora shook its head side to side.

They cannot.

“Angela—we know we have probably not been the best of parents, but we tried. We’re here for you and want to help. Please, honey, talk to us!”

Then another bolt from the sky hit the building, with yet another section of it tumbling streetward. As it fell, Angela felt clammy. Something felt awfully wrong.

Then there were screams. Explosions.

Her parents.

Mommmmmyy—

“Daaadddyy!”

Angela rushed to the building’s edge. Saw the rubble below. The smoke. Emergency personnel were clambering around the broken bodies and destroyed vehicles in the destruction below.

“Mommmy—Daaaddy! What have I done! I’ve killed you! I’ve killed my parents!”

Pandora came to Angela. Lightning strikes were now continuous, chipping away at the building and sending both rubble and gargoyle alike to the ground. Those in the streets below fled.

“I am not worthy to live! I have killed the very parents who have given me life!

“Pandor, I wish to remember you the way things were. I have made a big mistake. I may have been wise for my years, but not for my humanity. I have destroyed my parents and I have destroyed you. There is no cause for me to live anymore.”

Then another bolt of lightning struck and this one took Pandora with it. Angela watched as the gargoyle seemed to topple in an exaggeratedly slow fashion over the side.

The form is not all, my child. The idea is.

Pandora’s eyes seemed to grow and fill her mind.

“Pandor!”

Gone.

Angela stood alone. The building quaked all around her.

Oh, my God, what have I done?” Angela said…

And threw herself over the side.

Because that was just the way she was.

 

The form is not all

my child.

The idea

Is.

 

And thus is the story of a brilliant moment of humanity. Of a silken-haired girl, called Angela. She was a special one to me and still is, for she still lives, but on a different level now. And I, Pandora, also live.

For it is not the form that matters.

But the idea.

And she was the girl who chased gargoyles.

 

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Filed Under: Leisure, Metaphysical, Short Story, Writing Tagged With: Fairy Tales, Gargoyles, myths, Tales From The Darkside, The Grotesque, The Night Gallery, Twilight Zone

Clowns

March 10, 2016 by fpdorchak

What Makes a Good Clown Go Bad? © F. P. Dorchak and Lon Kirschner, 2016.
What Makes a Good Clown Go Bad? © F. P. Dorchak and Lon Kirschner, 2016.

What makes a good clown go bad?

I had originally intended to release my short story, “Clowns,” for free on my site, here, but got the idea to release it through Amazon’s Kindle Select. I’d read a short story by Bonnie Ramthun, called “The Little Hitchhiker” (a fun read, by the way), and thought, okay, I gotta try this! And I was working on this story at the time and just felt oddly compelled to use it.

Oddly.

So, I rounded up my “usual suspects”: my proofer, Mandy, my formatter, Pam, and my Cover Guy, Lon.

So, now, you’re gonna pay.

Dearly.

Well, 99 cents, anyway.

Click here for “Clowns” KDP Select Link.

This story got such a chuckle from me when I reread it 28 years later—I’d actually forgotten all about it…though not in concept. I mean, I’d thought I’d written a “killer clown” story, but just had never followed up on it to see what I’d actually written. Isn’t it funny how the mind works? Some people can remember everything, while others, well, do not. And I’d written this (and most of the others I’m posting here) a lifetime ago! You’d think since I’d written this stuff…but, as I go back over all my short stories, it appears that I’d just been banging these things out (for good or ill) and flying onto the next idea…apparently forgetting to submit some of them in the freaking “fog of writing”!

And the purple clown that had inspired this story? Gone. I’d had it for the longest time, but must have given it away—

Or it’d walked away.

Some people have an actual fear of clowns (called “coulrophobia“), and after having written this piece, I can see why. “Clowns” is one of my earliest stories, written in 1987, and I had literally not touched it since then. So, for this digital version, I did go over it with fine-toothed blade—I mean comb—and a second set of eyes. And I love it! It is “the decidedly creepy clown story.” When she was done with editing it, Mandy had this to say about it:

“Damn, nasty-ass clowns.“

Yeah, I don’t really get a “fear” of clowns from her….

But, to continue with the weirdness surrounding this story, after Lon had finished the cover (which he said “creeped him out” as he worked on it…) he had this creepy little real-life story to tell me:

“When I was a kid (7 or 8) my father used to take me to the amusement park arcade where they had a dancing Peppy the Clown. You would put in a quarter (or most likely a dime) and music would play. You would then press the buttons and freaking Peppy the Clown would sing and dance. This scared me to death and my father though that this was a real riot.

“Fast forward 20 years. My father is dead. I am antiquing in upstate NY with my girlfriend. We are walking around the store when all of a sudden the hair on the back of my neck stands up and I started to sweat. I turned around and right behind me was a Peppy the Clown for sale.

“I felt him before I saw him.

“I hate him.”

Isn’t that just great?

Clowns….

In the back matter of the KDP Select of “Clowns” there’s a picture of me from my modeling portfolio, back in 1988. I wasn’t going to include a picture in “Clowns’s” release, but my formatter, Pam, included it on her own, and it kinda compliments the story. There’s an irony because though the picture is black and white…I’m actually wearing a purple tux and a purple bow tie.

And because the clown in the story is purple.

Anyway, this is just such a fun story! You’ll think me mad for saying that, perhaps, but wait until you read it….just before going to bed…while you’re in bed…the only light the glow from your e-reader….

I dare you.

You’ll see.

You will.

And so will your clown…sitting over there…on its shelf…

Watching you. With beady little porcelain or fabric eyes.

Plotting.

What makes a good clown go bad?

Don’t know.

They just do.

 

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Lon Kirschner may be contacted at:

Phone: 518/392-3823

E-mail: info@kirschnercaroff.com

Site: http://www.kirschnercaroff.com

Book Cover Site: http://www.lonkirschner.com/

Filed Under: Fun, Short Story, Spooky, To Be Human, Writing Tagged With: A Thirsty Mind, Amazon Kindle, Bedtime Stories, Clowns, e-readers, Killer Clowns, Knives, Lon Kirschner, Night, Pam Headrick, Tales From The Darkside, The Night Gallery

The Ballad of fReD BeAn

January 29, 2016 by fpdorchak

That's No Way To Get Ahead. (Image by weisserstier from Wien, Austria, 130706_Schrems_A_004; [CC BY 2.0, http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0], via Wikimedia Commons)
That’s No Way To Get Ahead. (Image by weisserstier from Wien, Austria, 130706_Schrems_A_004; [CC BY 2.0, http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0%5D, via Wikimedia Commons)
Where do I come up with this shit?

Who knows…but this humorous little oddity (like “Fear”) just popped into my head one day—pardon the pun!—and I do like to occasionally pen the macabre!

Also reminds me of that comedic sketch where you drop something…bend down to pick it up…and keep kicking it away….

Enjoy my sickness!

This has never been published as far as I could find.

 

The Ballad of fReD BeAn

© F. P. Dorchak, 1988

 

Fred Bean rolled over in his bed

The only problem with that

Being

Fred Bean’s body stopped, ‘cept his head

It rolled ’til stopped

By the intersection

Of

The wall and the floor

Some five feet away, by the door

Police said it really hadn’t been all that messy.

 

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Filed Under: Comedy, Short Story, To Be Human, Writing Tagged With: Heads, Macabre, Noggin, Publishing, Short Stories, The Night Gallery, weird, writing

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