F. P. Dorchak

Speculative Fiction (New Weird) Author

Amazon Kindle

Clowns

by

What Makes a Good Clown Go Bad? © F. P. Dorchak and Lon Kirschner, 2016.
What Makes a Good Clown Go Bad? © F. P. Dorchak and Lon Kirschner, 2016.

What makes a good clown go bad?

I had originally intended to release my short story, “Clowns,” for free on my site, here, but got the idea to release it through Amazon’s Kindle Select. I’d read a short story by Bonnie Ramthun, called “The Little Hitchhiker” (a fun read, by the way), and thought, okay, I gotta try this! And I was working on this story at the time and just felt oddly compelled to use it.

Oddly.

So, I rounded up my “usual suspects”: my proofer, Mandy, my formatter, Pam, and my Cover Guy, Lon.

So, now, you’re gonna pay.

Dearly.

Well, 99 cents, anyway.

Click here for “Clowns” KDP Select Link.

This story got such a chuckle from me when I reread it 28 years later—I’d actually forgotten all about it…though not in concept. I mean, I’d thought I’d written a “killer clown” story, but just had never followed up on it to see what I’d actually written. Isn’t it funny how the mind works? Some people can remember everything, while others, well, do not. And I’d written this (and most of the others I’m posting here) a lifetime ago! You’d think since I’d written this stuff…but, as I go back over all my short stories, it appears that I’d just been banging these things out (for good or ill) and flying onto the next idea…apparently forgetting to submit some of them in the freaking “fog of writing”!

And the purple clown that had inspired this story? Gone. I’d had it for the longest time, but must have given it away—

Or it’d walked away.

Some people have an actual fear of clowns (called “coulrophobia“), and after having written this piece, I can see why. “Clowns” is one of my earliest stories, written in 1987, and I had literally not touched it since then. So, for this digital version, I did go over it with fine-toothed blade—I mean comb—and a second set of eyes. And I love it! It is “the decidedly creepy clown story.” When she was done with editing it, Mandy had this to say about it:

“Damn, nasty-ass clowns.“

Yeah, I don’t really get a “fear” of clowns from her….

But, to continue with the weirdness surrounding this story, after Lon had finished the cover (which he said “creeped him out” as he worked on it…) he had this creepy little real-life story to tell me:

“When I was a kid (7 or 8) my father used to take me to the amusement park arcade where they had a dancing Peppy the Clown. You would put in a quarter (or most likely a dime) and music would play. You would then press the buttons and freaking Peppy the Clown would sing and dance. This scared me to death and my father though that this was a real riot.

“Fast forward 20 years. My father is dead. I am antiquing in upstate NY with my girlfriend. We are walking around the store when all of a sudden the hair on the back of my neck stands up and I started to sweat. I turned around and right behind me was a Peppy the Clown for sale.

“I felt him before I saw him.

“I hate him.”

Isn’t that just great?

Clowns….

In the back matter of the KDP Select of “Clowns” there’s a picture of me from my modeling portfolio, back in 1988. I wasn’t going to include a picture in “Clowns’s” release, but my formatter, Pam, included it on her own, and it kinda compliments the story. There’s an irony because though the picture is black and white…I’m actually wearing a purple tux and a purple bow tie.

And because the clown in the story is purple.

Anyway, this is just such a fun story! You’ll think me mad for saying that, perhaps, but wait until you read it….just before going to bed…while you’re in bed…the only light the glow from your e-reader….

I dare you.

You’ll see.

You will.

And so will your clown…sitting over there…on its shelf…

Watching you. With beady little porcelain or fabric eyes.

Plotting.

What makes a good clown go bad?

Don’t know.

They just do.

 

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Lon Kirschner Articles:

Lon Kirschner may be contacted at:

Phone: 518/392-3823

E-mail: info@kirschnercaroff.com

Site: http://www.kirschnercaroff.com

Book Cover Site: http://www.lonkirschner.com/

Going Indie—What I’ve Learned (So Far)—Part 11

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Forge Your Own Way. (By Morrowlong [CC-BY-SA-3.0 [http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0] or GFDL [http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)], via Wikimedia Commons]
Forge Your Own Way. (By Morrowlong [CC-BY-SA-3.0 [http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0] or GFDL [http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)], via Wikimedia Commons]
It’s truly never-ending.

When you’re doing everything yourself—and by “yourself” I do mean having a team, but though you do have a team, you’re still in charge—you never really get a break. And that’s okay, because, in this instance, it truly is a labor of love.  But, you can only push yourself so far without adversely affecting your health, relationships, that kind of thing. It’s like I’ve said before, you can only do what you can do. Don’t fret about it…but do your best.

Indie publishing.

I’ve been working on my Psychic manuscript since before 2000. I’d originally started notes and chapter one around 1994, actually, when I’d discovered that our government claimed to have disbanded a classified remote viewing program. It gave me a story idea, so I began notes and such, but it wasn’t until 2000 that I sat down in earnest and began the task I’m still trying to complete. This month, I hope to finally complete it. And though I’ve been working on this project for a large frigging part of my life (surprisingly, this is the manuscript I’ve worked the longest, good God—20 years, if you count when I started taking notes—man that just hit me as I write this!), the difficulty has largely been the timeframe of the book. I’ve had to change the dates and ages and technology numerous times in trying to get this thing out there. And, as I’m wrapping things up, I’m still discovering little nit-noy shit (even though I have a proofreader), like the age of my antagonist at certain events, or the need to again change his weapon of choice. It’s become maddening. I am, however, finding this stuff before my proofreader will find it (she’s still reading and not yet at the end), but it’s frustrating! So, once again, I have to go back in and make corrections. But, that’s the way this works. Unless you do have another set of eyes…and even perhaps despite that, you may still find errors, because no one knows your story like you do.

Good Lord, 20 years?

Hopefully, what you find are not egregious errors…but even so, remember, even with the Big Dogs (the Big Five/Whatever) readers find errors. We’re human, and we make mistakes.

So, here is my latest round of things I’ve discovered:

  1. We’re human, we make mistakes. Accept that, but do your best. Have a thick skin, and readers…be kind. Understand this, fact, too.
  2. Blurbs? As I’d written in a previous post, I’m no longer seeking them…but to those I’ve already gathered, I’m going to use. Again, I reiterate: all those who have written me a cover blurb have actually read my work.
  3. Copyright your work! There is a really good post on this, and it got my ass in gear, now all my work is copyrighted. I always meant to do this, it got lost in the shuffle, so, thanks, Susan (Susan Spann has been most helpful to our writing community)!
  4. Don’t respond to e-mails with your favorite (or any, for that matter!) music blasting away! You could get carried away! There, I said it. You think that’s a stupid thing to say, but I love rock and roll, and, well, yes, sometimes I can get a little carried away with the energy of it. Music can and does change your state of mind, and you don’t want to get cocky. Just sayin’.
  5. Putting a price on your cover. When I first noted this item, I was of the mind to put a price on your book when printing the cover (if you can). It’s been mentioned a couple times on sites/sellers of books. I’ve asked my community about it, and I don’t remember anyone responding, so I don’t take it as being all that important. The more I thought about it, the more I came up with: why? In today’s world, that only really seems applicable to brick-and-mortar bookstores. So, I’m backing off the need for that. I don’t think you need to have that anymore. That’s old school (unless someone reading this can give me a good reason to do so). Everyone discounts books, even the brick-and-mortar stores. Indie authors cut deals left and right. Why would this be a necessity anymore?
  6. Be quick to apologize! Never be afraid to say you’re sorry for something you may have done, even if you’re not sure you’ve actually done something wrong. I am constantly amazed at how few people in the world actually apologize for anything, especially men. You got it. Men, friggin Man-the-HELL-up and take goddamn responsibility for your actions. I see it so much in my day job it pisses me off (and had another experience with exactly this just yesterday!). I forget why I’d originally included this item, but the point is salient. Get off your Ego Podiums!
  7. WP blogging: check that your saves are actually saved! Good Lord, this bites me more than I care to consider—and other WP bloggers! Yet, every time I contact WP about this, it’s like the first time they’ve ever heard about it! It’s not, WP, so please, fix the damned issue! Below the post window, on the right, there’s a “Draft saved at…” timestamp, and below that is a “Revisions” history. Checks these areas frequently!  Can’t emphasize this enough! Check them every time you save, to make sure your save—whether it’s a “Ctrl-S” or “Save Draft” selection—that they actually have taken. Especially if you’ve completed an initial post then been away from that post for a long time, like hours or days, and come back. Copy your text into Word or Notepad as you’re working. Highlight and copy into your clipboard what you’ve worked on periodically. If you happen to get a message that has the words to the effect “Do you really want to do this“…it’s too late. You’re screwed. You’ll keep what you last entered and saved, but anything after that last “official” save is forever gone.
  8. Cut your losses. If something’s not working out for you, detach yourself from it. Remove yourself from it. I recently had to do that with something with which I’d been associated for a very long time. It’s going  its way, I’m going mine. C’est la vie. Move on. Don’t keep the “bad energy” in your Weltanschauung. Don’t bad talk whatever it is…just move on.
  9. Not all advice is good. Everyone has an opinion, just like me, but not everything we give will work for you. And—I have to say this—not everyone knows what they’re talking about! Not everyone truly understands Indie publishing! And…some are actively trying to still discredit Indie publishing, because they’re in Traditional publishing, are pissed, scared, Old School, whatever, and are trying to interdict, spoof, and (argh, I’ve forgotten the term!) intentionally direct you away from your chosen path. Be aware. Consider all you hear with a block of salt. And remember this: there are always a million reasons not to do something…but, you only need to find one reason to change. Make the break and create a new path for yourself. This, however, is one guy who has his shit together: Bob Mayer. Read his stuff.
  10. Not everything you write is publishable! This should be obvious! Going Indie may give you license to publish everything you write, but everything you write is not necessarily publishable.
  11. Keep writing.

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Going Indie—What I’ve Learned (So Far)—Part 9

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Pay or Die! By W. M. Goodes (Nye, Bill: “Bill Nye’s History of England” (1900)) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons.
Pay or Die! By W. M. Goodes (Nye, Bill: “Bill Nye’s History of England” (1900)) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons.
Taxes.

Note to IRS: Writing is NOT a hobby to me.

We had our taxes done this past week, and, once again, I got hit with the standard spiel about “Hobby/Loss” rules. About my pitiful pittance of so-called “profit.”

Why?

Because I’d spent a couple thou on releasing two novels of mine last year (not counting my normal writing expenses) and hadn’t made a profit. Though I was physically and mentally exhausted at this tax meeting, and was, admittedly, a bit angry with the same (insert favorite expletive) admonishment I’ve been receiving since about 1987, I don’t really hold it against the man reading me the riot act. He’s just part of the process and covering his ass. Making sure I understand the position of my ass. I get that. But I was tired. Even a little annoyed at myself for how much I’d spent and at the small return—especially once I saw how many e-books were downloaded and no associated reviews or whatever (even bad ones) with all those downloads. Free downloads. Sure, Mark Coker (whom I’ve met and talked with—and a super, super GREAT guy) and the rest say that’s that M.O. for Indie publishing—giveaways. They will earn themselves out sometime…near or far future…but still…I was miffed. I gave away hundreds of books, and figured they were all languishing in the dark, dank corners of hundreds of harddrives, ignored and never to be read. Bit fillers.

Okay, I’m projecting and generalizing, there, because I was tired, but that was what was going through my mind. I can’t assume to know everyone’s mindset when they acquired my work, but I was happy that so many had acquired them. At that point, I just wasn’t happy with the lack of the almighty frigging important profits…and I was unhappy with the mere thought of profits!

Profits.

You see, folks, taxes bring out the weak links in businesses. The whole idea behind businesses, we are taught, is to make money. Not that we make the world a better place by the businesses we bring into existence, not that we’re out to help others. Not any other thing—

Profits.

Yes, that severely chafes me. Because every year I have to put my Business Hat on and talk money.

Artists don’t like talking money.

We don’t do what we do for the money. But…if we want to live…we have to make some sort of remuneration. Many of us have other jobs that do make money…but all of us, well nearly all of us—I don’t presume to know everyone’s motives—would love to be able to do the one thing that keeps us going…that feeds our souls…and make a living at that.

The IRS.

But this conflicts with IRS rules and regulations, if you’re making any money. Cause, if you make money, you must pay the piper. I don’t mind paying the piper. The piper is fine. We live in a great country, and somehow, we have to pay for things in this great country, and taxes are our mechanism. Live with it. Get over it. Taxes are how we get to reap the benefits of living where we live…whether or not they are properly managed is a whole ‘nother, exhausting argument.

I don’t want to bore with all the intricacies of the IRS Code, because I don’t know it and would have to research it, and, frankly, I’d rather force-vomit-up repeatedly the entire day than have to read that stuff, but here are some case studies on the matter of writers and taxes. The basic takeaways are:

  1. Treat writing like a business.
  2. Must prove the intent of making a profit in the business of writing.
  3. If no profit is made, show that it was due to circumstances beyond one’s control, like customary business risks, casualty losses, or depressed market conditions.

Now, I’m oversimplifying, and there are many and various methods to those steps, and I’m not gonna get into them, because I’m not legal counsel and the tax law is far more complex than it needs to be, but check out that link for interesting case studies and consult your tax folk. It’s interesting that there are cases where the IRS deemed a writer as not a writer-for-profit, the case then taken to court, and the court decreed that the writer was a writer-for-profit. So, all is not lost. One of the other things in those cases, was that the writer had to prove that their not making a profit was due to the third item above. In any event, nothing’s easy, nothing’s a given. You have to make every effort to treat your writing like the business it is, if you want to claim anything on your taxes and not use hobby/loss rules. There’s always a chance you could get audited, but, if you do, you can still “win,” as long as all your ducks are in a row.

Okay, so in the interests of showing how business-like I am, here is what I’m doing, plus/minus:

  1. I get up every damn day (twice on Sundays…okay, also Mondays-Saturdays, since I appear to have RLS), whether or not I feel like doing it, and write something. Promote.
  2. I log all my time on the computer for all my writing time.
  3. I log my submissions and important events in a logbook.
  4. I spreadsheet all expenses, income, and mileage.
  5. I spreadsheet inventory.
  6. I blog.
  7. I interact on social media (WordPress, Twitter, Pinterest, FB, AboutMe, LinkedIn the occasional online forum, like, currently, an Amazon forum).
  8. I push the Indie Publishing agenda.
  9. I interview on traditional and Internet radio.
  10. I try to get any gig where I can to advance the Indie Agenda, and get my work out there.
  11. I annoy and guilt others into buying my book, when severely hopped up on caffeine—which, I’m finding, I seem to need more of as I get older. Iced Tea doesn’t seem to be cutting it any longer (see RLS, above). I do same, to get readers to review my work. Note: why do I do this? I do it so others will see how much other readers have liked the book, so they, too, might like it and buy. If this was just for a frigging hobby, I could give a shit if someone liked it or not (as in I’d be doing it for my benefit and relaxation and it doesn’t matter if you like or don’t like that…) and wouldn’t keep embarrassing myself into asking readers for reviews—even short ones. My ego does not need stroking (some might say it strokes itself…). But, again, I’d really like to make a living off this stuff, so….
  12. I try to get writer conference sessions.
  13. I’ve submitted my work for official reviews, like The Midwest Book Review and BookReview.com (whose link, curiously, seems to be down, since I sent my work to them…).
  14. Am constantly prowling (yes, prowling) for any opportunity to further advance the cause of my work (note, I didn’t say me…my work…). I’ve even got my dad trying to sell my books in upstate New York. Any of you can also help out by trying to get me in anywhere you’d think I’d fit (note, I’m not 165 lbs…am currently about 200, so keep that in mind). Get me a radio phoner interview (where I’d call in, versus showing up in-studio), invite me to your library or writer/reader groups, if in driving distance (or “they” pay for my airfare and hotel…  :-] ), send links to my work all over the planet, talk my books up whenever you can, interview me for your blog. I’m a fun guy. Witty sometimes. See, I am prowling, even trolling (note double entendre, which, originally, was “double entente,” c. 1670s)…

Thing is, I’m no longer 23 and can’t do 20-hour days anymore. I do do (go on, laugh, it’s allowed) 18-hour days, though. I have a day job that’s frequently been more than just a day job and do get quite exhausted by day’s end, so that curtails evening events (frequent ones, anyway) at the moment. I also workout after work. That takes a couple hours. Staying fit is important on many levels, but to Mr. and Mrs. IRS that should mean it makes me a lean-mean-profit-making-machine. Or tries to, anyway, but, given the glutted publishing market and “customary business risks, casualty losses, or depressed market conditions,” it’s hard to break into and make a profit in the publishing world. But I’m still in there swinging. Because I lift weights. Cardio give me longevity.

Now, yes, some of this all might sound decidedly mercenary (in actuality, reviews are not just about the promotion to me, I’m truly curious about how people interpret and feel about the stories; I’ve written them to touch and impact in some way, even inform…), take some of the romanticism out of us writers, but, sigh, we’re just trying to make a living. We’re not egotistical—most of us don’t even like the limelight—but we have a driving need to write. To convey stories we hope others might find fun or interesting. What do each of you do to stay employed? How do each of you sell yourselves? It’s a true pity so much focus is put on profitability, but you have to also look at it from the IRS’s point of view: people cheat. Once you understand that, everything else falls into place.

Don’t hate the writer. We just wanna write…and without us, you don’t have anything to read.

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Going Indie—What I’ve Learned (So Far)—Part 8

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Busy
I Can DO This! (Busy. Photo credit: AJC1)

Wow, could things get any busier?

I have been pushing more of the social media thing, the past month or two, at the expense of working on my manuscript-in-progress, Psychic, and kinda “burning the candle at both ends.” It gets exhausting…but cool to find new avenues, like iAuthor. I’m even considering starting up a quarterly newsletter, but when will that happen, since I’m stuck on the initial insert the subscription widget onto my blog site part! No, I’m not all that technically inept, but it seems as though some crucial “it’s easy” step or two is missing from the WordPress instructions. I’ve e-mail their Help depot.

Okay, since my last post on this topic, here are some more things I’ve learned on my adventure of “Going Indie”:

  1. Selecting ISBNs on CreateSpace.  Be careful with you go in and select which type of ISBN you want for your book, and whichever one you do choose, ALWAYS also select the expanded distribution. Read the different types very carefully before selecting, because once you select, you cannot change the ISBN—unless you totally delete your book’s account and start over. I recommend the custom ISBN option for $10 and then get a graphic designer (which will cost you, of course, but is well worth it!), like Lon Kirschner, to design a “faux imprint” for you to have on the bottom edge of your cover, like my Wailing Loon. It looks cool and gives you a brand for your work, other than the generic “CreateSpace.” You can display a little more your own creativity of “who you and your books are.”
  2. Changes To Your CreateSpace file. I found I had to go back into The Uninvited to add some missing front matter. It’s kinda “scary,” doing this, because you really don’t want to F-up your already nitpicked and edited file, but it’s easy to do. You simply select the interior or cover portion of your file, under “Setup,” on your Project Homepage for the book in question, and on the next page, you’ll see a place that says “Make Changes,” and go from there. You don’t have to change anything other than what you need to change, like, for me, the front matter blurbs. You can just “Next” on through the other stuff. Just be careful to not touch anything else. And for any proofing, you can have an actual “proof” copy of the book sent to you (versus doing this all online, for free), though you have to pay for it (like $5, plus shipping), and on the back page of the book is stamped “Proof.”
  3. Interested in signed copies? I decided to get that PO box, so I could mail stuff back and forth to any readers out there. I’ve posted the address about, but it’s F. P. Dorchak, P. O. Box 49393, Colorado Springs, Colorado 80949. The Post Office says you can do a 3-month version, but you have to also get the automatic renewal, which makes zero sense, because that makes the term 6 months. So, really, the lowest amount of time you can get a PO box for is 6 months. That’s government reasoning for you. But it’s cheap (mine is $39). If you get something larger than the box you have, they just give you a key to a larger box, for no charge.
  4. Chain Reviews and World Domination. I put out there that if anyone was interested in reviewing my books, I’d send free, autographed copies. The first 5 per book would get a free book. Offer still stands.
  5. Book Review Outlets. I’m looking into these, you know, what with all the free time I have. Check these out.
  6. Facebook. So far, this is a bust. No more begging from me! And still no “FB Superpowers,” i.e., I still cannot “Like” other pages or save the world. But, not giving up, cause it’s still early, but, feel free to drop by my FB page. Thanks!
  7. Newsletters. Found a great couple of Writers in The Storm links for newsletter info. Thanks, WITS! Thought I’d do this this year, but may have to wait until next year.
  8. Word of mouth. This is where I get lots of comments from people, either by e-mail or through my wife. This is where people rave about my work. Not Facebook (well, at least not so far…). And, of course, I have some “virtual friends” with which I routinely interact, and they’re very supportive (thanks, again, folks)! But, word of mouth seems like the biggest factor in my marketing and promotion. It’s everyone one of you, out there, reading my work and talking about it. Telling others. I hope you will also write an online review (e.g., here und here) at your favorite outlets, too. Please. Thanks!
  9. iAuthor. Found a new overseas outlet, out of the U.K., called iAuthor, so I added The Uninvited and ERO to this site (Sleepwalkers doesn’t have a HighDef cover file, so I’m told by the site it most likely wouldn’t be allowed, because it would degrade he overall quality of the images). It’s free for authors. But…the site seems to have issues during the “height of the day” in loading and such (just now, the site didn’t load right; it should display tons of book covers). I had to do my uploads in the early hours of the morning (i.e., 3 a.m.) before I got them to work, so be advised.

That’s all I have for this year, for my ongoing “Going Indie” adventure. As always, thanks for stopping by, and have a Happy Holiday Season, in whatever way you choose to celebrate (or, uh, not celebrate…) it!

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Going Indie—What I’ve Learned (So Far)—Part 7

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English: This is the title screen from the ABC...
I Was LOST…But Am Becoming FOUND…. (Photo credit: Lost, Wikipedia)

I don’t mean to be getting ahead of myself, here, but I just have to say that ERO is getting great reviews by those who have read it. It’s not yet selling huge, because of my restricted ability to promote right now, but those who have read it are contacting myself or my wife to tell them how much they like it—okay, love it. Many are even saying it should be a movie.

How cool is that?

The very fact that readers love ERO enough to say they’d like to see it as a movie is highly complimentary, even humbling. They liked the story enough to want to re-experience it again, in another form of expression!

This book has been rejected from traditional editors multiple times, yet (so far), I’ve heard from handfuls of readers about how stunned, “wowed” and impressed they are with the story, how they never saw the ending coming. Sure, someones out there might not like it, can’t please everyone, but so far, all I’ve heard has been complimentary. And these are people from all walks of life, not just SF, action adventure, or military fiction readers. These people come to me, not the other way around. These are the very readers editors and publishers are supposed to be catering to. Small sample? Does it really matter? Any sample is representative of a greater whole.

It’s a bit weird talking about something I wrote in the third person, but it warms my heart that something I’ve written so touches those who have read it. Heck, my Dad is even promoting the novel where he lives. You just can’t beat that!

To this end, I’d like to share parts of an e-mail from an Internet radio talk show host, Paul Neal Rohrer. He’s given me permission to share this. His e-mail blew me away:

“I just finished ERO. (Body shivers!)

Man, I gotta say…you’ll probably think me nuts to say I felt so close to Cherko…this book should be a FILM!

Whew. INTENSE.

I will say that it did not start off to be the type of book I would normally read. I kept with it solely because I knew you and though I felt like I was reading the series, LOST…I kept with it saying to myself…this WILL all make sense. Repeating that thought over and over until around page 160…then I was HOOKED! I breathlessly turned each page…I had all of this morning to finish the last 65 pages. Wow. LOVED IT!

Your mind must be a terrible thing to live with! Radical, powerful and relatable.”

Wow, thanks, Paul!

So, what I’ve learned has actually been a reinforcement of what I already knew: just because a major publisher does not take your work does not mean readers won’t like it. I stuck to my guns and found a way to get my work out there. I persevered. And it is being discovered. It may take some time, but it is out there. Again, thank you, readers, for taking a chance on my work.

Okay, here are some more lessons learned:

  1. I created a checklist of items to keep straight when creating e-books and paperbacks. I’ve attached it to the bottom of this post, since it’s a couple pages.
  2. All you can do is what you can do. I’m sure I’ve said this before, and it sounds stupid, but it’s meant to keep you from going nuts with all the “shoulds” everyone throws out there. You’re one guy or gal. You can’t do everything, especially with everything else you’re doing in life besides the writing and publishing. Just do what you can, and always keeping an eye out for new opportunities.
  3. Check out a previous post I did about PR and promotion…while keeping #3, above, in mind.
  4. Apply to conferences and conventions about presenting your journey. By this I mean, if you have something to say about what you’ve learned on your Indie journey. Talk about what you’ve learned…take some ideas from your blog posts. PowerPoint them and present them at a writer’s conference, the library, or anywhere else there might be a platform for something like this. You might think, yeah, but everyone’s already doing that, and while that is true, perhaps in your area it is not so saturated…and if you know people in your writing community, and they like you, they’ll more likely than not be willing to “book” you (punny…) because they know you and are willing to help you out in your career as a writer. But, in any case, conferences are like magazines…they have to “publish” or fill slots for sessions, and there’s always an audience that hasn’t yet heard what you think has already been done before…or your spin on things and personality are decidedly different and refreshing. Don’t you count yourself out…let them tell you so…or more to the case, let them tell you YES! And when you do this, bring your books! Have them out and used as examples! Have fun with it!

Okay, here’s the checklist I’ve created. Feel free to copy and use! It’s not meant as an explanation of all I do, just as a reminder of what I need to do. When you get in to do this stuff, it all becomes (or should become) more readily apparent…but you actually have to be in there getting ready to release your book. Some of this stuff cannot be “taken back,” like assigning ISBNs.

Prepping ms for content formatter (text):

  1. Convert Word manuscript (ms) to:
    • Time New Roman.
    • Only single spaces, no double spaces.
    • Single-spaced lines, no double spaces.
    • E-book only: No more than 4 lines of spaces (returns) at the tops of any pages.
    • For paperback books, make sure all the line returns to chapter starts are the same.
    • E-book only: Add a space after all ellipses (3 and 4 dots), except w/in quotes, parens, punctuation.
    • Convert all dashes to M-dashes (or N-dashes; just be consistent).
    • Check all chapter and section numbers (1, 2, 3…) are correctly numbered.
    • Check all sub-section spaces/#/***; standardize, check spacing, and center.
  2. Spell check—again!!!
  3. Ensure italicized text are properly italicized (including appropriate punctuation within itals).
  4. E-books: can’t have text “left/right-justified-at-bottom-of-page” kinda thing for ebooks, since can’t have more than four lines “entered” down from the top of pages.
  5. Blurbs from other authors.
  6. Add “Also by F. P. Dorchak” list of books to front matter (front of the book info, before the actual story).
  7. Add family members to Notes/dedication?
  8. Add significant other/others to Notes/dedication. Think.
  9. E-books: add websites and social media links to e-books.
  10. Keep paperback clean with just “About” and website (no #8, above).

Submitting manuscript to Smashwords:

Be sure you’re ready to do this, because once you’re done stepping through their upload dialogs, you’re published.

  1. Select all e-book formats.
  2. Assign ISBN! Do so before submitting to Smashwords!
    • Impacts immediately getting into the Premium catalog.
    • Smashwords ISBNs cannot be used elsewhere.
  3. Opt out of Amazon and Nook distribution on Smashwords’ Channel Manager! Only do this to individually upload files to Amazon and Nook, since they pay royalties much quicker than the Smashwords schedule; if you don’t care about that, you can opt in to Amazon and Nook on Smashwords.
  4. Create any free Coupons through Smashwords to give away free copies.

Submitting ms to Amazon

  1. Add self as contributor.
  2. Try to add cover artist.
  3. Try to add content formatter.
  4. Select 35% royalty.
  5. Select price and set other country prices based on US price.
  6. Select Kindle Direct Publishing “Match Book” selection (readers buy a discounted verson of your Kindle book, if they buy the paperback).

Submitting ms to Nook

  1. Get cover graphic less than 2 MB.
  2. Add self as contributor.
  3. Try to add cover artist.
  4. Try to add content formatter.
  5. Nook automatically ties paperback versions to e-versions, but all titling and names, etc., have to be word-for-word, space-for-space perfectly matching. This presents a problem when using CreateSpace (CS), because CS does not like all-capital titles for their book accounts (e.g., ERO). In order to do all caps, you have to add periods between the letters (e.g., E.R.O.). This is not good, because when you release for publication, Amazon.com keeps those damned periods in the title for retail marketing! The actual title on the book remains your “ERO” title, but the displayed online title with your book, and any search engine hits only respond to the broken up title (i.e., E.R.O.), and not the actual title (i.e., ERO). So, effectively, there are two titles out there, and if people don’t know this, or don’t scroll down the Amazon search page, they won’t see the “E.R.O.” version of the book. I have contacted both CS and Nook about this. CS was nice enough to go in and link the two titles to each other, but you might have to actually contact them to get them to do this, by pointing out a loss of sales with the different titles, if people don’t know to scroll down the pages to find the related search of the other title. B&N/Nook also finally link the two formats together, but this took a long time. Be persistent and nice; some of these people you contact simply are not very smart on the whole process, and I ran into contradictory responses from the different people I contacted.

When do CreateSpace copy:

  1. Get paperback ISBN. Once ISBNs are assigned, they cannot be changed.
    • “Custom” ISBNs can have a “faux” imprint name, like “Wailing Loon.”
    • I’m not an expert on these, but in CreateSpace, the custom ISBNs are also divided into those that are oriented toward retailers and those oriented toward libraries. Make sure you select the right set.
    • Get any offered “Expanded Distribution” offerings if cheap.
  2. Titles: see #5, Submitting to Nook, above.
  3. Add faux imprint to:
    • Copyright page.
    • Spine/cover.
    • Anywhere else needed.
  4. Need any artwork on the interior of the book, the front or back matter?
  5. Add the following to the back matter (rear of the book, after the story): About the Author, website, books/anthologies/etc., again list content formatter and cover artist names and websites.
  6. Cover photo?
  7. Send e-mails/thank you cards to thank contributors, and if they helped enough to justify, free coupons for e-book or actual (signed!) paperbacks.
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Going Indie—What I’ve Learned (So Far)—Part 5

by

Disturbed
Disturbed. On Different Levels. (Disturbed, photo credit: cjmod)

Well, this was kind of disturbing.

I checked my The Uninvited numbers for the first time, since release, and found that through Amazon.com, for the month of June, there are a couple hundred downloads sold for free…when, in fact, they were not supposed to be free. So, I contacted Amazon, and asked. I kinda figured that there must have been a time lag of some kind, and expected that answer back from them. I didn’t get that. What I got were various iterations of the same response, in that what was shown was correct, and that the report time periods are what’s at issue. That I needed to look at and analyze all said info.

Well, I did that before even contacting them.

So…I looked around some more, checked with Smashwords, and, yup, found out on their FAQs, a little line, that reads:  “Please allow anywhere from two days to two weeks for price updates to reflect at retailers (usually it’s about a week or less).” Yeah, I’d read that months ago, that’s why I thought there might have been a delay in changing the price between Smashwords and a retailer.

But…I had another really cool takeaway…

There are several hundred downloads of The Uninvited out there!

How cool! Thanks, folks, free or not, I appreciate your taking a chance on my work! Please, write a review, however short!

Happy writing!

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